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fairy protection and guidance.
In the middle of assembling orders and need to head out soon, Josh is fed, just wanted to vent a little, that one of the things my mom and grandma also have in common is the sentiment that their high school years were their most beloved. The reason I feel resentful and jealous over this is because my mom pulled me out of school altogether and home-schooled me, so I never even had a chance to have high school years in the same way. I did go back, eventually, after a series of fights with my mom at age 16, enduring a slew of insults and threats and "you'll regret it and come running back" type admonishments in order to go, but I did get a year and a half, it was just very unconventional since I wasn't pursuing graduation (that requires four years and I had already earned my GED) and had to pretend I was attending against my will like everyone else in order to attempt to single-handedly scrape together some semblance of a "normal" adolescence.
I wonder what my dad's high school years were like. I wish I could ask.
(So many endless things I wish I could ask my deceased parents. Their lives were too hard, they left me far too early. I was 26 when I lost my dad. Although to be fair, he was barely around to begin with.)
:(
As my mom's dementia increased in severity, high school and early childhood became the only things she really could remember or talk about. Before she lost her ability to talk about much of anything at all. Poor mom.
I am grateful that my 40s were so lovely, though. Perhaps a result of foregoing having children.
I'm still in a lot of pain today, glad I skipped dancing last night, not sure if I want to ride my bike or just walk in the sunshine today. Maybe just a walk. My foot is still vaguely painful but seems to be leveling out in severity.
Grateful for the sunshine and the happy marriage, so grateful. I was just listening to some fairy lore about virgins finding four leafed clovers being blessed by the faeries to have a happy marriage, and I feel that this resonates very strongly with me. The ritual was much more involved in that, but I think perhaps mine was close enough. I have no business having a happy marriage, given trauma, my family history, and such poor modeling of purely unhealthy relationships. This feels like pure magic, to me.
Josh and I will do karaoke together at home tonight since Sunday is all messed up by Easter lol. So looking forward to it. Mostly for how happy it makes Josh to sing.
I wonder what my dad's high school years were like. I wish I could ask.
(So many endless things I wish I could ask my deceased parents. Their lives were too hard, they left me far too early. I was 26 when I lost my dad. Although to be fair, he was barely around to begin with.)
:(
As my mom's dementia increased in severity, high school and early childhood became the only things she really could remember or talk about. Before she lost her ability to talk about much of anything at all. Poor mom.
I am grateful that my 40s were so lovely, though. Perhaps a result of foregoing having children.
I'm still in a lot of pain today, glad I skipped dancing last night, not sure if I want to ride my bike or just walk in the sunshine today. Maybe just a walk. My foot is still vaguely painful but seems to be leveling out in severity.
Grateful for the sunshine and the happy marriage, so grateful. I was just listening to some fairy lore about virgins finding four leafed clovers being blessed by the faeries to have a happy marriage, and I feel that this resonates very strongly with me. The ritual was much more involved in that, but I think perhaps mine was close enough. I have no business having a happy marriage, given trauma, my family history, and such poor modeling of purely unhealthy relationships. This feels like pure magic, to me.
Josh and I will do karaoke together at home tonight since Sunday is all messed up by Easter lol. So looking forward to it. Mostly for how happy it makes Josh to sing.
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