serafaery

Avalanche is okay. Nothing is broken or dislocated, just some soft tissue damage.

I am concerned though because her left hip, the side she's favoring/limping on, is also arthritic. At age 3 this is concerning, unusual, unfortunate. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong or a bad cat mom. Why would this be? I have done so much to keep her active and healthy.

She also has elevated liver markers, which also makes no sense, given her age and lifestyle. I don't know what is going on. But, I will see if I can get her established at a new clinic in the area. If that is too difficult I'll take her back to our old neighborhood, it's a long drive but she's fine in the car if I let her out of the box, I know how to manage that on days she's not in pain, at least.

I feel so bad, I totally freaked out at the vet and threatened to take her home if they didn't bring her back from the back room, at emergency vets they take them away and then they came back to make me sign a thing saying it was okay to sedate her for the exam because she was too upset to proceed without it, which was just kind of triggering, after what I went through with P-Funk at an emergency vet that mistreated us when he was dying :( so they agreed to bring her back in and examine her in the room with me, after they gave her some pain meds. Then I calmed down, once I saw she was okay and that the pain medication really did help her feel better and calm down.

But the poor doctor looked at me like a crazy cat lady for the rest of the visit, and acted afraid of me. Totally deserved and well within her right, but I still feel absolutely dreadful about it. I tried to apologize and everyone was really respectful but I just feel gut-wrenchingly embarrassed and ashamed. I am never good with these kinds of things, especially when I'm alone, I always freak out, I overthink and doubt myself and my decisions and suddenly get into this mindset where everyone is behaving badly when they're only trying to help. One would think by my 50s I would figure out how to act like an adult, even in upsetting situations, but I still so often can't. I really hate myself when I get like this.

I let them keep her for x-rays and paid them alllllll my monies and went and sparkled one person (rescheduled the other two) and came and picked up the very drugged up kitten, she looooooves pain drugs lol, when she got home her tongue was kinda gently hanging out and she was rubbing on everything and all wobbly and SOOOO full of purrs and just flopping and rolling and purrpurrpurrrring, she was so high, it was pretty cute.

She's still a bit loopy but more awake and has eaten and been drinking water really well and seems totally fine, other than limping and being annoyed that she can't go in the backyard lol.

My poor love.

It occurred to me later that I wonder if she got injured during the dog attack two years ago and that's why she has arthritis now, or if that contributed to it. I don't remember her limping after that but I don't know. I have also noticed ever since she was a kitten that she has an unusual posture and an odd gait, her hind legs are kind of bow legged, so it might just be that her skeleton is not quite put together right, kinda like mine lol. But still that shouldn't already be causing arthritis, so, I dunno. I'm worried :( Maybe I'm not feeding her correctly or I'm doing something else wrong without realizing it. Maybe all the exercise I've given her over the years has been too much for her? I thought zoomies after toys and stair sprints and such would be healthful activities for a young cat :(

Anyway. I promised Finley I would be at Shadowplay tonight and it's time to get in the shower. I managed to get a bike ride in after bringing Avi home and taking a nap. I cannot put into words how much stress has been flooding my body all day, and for years, really. I started using my Oura ring regularly again and it shows high chronic stress every single day and it keep suggesting I meditate and stuff. Like that ever helps. (I have meditated pretty much every night for the last ten-ish years, and often during the day as well, trying to regulate my perpetually stressed body. Along with so many other anti-stress activities that never make a dent. The only time my ring shows that my body is in a "restorative" state is the day after a long hard hike. Which happens what, once a month, in the winter, if I'm lucky? Every other week in the summer, one day a week? That's not enough restorative time, nowhere near.)

I know the club doesn't help my sleep, but it does help my spirit, and that feels more important, right now.

My poor lil cat. :(

They sent me home with buprenex for her so I'll be dosing her with more fun pain meds 2x a day while she heals.

I need a beer, sometime soon :( A real one. Not tonight, but soon.

erf, I have been running nonstop since about 6:20am. Avalanche woke me up early, I rose to a colorless sunrise, beautiful in its own way. Not colorless, it was blue/white/grey.

Took my sunrise walk after trying (and failing) for my birthday lookout tower booking. My ethernet cable arrives today so hopefully hardwiring into our cable service will help speed up my booking requests, I have used this hack before with successful results, though it's been a few years. I think our service is just a little slower out here in the 'burbs.

Morning coffee and brushing with Avalanche, while feeding crows and enjoying neighbor cat visits.

