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first-world problems
Nov. 8th, 2026 11:11 pmWelllll, I didn't have emptying out and hand washing all the dishes from the dishwasher on my list today, but here we are. I've never had a dishwasher but it appears as if it refuses to drain, so I will pick a repair company and hopefully someone can come soon to help. I just don't want to risk a leak. So back to handwashing for a bit. At least I'm used to it!
We're one week away from our move-in anniversary. I should have known the dishwasher would be the first thing to go lol.
I should tackle the windows first since the light will fade soon (it's 3pm and already getting dark, ugh PNW darkness, why must you be so loooooooooong).
I'll take down the rest of the Halloween stuff in the process.
Then do the kitchen floor so the repair guy isn't too grossed out lol.
Priorities.
If that's as far as I get today I'll be happy, I'm still nauseated and really tired. Oh and piano practice, I won't skip that. Fortunately tomorrow is work-from-home time so I can catch up on laundry and whatever else I didn't get to, or at least keep chipping away at it.
Looks like I might try to pull a triple-header on Thanksgiving (Dog Mt with Tyler in the morning, or some other hike, step-fam at 2pm, Cynthia's at 5ish), but fortunately I can take an extra day off that week if I need to.
I get a migraine every Thanksgiving without fail. This will be no exception, I'm sure. I refuse to drink, mostly because it's the holiday that makes me want to drink the most. (From stress, rather than joy, even though the whole point is togetherness that I do find incredibly important and full of joy. It's just all the prep in order to provide enough to feel that I've earned a place at the table that ends up overwhelming me, every year. Especially when I'm the only one in my step-or-otherwise family who values healthy plant-based meals. My mom used to put bacon on my plate when I visited and would bark "one piece won't kill you" after I went veggie, just to give a sense of the vibe.)
Doubt I'll make it out dancing tonight, I feel too icky. I keep eating gentle carbs but alas, I still feel queasy. Really wanted to ride my bike and do silks too but that will have to wait. It's okay. One thing at a time. lil Avalanche is following me around, such a sweetie.
I read 11 Swans by Hans Christian Andersen today, it's really beautiful. There's a whole collection of his stories free on my audiobook app. Yay. First-world delights! The crazy loveliness that comes with being here now.
…(later)
Got all the windows washed, tired from all the climbing around and moving everything. Taking a water break before cleaning the counters, putting everything back, packing up all the Halloween stuff and putting it back in the garage, and tackling the dishes since the dishwasher won’t work. Then I’ll do the floors. Watching Clean With Barbie helps a lot. These channels are the best because they can clean for free in exchange for the YouTube revenue they get from the cleaning videos they make. The cleaners who do this work are very hard working and very empathetic and non judgmental and kind and seem to just genuinely want to help people. Watching them makes me realize that there is something angelic about being able to clean a living space, so then it makes me feel like a little secret angel in my own house. Josh would never wash down windows or window frames, or cabinets or appliances, but the dust and grime builds up if you just ignore it, and even if you don’t notice it, it can cause negative health effects over time. I think a lot of why Josh doesn’t clean is societal messaging, but also a big portion is because he can’t see well enough. His vision just filters out details. So he will never really realize the work I do, I just have to be happy in myself for keeping a clean and safe home for both of us. I’m glad I have Barbie and also Midwest magic cleaning - but that guy is taking a break after losing his grandma. Can you imagine being 50 and losing a grandma? Mine died when I was 20, the one that was still alive when I was born, that is. Her husband, my grandpa on moms side, died when I was 12. Dad’s parents weren’t alive to meet my brother or me. I often wonder about how much better life would have been with grandparents. A lot of the early deaths in my family I think stem from poverty. And substance abuse, in both my parents’ cases. Destitution and alcoholism are a deadly combo, I guess.
I think part of the reason I struggle so much in my group therapy is because of the class differences of our childhoods. In twelve step, when I did AlAnon, the groups for families of alcoholics (it’s the same 12 steps with a few word changes), a much bigger majority of folks came from the same level of financial strain. It seems like it shouldn’t matter so much, but when you come from closer to the bottom rung, classism feels a lot more strong of a social handicap than anyone can tell from higher up on the ladder. The self-consciousness and stark differences in values forever haunts me. When people talk about shopping or clothing brands or art collections or just “nice stuff” in general, not just houses and cars and vacations, which are the most obvious.
It’s painful.
Especially around holidays.
But then when words like “estate” or “probate” or “inheritance” or even “funeral” come up, it gets even more painful how humiliating it is to not even understand what those words mean. I mean, I know in concept what a funeral is supposed to be, but despite all my family members but my brother being dead, and several friends, I’ve still never been to one. Who can afford that?
It’s funny how house cleaning and storage bins for decorations brings up morality and poverty for me like this. It happens a lot.
Back to Barbie’s channel. She’s very motivating.
...(even more later)
Josh came home in the middle of me washing dishes so I had to pivot a bit, there's still a bit to finish. Got all the cabinets wiped down, I'll finish the dishes and sweep/mop the floor after he goes to his room or at least gets out of the kitchen.
I still need to practice piano at some point.
Got all the Halloween packed away except for some lights that are still on the porch, I'll get them tomorrow (along with the candles that are already in the garage but not packed up yet), and then be done with all that stuff.
