caturday

feeling bad this morning. really behind on orders and scheduling work, so worried about Lunar. He's eating and drinking and peeing and pooping just fine, but he won't come out from under the couch otherwise. No snuggles or purrs. I tried giving him a little extra painkiller last night, even though he's still on a slow release injectable through today, but it didn't help.

dancing was kinda sad last night. the music was fabulous and I had a great time shaking my ass, but, i guess this happens with reunions, it's often just not the same. the venue that i used to dance at for Shut Up and Dance is no longer a venue, so being in a different space just really changed the vibe, and different people came out, so i didn't get to see any of my old friends. a few people recognized me from The Fez years, but Greg didn't, which was so weird to me since he actually threw me a birthday night once without my even asking. But he's older and we all start to lose our recollection after a bit, and he sees so so many people. we were never close, he's such a weirdo, his sentences never follow any structure, ha.

going to try a circus drop-in at a new practice space called the Haven, I'm super nervous about it but we'll see how it goes, I just want to get on my equipment. If it goes well, I won't have to sign up for silks at Nightflight for $200+, I can just come play there for their drop-in fee which is only $20 for two hours.

I might still sign up for John's class, just for extra motivation and strength, though. My shoulder is feeling better and I would love to get my pullups back.

Going to let my coffee kick in, indulge in some online reading, catch up on beloved journals, and pick out some circus clothes for the drop-in. I need to medicate Lunar first. and a quick shower might be polite, but I don't have time to wash my hair.

...

there are two alien horror films i want to set aside some time for in October, I'm so ready for spooky season. I don't usually do horror, but Nope sounds really weird and I love weird aliens (the Xenomorph is one of my favorite creatures) and Prey's Camanche setting sounds fascinating and worth seeing, even though the gore will be gross. I find nothing at all stimulating or engaging about overly violent tearing apart of limbs and whatnot. I'm not sure why humans find this entertaining. Yay violent unimaginably painful unrecoverable injury and death! ?? To me it's just yucky. Like, what am I learning from witnessing that? Other than to be grateful that my intestines are on the inside of my body. I guess because of my trauma background, I think about the demise of my meatsuit on a regular basis, sometimes minute by minute, but at least many many times per day, so there's nothing novel about the dread involved in the idea of it no longer being able to sustain my life. But the premise of Predator and the alien aspect, I find interesting - that's more my kind of weird. The hunting and hiding for survival I find interesting. And i like the idea of nestling in for a scary movie or two on a rainy night with a friend and some salty treats.

...

someone I reconnected with online who I knew back in the early 2000s asked for photos of me from back then, and this has never happened before and it makes me feel indescribably awful and I can't put my finger on exactly why. i have no interest in talking to this person ever again, now. being interested in who i was and not who i am feels so shitty. i never really thought about it until this happened. i like looking back, too, maybe that's all it is, just a look back, but. not at the expense of my current experience. i dunno.

..

Tango tonight hopefully. I'll be okay, just very worried about my kitty, I want him happy and purring again.

new circus space, work, the moon the moon the moon

home from silx. got all orders packaged, just need to print shipping labels and packing slips and I can head to the post office, thank goodness.

Lunar is not eating. I pet him and he purred and came out from under the couch and sniffed everything, walked around, and then went right back under the couch. I'm sooooooooo worried. I will pick him up some different foods after the post office run.

but for now, I need a latte before I pass out.

I fucked up my shoulder royally on the silks. I'm hoping it's temporary. It was too fun, the rig points are so high, I was having toooooo much fun.

It's a cloudy day with a high of 80, the coolest day in weeks. All I want to do is sleep. (Which is what Josh is doing, at the moment.)

I had to say no to Josh's idea to go to the mountain tomorrow in favor of catching up on sparkles from missing my usual Thurs/Fri/Sat workdays for Lunar issues. Sad but he'll live. We can go running in the morning before I start sparkling, at least. I never work on Sundays, kinda dreading it, but I also have to pay rent somehow.

This little spooky season background music helps with the doldrums while working on office/computer stuff. It's just interesting enough to seem not entirely pointless, but subtle enough to not sound like actual music I would want to try to pay attention to. I'm not really quite ready for fall yet, but I like the relaxed vibe this brings, and it highlights all the subtle brushes of autumn color that are starting to show up in the flowers and leaves and sunsets that surround me. oh and the moon last night, the moon the moon.

Watch on YouTube

non-functional

just paralyzed by worry, cannot seem to schedule any sparkles, wth. i don't know what to do about lunar other than to just keep trying to get him to eat and giving him his medicine. i hate seeing him like this. i miss my kitty. i also need to work. guh. it's the first, i have to pay apt rent and studio rent and buy another bulk purchase of sparkles, that all should happen tonight, but i just can't seem to make any movement towards any of this.

will try again in the morning, sigh.

Shut Up and Dance at Coffin Club, mebbe bebbeh?

awwww, my Shut Up and Dance DJ is messaging me about last night and asking for advice going forward and wants to do an event at my club and wants me on the list. What a sweetheart. I feel better. Maybe he remembered me once he saw me dance - nobody moves quite like I do, not to toot my own horn, I'm just very different. And very tall haha.