Scheduled dishwasher help, they're coming in an hour or two. I still need to take everything out from under the sink, and clean the floors, but otherwise I'm ready for them. Moved the cars so they can come in through the garage, removed and washed every dirty dish (of course the dishwasher was entirely full of dirty dishes when it decided to act up). The third/last batch is currently drying on the counter on some towels, since we don't have a drying rack at.

Jumped on my bike at 9:30am to try to beat the rain. It was perfect timing, I got home at 10:15 and as soon as I got into Josh's car to move it out of the garage, the rain began.

Made myself breakfast and cooked Josh and I a bunch of food - a pan full of cauliflower mushrooms, a huge purple sweet potato that we split, the last of the paleo bison meatballs re-heated for Josh, a giant pan of collard greens with carrots and chioggia beets, all from the farmers market last week (except the sweet potato, there are some yams that can grow here but no purple sweet potatoes as of yet).

I spilled powdered dish detergent into the dishwasher while trying to clean it for the service people so that took forever to clean.

I keep finding more Halloween tidbits to pack away, part of me just wants them out year round, I think. Pretty sure I got everything now except the spiderweb mat and the porch lights.

It is an icy cold rain despite it being in the low 50s, the droplets feel like icemelt.

I have some work to do and I do need to clean my room, but right now roasting a pumpkin and baking it into pie feels more urgent. After the dishwasher service happens, I'll see how I feel.

Just catching my breath before going back to clear out everything under the sink (mostly recycling and cleaning supplies) and sweeping and wiping down the kitchen floor.

We'll figure out which kitchen breaker does the dishwasher when the guy gets here.

I am so glad I am home for this today, it's nice to get it over and done with sooner rather than later, Josh was very anxious to get it done today. I am less concerned - if any appliance was to go, this is the easiest to do without. However, I do not want to risk ignoring a hidden leak behind or underneath it, so, best to address it now.

Movie and a beer might have to happen tonight. Maybe some piano and some painting? I couldn't practice piano last night, Josh got all snuggled into his cozy corner on the couch and I just can't bear to disturb him when he's in his little comfort nest. He never used to nest like that, I find it so adorable. I also feel proud of myself for setting up such a cozy corner, with the couch and its pillows and blankets, the cute fabric log storage/drink/snack/book holders, the cute little space heater, and the TV situated just right.

I am so chilled. Despite the settings being the same indoors in the winter and summer, 68 just seems so frigid all the time. Hanging out with my own space heater at my desk at the moment, trying to get up the energy to dry and put away dishes and clean the floors for the repair visit. My nose is frozen and running a little. I dunno why I'm just always so cold lately.

The leaves are winding down and it's kind of needed because we have so little light now, that the bare branches let more of the light through to reach us.

It's been such a pretty November so far. A little bit disconcerting, but. We have had one frosty morning, at least. Mostly it rains all night and then we get sparkling sunshine in the day. What could be better? The leaves are falling falling falling. We sweep and rake and blow and they recollect like nothing happened. It'll be sad when they're all done, the process is so beautiful. The blanketed ground and the floating floating colors.

Avalanche was so excited by the leaves every time the wind blew, yesterday. She would stare up with HUGE eyes and then dart around the yard, unable to pinpoint any to pounce so just running every which-way. Soooooo cute. This is her first real fall outside where she can run. She's overstimulated by crunchy leaves skipping down the roof toward her.

I'm so glad to be sitting here, sipping delicious brewed coffee at my desk. Josh wanted me to go to Hood River to visit a new cafe and then hike with him and hang out while he did some bouldering after the hike, but I had already had ideas of a day home full of going to the farmers market, taking down Halloween, housework, more window-washing, laundry, sweeping up the leaves and vacuuming, cleaning my completely destroyed bedroom, baking quiche and banana bread, donating more to the thrift store, I am trying to teach myself how to whiten dingy rags and things (I followed directions on some no eco-something cleaner that touted exactly this capability, and the rags literally look browner than when I started, so I'm experimenting with bleach now), piano practice, a bike ride in the sun, silks inside, and nursing this queasiness that hasn't gone away since the birthday brunch with Josh's mom, yesterday. I made the mistake of waaaay over-eating fish, Josh ordered a fish plate and I agreed to "help" and I know he doesn't like taking fish home as leftovers, so I tried really hard to finish it but I was already entirely full after half of the salad I bought, which had a thick creamy dressing that did not agree with me at all, but instead of listening to my own needs I tried to do what Josh wanted and ended up making myself very ill. Next time I will just take home the fish, it keeps just fine and I know that, he doesn't ever think fish will be good after being left for even five minutes outside of a fridge, his mom is like this, too. But that is incorrect, especially when you're at a high quality eatery.

