lessons learned on painful holidays.

erf, went to visit my brother, was half in tears the entire time. he's not feeling well, i'm so sad, it's not a great combo. i made the best of it that i could.

when i explained how painful it was that my step-family refused to serve my food that i so carefully and lovingly prepared and offered them for their meal, yesterday (a huge vegducken, delivered distanced and masked outside and handled with the utmost care - josh and i declined to join the multiple-household gathering for the holiday, but wanted to drop of food to show support and care, as the CDC has determined that food sharing is not a vector for spreading virus), my brother remarked coldly, "well, they had enough food, and your food is kinda weird." (What he means by "weird" is vegan.) I acquiesced this, while fighting back tears.

but on reflection, here's the thing. for 45 years, for my entire life, i have been eating food for thanksgiving, an entire meal, that i don't want to eat, for everyone else's comfort. this is food that is toxic to my health. i do not want to eat a costco factory farmed cruelly tortured turkey, or highly processed cheap breadcrumb stuffing, or mashed potatoes that came from cheap non-organic chemical laden ground, full of toxic fatty also cruelly-produced dairy. but i eat it, because i am expected to. and i am grateful. but when i offer one side, one single side, of food that is known to fight cancer, fend off heart disease and diabetes (which runs in my step-family), calms inflammation, food that cured josh's eczema (which my step-family also suffers from), food that i took great pains to prepare so that it would be savory and delightful even to the biggest fast food meat eater, they refuse to show me the same courtesy.

so, i'm done. i am done eating other people's thanksgiving food. i will bring my own, and eat my own, and not eat their food, if i want to participate in the future.

it's fine, i know they didn't really intend disrespect, as my brother kindly pointed out. but whether they intended to or not, they did disrespect me. so i will stop respectfully eating unhealthy food, and save my body the discomfort.

it is a welcome lesson. but one learned with tears and pain and not a little bit of feelings of shame and rejection.

for being different. for the audacity to offer food that is organic, locally sourced, carefully lovingly prepared, and health-promoting.

feelin' bad today.

just saw a personal report of someone curing her breast cancer with turkey tail mushrooms. we don't have robust studies around this stuff because there's no money in it. (just like there's no money in learning that disease can be prevented through diet and with spices, herbs, fruits, and vegetables - who is going to fund these studies, Big Broccoli?) Big Pharma would rather you not know about anything but their expensive drugs, so the industry buries information as best it can, and distorts the truth at every turn.

it feels like we're fodder for a machine that chews up whatever life it can for the sake of profit. just little balls of meaningless flesh, trying to survive in a world that wants nothing but money.

...
eta - ui claim tomorrow, don't forget (note to self)