morning in the office.
Jul. 19th, 2021 09:40 amBen tried to get me to join him and Tyler for their Alaska trip and I declined and I'm REALLY regretting it, now. Tyler posted photos from their first cabin and omg it looks so beautiful, and I am so miserable at home. Not really - life is good, but I am stuck in that place where I can't shower or do laundry or basic self-care stuff, the apartment is a disaster, and my emotional life is in complete shreds and I can't talk to Josh about it because he's too focused on job interviews. He needs my support, not my whining, and since I can't be supportive right now (other than cooking him meals) I just make myself scarce. Unfortunately this has also involved coffee dates and netflix and chill time with sexy men who are not as trustworthy as Tyler and Ben who want more from me than I can give and just being in the presence of men who want me and not being able to do anything about it is having very strange effects on my body and my spirit. I need to get back on trail.
I thought it might be weird and not fair to Blythe (Ben's wife) to go to Alaska with the boys but I just should have fucking done it UGH. Maybe next year, if they do another wild trip, and Tyler is still single. Ben keeps texting me, it's really sweet. I'll try to call them tomorrow on their iridium phone. Maybe it would not have been good anyway - Tyler's been quicker to lose patience with me, lately. But Ben has endless patience and usually has my back and comforts me when Tyler gets grouchy. I dunno.
the huckleberries are nearly ripe, might go forage a little bit on that mountain trail again.
at the studio, trying to motivate myself to finish my claims and tracking and schedule sparklings for the week. I can do this. I didn't want to put on any music because the sounds of the birds is prettier than anything I could play on my phone.
I have a lookout tower in northern california on sunday and I'm just not sure i can make myself make the drive. but i should go try to see the redwood forest before it all burns down. i need to scout around for where to go see sequoia along the way to the tower and back, it's just east of Shasta, and figure out if I want to camp along the way, maybe stop in Bandon Friday, calfornia coast saturday, Little Mt Hoffmann Sunday, then come home? It seems like not enough time to plan and prep but when ever is there enough time, yanno? I wish i could bring someone.
I might postpone sparkle parties again until the virus simmers back down. they are too stressful, and i heard that people are contracting delta in small gatherings for the most part.
I thought it might be weird and not fair to Blythe (Ben's wife) to go to Alaska with the boys but I just should have fucking done it UGH. Maybe next year, if they do another wild trip, and Tyler is still single. Ben keeps texting me, it's really sweet. I'll try to call them tomorrow on their iridium phone. Maybe it would not have been good anyway - Tyler's been quicker to lose patience with me, lately. But Ben has endless patience and usually has my back and comforts me when Tyler gets grouchy. I dunno.
the huckleberries are nearly ripe, might go forage a little bit on that mountain trail again.
at the studio, trying to motivate myself to finish my claims and tracking and schedule sparklings for the week. I can do this. I didn't want to put on any music because the sounds of the birds is prettier than anything I could play on my phone.
I have a lookout tower in northern california on sunday and I'm just not sure i can make myself make the drive. but i should go try to see the redwood forest before it all burns down. i need to scout around for where to go see sequoia along the way to the tower and back, it's just east of Shasta, and figure out if I want to camp along the way, maybe stop in Bandon Friday, calfornia coast saturday, Little Mt Hoffmann Sunday, then come home? It seems like not enough time to plan and prep but when ever is there enough time, yanno? I wish i could bring someone.
I might postpone sparkle parties again until the virus simmers back down. they are too stressful, and i heard that people are contracting delta in small gatherings for the most part.