struggling artist, winter blahs

Too cold and snowy to brave the roads to go x-country skiing today. Unsure what to do instead for fitness - I have to work the next several days so I'd like to get my heartrate up today doing something. I could go back to silks, or I could go back to the gym and un-pause my membership and ride the stationary bike, there. It's just so painful to sit on those seats, sigh. I started bringing a folded hand-towel to drape over the rigid hard plastic but it barely took the edge off.

I'd rather ride a real bike but the weather is so terrible, no can do.

Maybe a muddy walk up a trail in the rain/snow? Sounds fun! lol uuuggggghhhh.

It's okay if I can't train much, I can also just stay in and work on taxes, it needs to happen, I didn't get anything done tax-wise yesterday because of sparkling Alessandra and a spontaneous bellydance class. Totally worth it! But I'm way behind. I like to have at least the first pass done (before going back and checking my work and fixing mistakes) by Valentines day, and that is coming up *quick*. This usually takes me 2 weeks of solid work (at about 4 hrs of work per day, which is as much as I can do before my brain melts) and I've only done one day so far.

It's not the end of the world if I'm a week behind but I'd rather not be. Gotta get on it.

Typically I schedule time off to do this but I haven't done so thus far this year because I'm worried about income. But I've never successfully buckled down and gotten them done without some time off work, alas, alack. sigh. Numbers are so hard for me.

busy wednesday

had a decent day, didn't get any exercise at all but got a really solid start on taxes. hopefully tomorrow i can get a walk in and also dance later, maybe.

saw my DJ on the internets, he does not look good, guh. "I'm not dead yet you bastards." still snarky, heh. The only reason I got to see him at all was that a friend of his came and did a quick video and explained where he is and a little bit of just a proof of life moment, sigh. he's at St Vincent in a wing with a lot of restrictions due to the sensitivity of the patients there, but I might try to go visit next week, we'll see. Maybe Manders will want to go? I want to bring him his favorite burrito, if the Robotaco people know his order, I dunno. I miss my DJ.

Have been cooking Josh excessively healthy food but he didn't get quite enough calories today, so while he was off at racquetball (for the 2nd night in a row - he is obsessed - AND he is playing pickleball tomorrow, this is on top of his rock climbing and regular running and weight training and circus and whatever else) tonight, I made two batches of experimental buttermilk biscuits, one batch is raisin cardamom with whole wheat, and the other is swiss/scallion/tomato/cilantro with whole spelt flour. They're both tasty and the cheesy one has a really soft wonderful texture that I am eager to try to replicate. Need to figure out how to soften the raisin bread version - maybe some yogurt or heavy cream? He is devouring them, anyway, and was very grateful. I got him some extra groceries as well, as he was worried we were running out of food. I'll make him another pizza in the morning. He'll be fine.

Took all my vitamins and fish oil and brushed my teeth and hung some art and a mirror in my room, re-arranged a little bit more so that I could access a bookshelf which will hopefully make organizing a little easier. Still figuring out how to make this little room work best but I like it.

I ate a lot of chocolate and bread and biscuits today so I'm a bit bloated but idc, it was in service of computer work and I needed to get it done, I feel fine about it, I will try to do better tomorrow, I am also eating lots of fruit and veggies, and still drinking lots of fluids, I'll be fine. Just need to be mindful of my protein intake, tomorrow, and try to get some cardio in somewhere.

I'm building resiliency and it feels really good right now. Recognizing moments where I could emotionally spin out but am able to keep it from happening. I know there will be backslides but for now I feel like I'm making good progress on my development and functionality.

Time to snuggle up with some asmr :)