something I wanted to post on social media but then thought better about.

[serafaery]

hey friends, wondering if there is a ladies book or art or knitting group that meets regularly and might have room for a newbie. my activity-based social bonds have collapsed due to early onset arthritis, now that I can't dance, skate, rock climb, or run. friends my age have no interest in meeting consistently as a group. I think because I lost my parents early, have no generational wealth or ties, and have no children, I am more like a 70 year old than a 50 year old, in many ways.

at my age, being childfree and parentless, with no house or inheritance, I feel like I am waiting for all of my 40-something friends to lose their parents before they realize that community is also important. very few of them will leave their homes to socialize, and my activity-based social groups have collapsed as I can no longer dance or do intense exercise with my early-onset arthritis. I feel like I am waiting for people to catch up, given the losses and trauma I've had to endure, and without religion or children or family, it's very difficult to construct meaning or a sense of belonging without a circle of women who are willing to meet regularly. I think this, along with my physical problems, are contributing significantly to my increased clinical depression symptoms, although I know menopause is also a factor.

Comments

[sylvanfae]

Hey, I haven't even hit 50 yet, and I feel the same way (even before both my parents were gone). I don't currently have or know of a group, but I'm very willing to help set something up, if you could go for an online/non-local thing. I'm looking for the same kind of group, and maybe doing something online as well as finding a local group in my area. I'm about to start going to a UU church and a garden club, here, but I love book clubs/art/knitting circles. No worries if you're looking for a local, in-person thing, though. :)

[serafaery]

ah, I absolutely love this idea. my gfs kind of broke my heart over pandemic because I had them doing regular happy hour zooms with me for a bit, but as time went on it got more and more difficult to get them together and pretty soon they all just ghosted me. I realize in retrospect that most of them had remote work and I think zoom just reminded them of work or something? I absolutely love online connection but a lot of people seem to find it distasteful. Another friend did her best to build a community online before pandemic and it seemed like we had all the right ingredients and group of ladies but again just could not get consistent engagement. I think there is some magical formula involving the right platform and people that is possible, but I'm not sure what that is. What platform would you use? I suck as zoom but it is still my favorite and I would love to get more adept at it, I have a pro account now for teaching so I would be happy to host. I have not been able to figure out how to use discord which has kept me from a lot of communities I would otherwise like to try joining, it's been sad, I just can't figure it out?

[sylvanfae]

Zoom is great, and I also find Discord kind of esoteric. I never got tired of Zoom, I thought it was neat that the world was joining us geeks in online spaces with video chat. I liked attending online classes over Zoom. I was enjoying meeting with bartstationbard et al. for the Wild Druids meetings and rituals (I got pulled away by insanely stressful events that converged on me all at once, but have been meaning to go say hi to them again, especially since I now live in NorCal, too).

I have a sense that modern screen-life and it's attention drain has been making it harder for people to engage with each other consistently, which is weird because you'd think it would make it more convenient and right-in-pocket. But engaging is harder than just scrolling, and maybe we're all a bit burnt out. But I want to get the magical formula right. Community and the way that humans need other humans, even beyond just the family unit, is so important to me. I grew up in close-knit community, and I miss it so much. Life rings so hollow without it. You need the social fabric, or you're just an individual or small family, bare and cold.

[littleoldliv]

I am part of a very small (four person) book club - we operate on Discord. We just started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig today. I suspect that's not the kind of thing you are looking for, but thought I'd mention it just in case. EDIT: oh boo I saw your Discord issues above. :(

[sylvanfae]

There are also neat book club sites/apps these days. Amazon has its own, but Fable was more exciting to me, with the social reading features where you can see each other's highlights and notes.