Anyway. I wanted to support his needs today, "I can't go out on weekdays like you can," he kept whining. But my foot is a bit sore to be hiking hard, and I really dislike sitting around watching him rock climb, and having to think about the fact that I can't do it anymore because of my arthritic feet. It's really depressing and upsetting and while last night, I was willing to compromise in order to take care of him, because I love him, and because I worry about him bouldering alone, and he was so sad that none of his friends could go; this morning he was so cranky and rude to me, that all my ability to sacrifice for him just fizzled. (I think this was because I refused to let him sleep in my bed last night, but I was still nauseated and also I've been neglecting my own care for his for days so my room is in shambles and I don't feel comfortable having someone else in it when there is this much clutter everywhere. His eyesight is not good, especially in the dark, and he will step on stuff and trip and crash and it makes me worry that he'll hurt himself trying to navigate my messes.) Finally after packing and preparing for a while this morning I said, "I just don't think I should go," mostly because my nausea and headache from the fish over-eating hasn't gone away yet. (I so rarely eat meat anymore, and if so very small amounts, so my body is just freaking out.)

He accepted this answer graciously, which I wasn't sure would happen based on how cranky he was all morning, but he accepted my desire to practice piano and go to the farmers market and do housework, which he knows I struggle to do when he is home.

I am sooooooo grateful for a day in the house by myself. THIS NEVER HAPPENS. I am so happy.

Avalanche came inside to be near me, I think she can tell I am not feeling very good.

Will get dressed and head to the market in a little bit.

...

I gave myself my first B12 injection this morning. It was nerve-wracking but turned out to be super easy. The kit came with pre-assembled needles, the dose is actually only 1mg so half what I got the other two times. I didn't feel it. It went in easily. I think I might bump up the next dose to 2mg since I know that works for me, and do it once a week instead of half the amount 2x per week as recommended, just for a little less hassle.

I did this in my thigh instead of my arm as it's a much easier place to self-inject for an intramuscular injection.

Several minutes later, I noticed a gentle twitching in my thigh muscle. Nothing scary or that felt bad at all, but I felt it. I didn't remember feeling this in my arm so I googled: "Is thigh muscle twitching normal after a vitamin injection" and got this response (I did not mention what kind of vitamin in my query):

"Yes, it is common for muscles to twitch after certain vitamin injections, as this is often a benign reaction to the body adjusting to new nutrient levels or the physical stimulation of the injection site.

Nerve Repair and Adjustment: When correcting a Vitamin B12 deficiency, twitching is frequently reported as a sign of nerves healing or the body converting the vitamin to repair protective nerve layers."

This makes it sound like my poor leg is like, "omg FINALLY the stuff I need to repair, THANK YOU!" lol.

It could also be just a normal reaction to having a needle inserted, but either way it's harmless.

I feel SO incredibly lucky to have figured this B12 stuff out! AND that there just happens to be so much access to GLPs online right now, because the site where I got the B12 is a GLP1 website, which also offers vitamin support for people taking them. I asked my doctors for help and all they had to offer was to schedule an appointment "to talk about it" so I'm not wasting my time with that. They've already failed me enough.

The dose costs me about $16 each this way, instead of $30 or $40 having someone else inject me, plus whatever other appt charges they might have.

...

Geese just flew right overhead. Avalanche and I are enjoying their flight :)

...

Could not sleep last night to save my life, but, it is probably because I had way too much coffee yesterday. Was trying to fend off the headache and fatigue after the too-heavy fishy breakfast. Tonight will be better, and I can rest between chores.

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New moon tonight. I'm supposed to go dance tonight at the club for a regular's birthday, and I can actually go because I set aside tomorrow as a work-from-home day yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

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I think my incisions on my arm with the stitches are finally starting to heal, they are still red and sore but less so, one of them is almost not at all red anymore, yay.

...

Tyler's going to join me for Thanksgiving at Cynthia's since Josh decided to go hang out with his parents and their friends instead of coming with me to my step-family's stuff. I am still frustrated by this, I understand that he doesn't like their food or really their company very much, but it's embarrassing showing up without my spouse. But at least bringing Tyler to Cynthia's afterward can help salvage my holiday a bit. Having a backup husband is highly recommended. Just don't tell Tyler I called him that, lol.

