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saturday night recap.
Jul. 11th, 2022 09:45 ammeant to mention, i did go dancing Saturday night, it was so wonderful, i can't believe i almost didn't go out.
as usual my anxiety meant i left an hour later than i'd planned to, but it was still perfect.
when i arrived, a group of kids in street clothes were gathered at the door and turning around saying to each other, "it's a ten dollar cover, not into it" and as I brushed past them, digging out my ID and my cash, Brendan waved me in hurriedly/annoyed, saying "you're good, go ahead, you're fine." :) Derrick was chatting with Voltaire in a corner.
snaked my way downstairs and there was a lively dance floor energy, got in line at the bar and greeted friends and acquaintances casually, lots of familiar faces mixed in with the crowd who had been there for the shows earlier that night.
A dude came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and stared at me. I said hello and took a beat, as his eyes melted. "Trevor?!??!" I haven't seen T-bag in well over ten years, he was a friend from back at the Bonfire Lounge when I was dating Preston. He and I were very close for about three years. Lots of raging, lots of parties, lots of food (he's a cook), fun times.
Trevor was a bit drunk and tried to apologize for being distant and it felt so funny to me - people grow apart, it's fine, it's not like it means we love each other less, just different circumstances make it harder to connect, right? anyway, it was fun to dance and catch up with him, maybe we'll have dinner some time in the next few weeks, i dunno. we're the same age which is really nice. he looks good, if a lot older, he's all grey now, but lost a lot of weight, he used to be a really big guy, now he's just sorta normal-big lol.
I cut LOOSE on the dance floor, i dunno. I was so reserved when Finley was there with me, but when I'm alone I don't gaf and just dance all weird and it feels so much better. I stomp hard when I want to stomp hard - people respond to this on the floor. I snake and worm my arms to noodly bits of music, like the weird in-between bridges in Gesaffelstein's "Opr" - and people are weirded out and don't know what to make of my alien movements, which delights me to no end. Derick put this song on for me as soon as I entered.
He then played Sierra which he plays for me every time he sees me, then he played a bunch more of my favorites all in a row and destroyed me in the very best way. I can not explain how joyful I was. He played Stonefist for me, and Down In It but a really weird remix of it that made me really happy, Prodigy, TR/ST, omg i can't remember the string of perfect songs but it was so ridiculously indulgent. Thrill Kill Kult was requested by Trevor and slipped in at the perfect moment, just when I was thinking 'TKK would fit nicely here,' also same with Derrick's insertion of Sex Dwarf - I love when I can predict the next song based on Derrick's energy and direction. (It's easier to do when he's drunk like he was on Saturday, lol).
I took a break during the descent into Detroit industrial sounds (Pigface and Nitzer Ebb and Combicrist and etc - i enjoy all that but wanted to drink my beer and water and just chat with Brent a bit). Kevin gave me a huge hug and lifted me up, I reconnected with some older Shadowplay friends, Kenneth and Timo, and Gabriel, who is also a DJ and who requested Pixel Grip as our last song which was such a perfect last song at that moment. I'm definitely making an effort to go to his dance night in the future, if he plays stuff like that.
We all chatted outside at the end of the night, even drunk Derrick came over and hung out with us, was sooooooo lovely, all my boys. (I hoard them like a dragon hoards treasure.) It's so, so nice to me that 15 years later we can all still hang out and have fun dancing together until the wee hours of the morning, it's the best, I feel so comforted and supported and sustained by this. Also the boys are kind to me and not gross. We can be friendly and cozy together and it doesn't feel weird or strained. I love this.
I feel like a few people are treating me slightly differently after seeing me with Finley at Shadowplay. Kevin was embarrassed that he mistook him for my husband, it is objectively confusing, even for me, so I cannot blame him and comforted him as best I could. But some of the guys seem more relaxed which is nice. Ryan finally introduced himself to me which was really nice, I like him a lot. Now I just need to officially meet little skeleton girl and I'll feel complete.
...
i have been eating so much comfort food, need to be careful today, oof.
