![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Injured - public version
Dec. 15th, 2022 10:53 pmGot my old laptop up and running, it's a Christmas miracle!
The reason for booting the old laptop is because I've been rendered immobile by an injury, sad times.
I found that Christmas CD I was looking for on here, I would have *never* found it searching. It's called Enchanted Christmas Vol III by Mjchael Allen Harrison and it's pretty much all piano, with a bunch of Beethoven mixed in with winter themed songs.
...
I had the worst morning, but also a bit of a wake-up call.
Really glad I got the tree decorated before this happened.
So grateful for the gentle Christmas music I found.
Grateful for my laptop working and for twinkle lights, for friends and for food that can be delivered.
The pain won't be forever.
Maybe I could even read some paper books, tomorrow.
Clean my room a little.
Take care of myself in quieter ways.
The amount that I am forced to slow down is astonishing. The crutch-step-step, crutch-step-step motion means I'm moving at about a quarter of the speed of my normal pace.
The way this makes me feel is astonishing. I have time to notice the color of the sky, the scent of the air, the sounds of my crutches on pavement. Everything slows down, including my racing thoughts.
I'm normally running around all over the place as fast as I can.
Josh pointed out that my activity level before I got injured was as extreme as his used to be, but compounded by the fact that I also have an extremely active social life, which includes movement, so while he (and Tyler) would have long periods of shutting themselves away from everyone to recover, I do not have any of that - I just keep moving. Even when I am at home, I am busy cooking and cleaning and working in my office. I have no real down time at all. Plus the perimenopause symptoms are messing up my sleep, so I couldn't even rest properly while trying to sleep. I've probably been averaging 5 hrs a night.
And I work on my feet. They have desk jobs.
No wonder I got hurt.
I do everything on my feet.
Now I can't do anything at all on my feet.
Because I didn't take care of them properly.
........
Haaaa okay, Instacart didn't pan out so I canceled it (with some serious effort - definitely will not be trying that again) borrowed Josh's car so that I didn't have to use my left foot for the clutch, and went to the coop - where people treated me like I was a stranger, charged me for something I didn't ask for, and didn't give me a receipt so I have no way to return it. But hey. I have peanut butter now. Thirty dollars later. (I got chips and chocolate for Josh, and three apples for myself. And that candy I didn't want. Groceries are ridiculous anymore.) So that's something.
I have pomegranate so all cannot be lost.
I'm unclear on how to be idle.
Movement is the basis of my entire existence. Love, and expression, and movement.
At least I can still type, so, there is some expression. But it feels a bit lifeless.
I have a mountain of gingerbread cookies and no way to deliver them.
There is a special pain that comes with knowing that I am not worth coming over for a visit, even when I am offering fresh home baked cookies.
Sigh.
I was going to frost them today but that plan fell apart. Also never hennaed my hair, and my room is still a mess, which feels worse now that I'm trapped in it.
But I have fizzy water and a comfy bed.
I'll be fine.
Just in a lot of pain right now.
Was crying over mom a lot, today. Again just now, on the way to the store and back. She loved The Snowman movie. The first song on the Enchanted Christmas collection mentioned above is from that, and it's so beautiful. She would love this version of it so, so much, it is so her.
But she'll never get to hear it.
...
The reason for booting the old laptop is because I've been rendered immobile by an injury, sad times.
I found that Christmas CD I was looking for on here, I would have *never* found it searching. It's called Enchanted Christmas Vol III by Mjchael Allen Harrison and it's pretty much all piano, with a bunch of Beethoven mixed in with winter themed songs.
...
I had the worst morning, but also a bit of a wake-up call.
Really glad I got the tree decorated before this happened.
So grateful for the gentle Christmas music I found.
Grateful for my laptop working and for twinkle lights, for friends and for food that can be delivered.
The pain won't be forever.
Maybe I could even read some paper books, tomorrow.
Clean my room a little.
Take care of myself in quieter ways.
The amount that I am forced to slow down is astonishing. The crutch-step-step, crutch-step-step motion means I'm moving at about a quarter of the speed of my normal pace.
The way this makes me feel is astonishing. I have time to notice the color of the sky, the scent of the air, the sounds of my crutches on pavement. Everything slows down, including my racing thoughts.
I'm normally running around all over the place as fast as I can.
Josh pointed out that my activity level before I got injured was as extreme as his used to be, but compounded by the fact that I also have an extremely active social life, which includes movement, so while he (and Tyler) would have long periods of shutting themselves away from everyone to recover, I do not have any of that - I just keep moving. Even when I am at home, I am busy cooking and cleaning and working in my office. I have no real down time at all. Plus the perimenopause symptoms are messing up my sleep, so I couldn't even rest properly while trying to sleep. I've probably been averaging 5 hrs a night.
And I work on my feet. They have desk jobs.
No wonder I got hurt.
I do everything on my feet.
Now I can't do anything at all on my feet.
Because I didn't take care of them properly.
........
Haaaa okay, Instacart didn't pan out so I canceled it (with some serious effort - definitely will not be trying that again) borrowed Josh's car so that I didn't have to use my left foot for the clutch, and went to the coop - where people treated me like I was a stranger, charged me for something I didn't ask for, and didn't give me a receipt so I have no way to return it. But hey. I have peanut butter now. Thirty dollars later. (I got chips and chocolate for Josh, and three apples for myself. And that candy I didn't want. Groceries are ridiculous anymore.) So that's something.
I have pomegranate so all cannot be lost.
I'm unclear on how to be idle.
Movement is the basis of my entire existence. Love, and expression, and movement.
At least I can still type, so, there is some expression. But it feels a bit lifeless.
I have a mountain of gingerbread cookies and no way to deliver them.
There is a special pain that comes with knowing that I am not worth coming over for a visit, even when I am offering fresh home baked cookies.
Sigh.
I was going to frost them today but that plan fell apart. Also never hennaed my hair, and my room is still a mess, which feels worse now that I'm trapped in it.
But I have fizzy water and a comfy bed.
I'll be fine.
Just in a lot of pain right now.
Was crying over mom a lot, today. Again just now, on the way to the store and back. She loved The Snowman movie. The first song on the Enchanted Christmas collection mentioned above is from that, and it's so beautiful. She would love this version of it so, so much, it is so her.
But she'll never get to hear it.
...