...

It would be wonderful if I could allow myself the time to paint, at some point this week. There is no therapy this week due to Veteran's Day, that might help! Three hours of my life back.

I still haven't had my pumpkin beer ritual. Maybe that Wednesday would be a good time to paint and have a pumpkin beer. After my piano lesson? We'll see.

...

erf so tired. Maybe I'll skip the market, today. My desire to roast a chicken (mostly so that I can make bone broth from scratch) is pretty much gone after the fish incident yesterday. I don't think I'm going to want any animal products for a while. And I have a ton of veggies from visiting the People's farmers market on Wednesday, so I think I'm set for a bit. Looking forward to baking a sweet potato for myself and doing chores, and listening to my book.

Halloween craziness and work have taken up too much of my energy and time the last several days for me to make space for piano practice, but I finally got in a good session tonight. I want to be more consistent but it will take time to establish a habit. For whatever reason, I prefer to practice in the evenings, mornings and piano just don't get along as well in my brain for whatever reason - I find this odd because most everything feels better in the mornings. Except this one thing. I guess crafting is the same way. Maybe I just do better with art/creativity/right-brained activities later in the day, and more rational type work (I do well on the computer or writing or exercising/working out) in the mornings. Really exercise is best for me mid-day, between 10am-2pm. But I can hike whenever.

I wish I had more days off, I want to hike and do silks and ride bikes with Cynthia before I have to go back to work but I also have therapy and piano taking up most of my Wednesday and there is all the regular day to day chores to try to keep up with plus Halloween to put away, but so glad at least I got through today and ate some good food and practiced some piano and I'm so ready to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Might need to run away to the coast tomorrow. Maybe I can fit a short silks session in before I go? One can hope.

Need to get new estrogen patch going also.

Oh and need to track down where my diazepam I picked up tonight ended up, I remember thinking I had an empty bag in my hand but that's because it had nothing but a tiny pill bottle inside. Need to make sure I didn't lose it, I think it's around somewhere.

Getting anxious about anti-anxiety meds lol.

Youtube and a heating pad plz k thx.

I had a spectacularly crazily incredibly fun Halloween and I am soooooo high from it.

Today I will go visit crows again with a faery friend after work and then tonight I will light all of my candles for all of my loved ones who are gone. There will be more costume parties tonight but I will stay in and bake and be cozy. I still haven't baked anything! But I made more pumpkin soup, which finally came together perfectly, I fixed the first batch, all it needed was a sprinkle of poultry seasoning, it's so festive and comforting.

Will post some crow wing photos later. I am so lucky I made myself go down there for that event downtown yesterday, I love the Darcelle XV plaza they made, it's so beautiful, I loved everyone's costumes and joyfulness and the love of crows was just so heartwarming. I was able to pick up a paint-your-own-crow kit that could only be purchased in person that day, I cannot describe how happy this makes me, I am so in love with the laika crows and now I have my own tiny one. They only made 1000 so my crow will likely remain unpainted, at least for a while, but, when the moment is right, I think something very very magical will come of this.

Off to werk and then to play! Andrea gifted me the sweetest little bag of goodies so I need to return the favor to her. But first, shower!

I am so happy. I will write more about all the magic of yesterday later. The weather was spectacular. After a week of solid rain, we had the thickest dreamiest ethereal fog, and I rode up to the water tower for exercise on my bike in the morning and broke through the fog into sunshine at the top. We were treated to chilly bright sunshine once it all burned off. The way the colors of the leaves are glowing, against the fog and then in the sun, it's just, so much beauty.

Didn't quite get to the housework or baking, but we're enjoying the pumpkin soup and I decided to do a sunset hike up to Pittock Mansion (please pronounce this "PITtuck"), via the wildwood trail in forest park, to see the crow that's up there, it was a good 6 mile hike due to me getting turned around a bit on the trails, whoops.

It was a nice distraction from the cramps. They're still there but I had other things to think about, like how not to slip in the mud in the dark while hiking down with my headlamp lol.

It's cold and wet but there was a break in the rain, hence the sudden impulse to hike. (In an urban setting because I'm still a bit nervous to go on the highway.)

This weather means that Avalanche comes inside for snuggles more often. It's so cute how she just wants to be inside with me, when I'm home, curled up nearby, this makes me very happy.

Had lots of veggies today, taking a break from the Halloween candy, still indulging in a little bit of popcorn, though. Feeling profoundly cozy rn. I think I'll curl up with Avi and watch a little youtube before bed.