...
headache. why is my coffee broken.
need to get to werk.
as usual my anxiety meant i left an hour later than i'd planned to, but it was still perfect.
when i arrived, a group of kids in street clothes were gathered at the door and turning around saying to each other, "it's a ten dollar cover, not into it" and as I brushed past them, digging out my ID and my cash, Brendan waved me in hurriedly/annoyed, saying "you're good, go ahead, you're fine." :) Derrick was chatting with Voltaire in a corner.
snaked my way downstairs and there was a lively dance floor energy, got in line at the bar and greeted friends and acquaintances casually, lots of familiar faces mixed in with the crowd who had been there for the shows earlier that night.
A dude came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and stared at me. I said hello and took a beat, as his eyes melted. "Trevor?!??!" I haven't seen T-bag in well over ten years, he was a friend from back at the Bonfire Lounge when I was dating Preston. He and I were very close for about three years. Lots of raging, lots of parties, lots of food (he's a cook), fun times.
Trevor was a bit drunk and tried to apologize for being distant and it felt so funny to me - people grow apart, it's fine, it's not like it means we love each other less, just different circumstances make it harder to connect, right? anyway, it was fun to dance and catch up with him, maybe we'll have dinner some time in the next few weeks, i dunno. we're the same age which is really nice. he looks good, if a lot older, he's all grey now, but lost a lot of weight, he used to be a really big guy, now he's just sorta normal-big lol.
I cut LOOSE on the dance floor, i dunno. I was so reserved when Finley was there with me, but when I'm alone I don't gaf and just dance all weird and it feels so much better. I stomp hard when I want to stomp hard - people respond to this on the floor. I snake and worm my arms to noodly bits of music, like the weird in-between bridges in Gesaffelstein's "Opr" - and people are weirded out and don't know what to make of my alien movements, which delights me to no end. Derick put this song on for me as soon as I entered.
He then played Sierra which he plays for me every time he sees me, then he played a bunch more of my favorites all in a row and destroyed me in the very best way. I can not explain how joyful I was. He played Stonefist for me, and Down In It but a really weird remix of it that made me really happy, Prodigy, TR/ST, omg i can't remember the string of perfect songs but it was so ridiculously indulgent. Thrill Kill Kult was requested by Trevor and slipped in at the perfect moment, just when I was thinking 'TKK would fit nicely here,' also same with Derrick's insertion of Sex Dwarf - I love when I can predict the next song based on Derrick's energy and direction. (It's easier to do when he's drunk like he was on Saturday, lol).
I took a break during the descent into Detroit industrial sounds (Pigface and Nitzer Ebb and Combicrist and etc - i enjoy all that but wanted to drink my beer and water and just chat with Brent a bit). Kevin gave me a huge hug and lifted me up, I reconnected with some older Shadowplay friends, Kenneth and Timo, and Gabriel, who is also a DJ and who requested Pixel Grip as our last song which was such a perfect last song at that moment. I'm definitely making an effort to go to his dance night in the future, if he plays stuff like that.
We all chatted outside at the end of the night, even drunk Derrick came over and hung out with us, was sooooooo lovely, all my boys. (I hoard them like a dragon hoards treasure.) It's so, so nice to me that 15 years later we can all still hang out and have fun dancing together until the wee hours of the morning, it's the best, I feel so comforted and supported and sustained by this. Also the boys are kind to me and not gross. We can be friendly and cozy together and it doesn't feel weird or strained. I love this.
I feel like a few people are treating me slightly differently after seeing me with Finley at Shadowplay. Kevin was embarrassed that he mistook him for my husband, it is objectively confusing, even for me, so I cannot blame him and comforted him as best I could. But some of the guys seem more relaxed which is nice. Ryan finally introduced himself to me which was really nice, I like him a lot. Now I just need to officially meet little skeleton girl and I'll feel complete.
...
i have been eating so much comfort food, need to be careful today, oof.
...
headache. why is my coffee broken.
need to get to werk.
