serafaery

I don't know if it's just being sick for so long or the going off of meds or what, but, I've been really heavy-hearted and exhauted by the way my life is going lately. I don't make enough time for the things I enjoy. I rarely feel like I'm accomplishing anything. Gaining weight, losing energy, indulging in unhealthy activities repeatedly. I've missed way too much work and it is costing me too much money. I am loath to buy food that I don't cook at home, but I'm too tired and working far too long during the day to make up for the days I've missed, so I have no time to make food, so I tend to just go hungry, which makes me more sick.

Made myself an hour late to work this morning (I needed to be two hours early to make up for missing Monday, so, I guess I'll stay here until 10pm?) doing the dishes so my roommates don't have to come home to filth - Skot did confusing things to the dishwasher and it took me forever to figure out what was clean/dirty and re-load the machine properly. So stupid. Even dishes make me want to kill myself right now.

I need to break this cycle. I need to just withdraw for a while. Stay at home and clean and play with my cat and make things.

(Still not skipping VHS or Beta on Friday though.)

So. Tired.

...

Edit: Feel better after feeding myself. Kind of helps to vent frustrations and learn how simple it is to at least slightly correct for unhealthy leanings. Mm.