( In a little bit TMI health news, )

still not in a place to read journals but I will, I will.

The return of the rain has been a bit overwhelming, today. I went for my usual sunrise walk and it was beautiful. A couple very light whispers of raindrops and a silky pink and pastel blue stripy sunrise, with some vivid pink later for just a moment (after the most intense hot pink sunset last night with the nearly-full-moon rise). It started to rain as I made a detour to search for a missing kitten that I saw a sign for. Who loses a 7 week old kitten on a busy street. Just before a cold heavy rain sets in. Heartbreaking.

Hot coffee under the gazebo with Avalanche, she is undeterred by the rain, though she is eating more and coming inside to warm up and nap between outside adventures. (She's out right now. Brave happy kitten. She's got the coat for it.) Her winter coat is coming in, she's not shedding at all.

Not sure if I mentioned that I finally put up a little bit of Halloween, it's gently festive, it's a hodgepodge of thrifted items and nothing matches or makes sense but it makes me happy anyway. Low impact decor is my jam.

...

Josh was so spun out and upset about his shoulder this morning, he's been like this for days. It's been three weeks and he's getting exasperated at the lack of healing, but it's nerve damage and he's new to this, nerves take several months if not longer to mend.

I decided to gently distract and encourage him with silks. He resisted at first and looked so distraught, but I kept adjusting and finding more gentle things for him to try (he can pull but not push), so eventually he got warmed up and cheered up a little bit, and actually started to play and have fun. I joined in and also played and had fun, and did far more of a workout than I had intended.

We were both happy and smiling at the end of this gentle aerial workout session together, and I thanked him with tears in my eyes just for being in my life. I don't think I would have gotten up on silks and played if I didn't have him to tend to and encourage, and the fact that he was willing to try even though he was upset and nervous meant a lot. I'm so lucky to have him. He makes my life better in so many ways.

I have been tearful all day, at random happy things, and random sad things. I texted back and forth with Cynthia's best friend Cindy today for the first time, and I realized I am slowly falling in love with her, and I am so so so happy to have reached a new level of closeness with her. I noticed this at the pumpkin patch, when I had picked up on her being in a lot of pain, and also underdressed, which I tried to ease by giving her gloves and holding her gently and trying to encourage her to be easy on herself, and also to commiserate - it's nice to know I'm not the only 51 year old with lumbar spine bone spurs. She also has a rare form of cancer that is uncurable but manageable with drugs (weekly painful injections), and only one lung, which people forget because she behaves normally and is so careful not to draw attention to herself or try to fish for pity. These are serious and I try to remember and consider her weaknesses and defend her when her husband or friends try to push her if she starts to flag. She has a harder time just getting through each day than most people, and her friends forget. She makes it easy to forget, but I am making an effort to be considerate of her disabilities and I think she notices and appreciates it. We are different emotional creatures, but we are both depressed, and I think I can find a lot of comfort in both our similarities and our differences, if I just keep trying. If Cynthia loves her so much, I feel confident that she is worth loving.

...

Finally roasting my giant kabocha squash that I want to make into soup. I can't remember what I wanted to do with this day originally, but after Josh and I got so drenched and chilled at the farmers market, I have pivoted to cooking and watching more spooky movies. I settled in with a space heater and a third viewing of Nightmare Before Christmas while Josh ran off to do errands, Avalanche joined me for this. My sweetest happy cat. Who just loves to be close by. She slept with us last night. I have been asking Josh to join me in bed more often and it's been really nice. There are times I really want to sleep alone, but it's gotten so cold, and I get lonely when I wake up at 2am.

He's off at the gym to lift and try out the sauna there. He went to a sauna with his friend last night and experienced a complete relief of his shoulder pain while in the heat, so now he's interested in more of that.

This is inspiring me to finally scrub out my bathtub so that I can have a proper bath, something I've not done since we moved into this house, 11 months ago.

...

So, instead of trying to go out or do anything else athletic or cardio-based (I was considering going to the gym for the elliptical or bike or maybe a swim, but now I'm just too tired to even imagine doing that), I think I will try to make a giant batch of pumpkin ginger carrot soup, while also cutting up carrot sticks for Josh for the week (he likes to dip them in hummus), I am cooking a fancy piece of meat that's been in the freezer for months and needs to be enjoyed before it gets freezer burnt, also. If all goes well I may keep going and bake an apple/pear crisp and/or a pumpkin pie. I'd really like to make some cookies but maybe that can be later in the week.

