![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hey jupiter, nothing's been the same
Jan. 22nd, 2022 09:44 pmweird day. so much sunshine. so hard to shake the low mood. i walked the cat a lot. i barely got any packing or prep done for my trip. i delivered Cookiemas cookies to Andrea/Adam and Karissa/Ian/Ragnar, I spent way too much time wrapping them. I got some groceries and shipped out a big order, I did a load of laundry and caught up on dishes. I just feel so useless.
I'm upset with myself because I saw a box outside my neighbor's door when I was coming inside with the cat, and I didn't walk over to open their door (our keys work on the building next to ours) and set it inside, which is something I normally do whenever I see a box on one of our porches. Someone just posted on our facebook group page that a box got stolen from that door. now I feel responsible/lazy/like a bad neighbor. I can't remember why I decided not to go outside and set it inside, but I think part of it was a) I don't want someone to think I'm trying to steal a package and 2) nobody's actually going to come into the courtyard and steal anything, today, right? it's too pretty and lovely out for something crappy like that to happen, and besides, we're pretty tucked away over here.
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm so disappointed in myself, now. I could have kept this from happening and I didn't. why couldn't I take 30 seconds to help out a stranger? normally I do this kind of thing without thinking. I'm not sure what stopped me, today.'
It's a good reminder to take a moment to do this stuff, even when it doesn't seem worth it in the moment. she did say it wasn't anything too important. but still. theft is awful and I could have so easily prevented it.
It sucks to know this happened right next to my building, too. Basically it is my building, we share a wall. It makes me feel unsafe and sketched out.
I hate how stressed this city makes me. I'm tired of the constant thefts, break-ins, broken windows, random crime sprees. currently there is a wave of license plates being stolen off of cars in our area. i got new tags for mine, which are a year expired (the DMV stopped enforcing tags during pandemic and just ended that forgiveness in January, so I re-upped), but I'm scared to actually put the new updated stickers on my license plates because I'm afraid they'll get stolen off of my car. so I drive around with the tags sitting on my dashbaord, ready to show an officer if one decides to pull me over. With all of the police protests that happened in Portland, our police are largely disinterested in protecting citizens anymore, so crime just runs rampant. We are also all so mask-fanatical and frightened, compared to the rest of the country. My immuno-compromised and cancer-patient friends are grateful, but the rest of us are just constant walking balls of stress. People are getting really ill from the isolation, their lives are just bare existence, it's so unfair. I see people sitting in crowded cafes with their masks off, sipping coffee and happily chatting with friends, and I want to strangle them in a jealous rage. how dare you do this during our worst surge yet. Why can't I just live my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife.
(I just opened a bag of potato chips at 10pm oops. Yep I'm a stress-eater.)
After Tuesday I'm not working until the following Tuesday, and after that I am taking at least a full week off, I can't handle the frustration of having to isolate and curtail my socialization to protect my customers, I miss my friends and dancing too much for this.
Part of me also wants to move to a place where everybody goes around without masks like it's normal and it's okay, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.
....
When I hear my nurses that I sparkle tell me personal stories of watching people die because they can't get the care they need because all of the ICU units are taken up with unvaccinated people, I just get so nauseated. This has happened at least four times, twice last week I've heard personal stories of people losing either a patient or a family member this way. They don't have covid, they have a different medical emergency that they can't get treatment for because of all of the unvaccinated covid patients. I can't handle the senseless death. I'm too overwhelmed and I feel nauseated and scared and angry all of the time. I need a break.
It's a good thing I'm going to a lookout tower tomorrow. just gotta focus on getting up the butte, getting the place heated, splitting wood, melting snow for water. the simplicity and the starlight are much needed. I am so grateful and so fortunate. I could have it so much worse. I'm just in a bit of a depressive slump, it'll pass.
....
Nasa has some really cool photos of Jupiter, a friend posted a bunch of them on the spacebooks and I went and verified that they were real, woooooooooooow so cool. I love that planet. Our giant protector.
I'm upset with myself because I saw a box outside my neighbor's door when I was coming inside with the cat, and I didn't walk over to open their door (our keys work on the building next to ours) and set it inside, which is something I normally do whenever I see a box on one of our porches. Someone just posted on our facebook group page that a box got stolen from that door. now I feel responsible/lazy/like a bad neighbor. I can't remember why I decided not to go outside and set it inside, but I think part of it was a) I don't want someone to think I'm trying to steal a package and 2) nobody's actually going to come into the courtyard and steal anything, today, right? it's too pretty and lovely out for something crappy like that to happen, and besides, we're pretty tucked away over here.
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm so disappointed in myself, now. I could have kept this from happening and I didn't. why couldn't I take 30 seconds to help out a stranger? normally I do this kind of thing without thinking. I'm not sure what stopped me, today.'
It's a good reminder to take a moment to do this stuff, even when it doesn't seem worth it in the moment. she did say it wasn't anything too important. but still. theft is awful and I could have so easily prevented it.
It sucks to know this happened right next to my building, too. Basically it is my building, we share a wall. It makes me feel unsafe and sketched out.
I hate how stressed this city makes me. I'm tired of the constant thefts, break-ins, broken windows, random crime sprees. currently there is a wave of license plates being stolen off of cars in our area. i got new tags for mine, which are a year expired (the DMV stopped enforcing tags during pandemic and just ended that forgiveness in January, so I re-upped), but I'm scared to actually put the new updated stickers on my license plates because I'm afraid they'll get stolen off of my car. so I drive around with the tags sitting on my dashbaord, ready to show an officer if one decides to pull me over. With all of the police protests that happened in Portland, our police are largely disinterested in protecting citizens anymore, so crime just runs rampant. We are also all so mask-fanatical and frightened, compared to the rest of the country. My immuno-compromised and cancer-patient friends are grateful, but the rest of us are just constant walking balls of stress. People are getting really ill from the isolation, their lives are just bare existence, it's so unfair. I see people sitting in crowded cafes with their masks off, sipping coffee and happily chatting with friends, and I want to strangle them in a jealous rage. how dare you do this during our worst surge yet. Why can't I just live my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife.
(I just opened a bag of potato chips at 10pm oops. Yep I'm a stress-eater.)
After Tuesday I'm not working until the following Tuesday, and after that I am taking at least a full week off, I can't handle the frustration of having to isolate and curtail my socialization to protect my customers, I miss my friends and dancing too much for this.
Part of me also wants to move to a place where everybody goes around without masks like it's normal and it's okay, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.
....
When I hear my nurses that I sparkle tell me personal stories of watching people die because they can't get the care they need because all of the ICU units are taken up with unvaccinated people, I just get so nauseated. This has happened at least four times, twice last week I've heard personal stories of people losing either a patient or a family member this way. They don't have covid, they have a different medical emergency that they can't get treatment for because of all of the unvaccinated covid patients. I can't handle the senseless death. I'm too overwhelmed and I feel nauseated and scared and angry all of the time. I need a break.
It's a good thing I'm going to a lookout tower tomorrow. just gotta focus on getting up the butte, getting the place heated, splitting wood, melting snow for water. the simplicity and the starlight are much needed. I am so grateful and so fortunate. I could have it so much worse. I'm just in a bit of a depressive slump, it'll pass.
....
Nasa has some really cool photos of Jupiter, a friend posted a bunch of them on the spacebooks and I went and verified that they were real, woooooooooooow so cool. I love that planet. Our giant protector.
