mom's memorial on her 80th birthday.

so awash in gratitude right now. mom's memorial went more beautifully than i could have ever imagined. some friends of her i've never met joined us and shared sweet memories, the sun stayed shining except for one downpour right after her caretaker left, when it was only me and my brothers and sister-in-law and husband, we hunkered down together and packed up under the pop-ups and waited out the shower and it cleared up just as everything was ready to go. it was astonishing - the forecast had called for all day rain. instead we had sunshine the entire duration except that one shower that brought us closer together. i cannot imagine anything more magical.

steph, my best friend growing up, showed up. i burst into tears when i saw her. wasn't sure she'd make it.

rolland, my step-dad made it, after not responding to any of the invites, and in true form, shared so many amazingly detailed and beautiful memories of mom's care and attention to friends and family and community service. it was incredible and so perfect.

the family went around and told stories, the girls who were her piano students shared their love and memories too.

shawn brought the most perfect flowers.

i'm so, so grateful mom's caretaker Harity was able to visit for a short while, and reconnect with us and meet more of mom's family. she gave me lots of big hugs.

josh's parents were so kind, sherri kept complimenting me on the display, the flyers, the food, the decorations, "you did so much, it's so beautiful!" she was so so kind and supportive and uplifting.

everyone was.

even my playlist got astonishment - "this is the song that she played during the recital i was in!" and such. i heard lovely stories about her piano teaching that i'd never heard before.

i still hold that mom was twice the woman i will ever be.

i can't even express how grateful i am. i feel like i did something good and right for her, and that's all i really wanted.

the bench is really perfect. i'm not ready to go through photos yet. but i will. i feel better. there is something to be said for ceremony and gathering together to honor someone beloved who is no longer with us. it's important. we didn't do it for dad. i really needed this. and i hope others got something out of it, too. josh was an amazing partner and supported and helped the entire time. shawn, my full brother, helped set up and break down - he commented, and it's true, that he's always the first to arrive and the last to leave, at any event. jim rounded out the food, as always. so dependable. i'm so lucky to be surrounded by so much love.

i'm having leftover cake and a cocktail and it's really nice. josh is practicing piano. because of course he is.

I'm weeping, weeping, weeping. it's allowed.