I am a little woozy from too many Halloween candies, they are so so good but my waistline disagrees. I think also upping the estrogen is causing some weight gain and bloating, it's uncomfortable but I can manage, I will keep working at it and try to stay active during this wet rainy week, one way or another.

Sleepy Hollow is free on Josh's youtube account so I will put that on shortly. Drinking black chai in the crow cup Natasha bought me recently, I am so so sleepy and it's already after 4pm.

I wish mom could be here to enjoy this with me. I wish I could feel as if part of her is still here in some way, the way I sometimes feel with others who have died. I don't know.

Three big orders to box up before morning, I want to mail them before work tomorrow if I can.

Piano practice needs to happen at some point. I actually look forward to this. I'm so elated that after several failed attempts, I seem to have found a teacher and a system that will actually work for me.

I hope I can learn a christmas song or three over the next month or so, even if they are super simple. Piano songs don't have to be complicated to be pleasant.

Part of what inspired the piano was Andrea, at her memorial her partner talked about her "shredding" on the piano. Such a multitalented enchanted little angel wisp. I want her back.

I want Patty back.

I want my dad back. He would have been 84 this month. He would have made a sassy 84 year old, I imagine. All white and bushy and snarky, and grateful for every moment spent with his kids. My poor parents. They deserved gentler lives, with the support they needed. They deserved longer lives free of cancer and pain and so much sickness. So unfair. I don't know why I got spared their fate thus far. But I credit their efforts - they bent over backwards to make sure I felt loved, and to give me a chance to develop discipline and passion and creativity and self-improvement, in spite of all their struggles and lack of the same support they tried to hard to provide to me. They were imperfect but they tried so hard. That's what matters most.

I wish I didn't feel quite so sleepy! Glad I bought that happy lamp.

Time to check on the squash, it's starting to smell squashy :)

the only thing that is getting me through this moment is the singing of the redwinged blackbird somewhere not far from my bedroom window.

I’m so happyyyyyyyyyy

okay this is a little bit hyper but I was just sparkling at a fitness event and someone offered me a free B12 shot and I took it on a whim - it's not like me to let anyone poke me with anything without being forced, let alone a supplement, but, the last ND I tried took 5 vials of blood from me only to botch my test and give me zero results and I've literally never had my B12 tested.

Anyway, I FEEL INCREDIBLE. I have been fighting severe fatigue for a year and severely increased depressive symptoms for two years. Normally by 7pm I am barely able to stay awake, it's 9pm and I'm bouncing off the walls after working for four hours at a busy sparkling event. I feel HIGH. My brain works. This is wild. I just jogged up the stairs with zero pain in my legs for the first time since we bought this house, even though I did Dog Mt on Tuesday and a hard bike ride Thursday and then danced for four hours Thursday night and Josh and I hiked Bull Mountain this morning.

Since I'm basically veg, I'm wondering if this has been a bigger issue than I realized for a really long time. It would be super neat if this is a real doable long term health solution. I cannot believe how good I feel right now, I feel so awake and clear, like even my vision feels more clear. That all over body pain that I've been trying to just sleep away for months is seemingly not present? This is pretty trippy.

I do eat an egg every other day or so and I have half a cup or so of yogurt almost every morning, but I guess maybe that's not enough. I am vaguely remembering that when I was taking a liquid multivitamin that had B12 in it I did feel slightly better for a minute. I only took that for like, two weeks though. Because it was a little bit too sugary. Hmm. I know there is some reason that some bodies just can't absorb B12 through the digestive system well and shots work a lot better for them, I don't understand the mechanism but I'm wondering if this is part of what's going on with me.

Do healthy people feel this good all of the time? Can you imagine?!?!? lol

Josh is researching B12 shots now because he's so happy to see me energetic and joyful lol.

I'm really glad I took that random sparkle job and then didn't bail on them at the last minute like I wanted to. Everyone was so kind and interesting and fun to talk to and it was such a nice vibe. Something in my deeper instincts told me this would be a good opportunity for me, even though it's not at all part of my usual rotation or part of town. I am so grateful. I also met one of the owners of Gnome and Faerie, a new restaurant near where I used to sparkle in the SE part of town, that was a happy coincidence, he and I have been messaging and trying to get together for a while, so it was super lucky to make that connection. Tayler the GM offered me a free class at the gym anytime I want, too, pretty nifty. :)