Water break, will rest and catch my breath and watch more Clean With Barbie and then get back to it. I'll call the repair guys about the dishwasher tomorrow I guess. It's possible we'll just have to replace it but that's not the end of the world, I just hope it doesn't end up creating a bigger issue with the imperfect plumbing job our inspector warned us about in the kitchen.
We're one week away from our move-in anniversary. I should have known the dishwasher would be the first thing to go lol.
I should tackle the windows first since the light will fade soon (it's 3pm and already getting dark, ugh PNW darkness, why must you be so loooooooooong).
I'll take down the rest of the Halloween stuff in the process.
Then do the kitchen floor so the repair guy isn't too grossed out lol.
Priorities.
If that's as far as I get today I'll be happy, I'm still nauseated and really tired. Oh and piano practice, I won't skip that. Fortunately tomorrow is work-from-home time so I can catch up on laundry and whatever else I didn't get to, or at least keep chipping away at it.
Looks like I might try to pull a triple-header on Thanksgiving (Dog Mt with Tyler in the morning, or some other hike, step-fam at 2pm, Cynthia's at 5ish), but fortunately I can take an extra day off that week if I need to.
I get a migraine every Thanksgiving without fail. This will be no exception, I'm sure. I refuse to drink, mostly because it's the holiday that makes me want to drink the most. (From stress, rather than joy, even though the whole point is togetherness that I do find incredibly important and full of joy. It's just all the prep in order to provide enough to feel that I've earned a place at the table that ends up overwhelming me, every year. Especially when I'm the only one in my step-or-otherwise family who values healthy plant-based meals. My mom used to put bacon on my plate when I visited and would bark "one piece won't kill you" after I went veggie, just to give a sense of the vibe.)
Doubt I'll make it out dancing tonight, I feel too icky. I keep eating gentle carbs but alas, I still feel queasy. Really wanted to ride my bike and do silks too but that will have to wait. It's okay. One thing at a time. lil Avalanche is following me around, such a sweetie.
I read 11 Swans by Hans Christian Andersen today, it's really beautiful. There's a whole collection of his stories free on my audiobook app. Yay. First-world delights! The crazy loveliness that comes with being here now.
…(later)
Got all the windows washed, tired from all the climbing around and moving everything. Taking a water break before cleaning the counters, putting everything back, packing up all the Halloween stuff and putting it back in the garage, and tackling the dishes since the dishwasher won’t work. Then I’ll do the floors. Watching Clean With Barbie helps a lot. These channels are the best because they can clean for free in exchange for the YouTube revenue they get from the cleaning videos they make. The cleaners who do this work are very hard working and very empathetic and non judgmental and kind and seem to just genuinely want to help people. Watching them makes me realize that there is something angelic about being able to clean a living space, so then it makes me feel like a little secret angel in my own house. Josh would never wash down windows or window frames, or cabinets or appliances, but the dust and grime builds up if you just ignore it, and even if you don’t notice it, it can cause negative health effects over time. I think a lot of why Josh doesn’t clean is societal messaging, but also a big portion is because he can’t see well enough. His vision just filters out details. So he will never really realize the work I do, I just have to be happy in myself for keeping a clean and safe home for both of us. I’m glad I have Barbie and also Midwest magic cleaning - but that guy is taking a break after losing his grandma. Can you imagine being 50 and losing a grandma? Mine died when I was 20, the one that was still alive when I was born, that is. Her husband, my grandpa on moms side, died when I was 12. Dad’s parents weren’t alive to meet my brother or me. I often wonder about how much better life would have been with grandparents. A lot of the early deaths in my family I think stem from poverty. And substance abuse, in both my parents’ cases. Destitution and alcoholism are a deadly combo, I guess.
I think part of the reason I struggle so much in my group therapy is because of the class differences of our childhoods. In twelve step, when I did AlAnon, the groups for families of alcoholics (it’s the same 12 steps with a few word changes), a much bigger majority of folks came from the same level of financial strain. It seems like it shouldn’t matter so much, but when you come from closer to the bottom rung, classism feels a lot more strong of a social handicap than anyone can tell from higher up on the ladder. The self-consciousness and stark differences in values forever haunts me. When people talk about shopping or clothing brands or art collections or just “nice stuff” in general, not just houses and cars and vacations, which are the most obvious.
It’s painful.
Especially around holidays.
But then when words like “estate” or “probate” or “inheritance” or even “funeral” come up, it gets even more painful how humiliating it is to not even understand what those words mean. I mean, I know in concept what a funeral is supposed to be, but despite all my family members but my brother being dead, and several friends, I’ve still never been to one. Who can afford that?
It’s funny how house cleaning and storage bins for decorations brings up morality and poverty for me like this. It happens a lot.
Back to Barbie’s channel. She’s very motivating.
...(even more later)
Josh came home in the middle of me washing dishes so I had to pivot a bit, there's still a bit to finish. Got all the cabinets wiped down, I'll finish the dishes and sweep/mop the floor after he goes to his room or at least gets out of the kitchen.
I still need to practice piano at some point.
Got all the Halloween packed away except for some lights that are still on the porch, I'll get them tomorrow (along with the candles that are already in the garage but not packed up yet), and then be done with all that stuff.
Water break, will rest and catch my breath and watch more Clean With Barbie and then get back to it. I'll call the repair guys about the dishwasher tomorrow I guess. It's possible we'll just have to replace it but that's not the end of the world, I just hope it doesn't end up creating a bigger issue with the imperfect plumbing job our inspector warned us about in the kitchen.
