snow spell.

the snow is so beautiful.

my car looks like a cupcake.

lots of road and freeway closures, not going anywhere.

wish i could just relax and enjoy it, but i have to try to finish taxes and prep for joshua tree. i just want to stay home. i have a sore throat and i'm so tired. i just want to relax and indulge in the natural beauty of this. this never happens. this is rare. this might be the last time - i'm always aware that life is so very fragile, there are never any days promised to us.

will try to just enjoy my coffee and not think about work or the trip for a couple hours. it's only 9:30am and i've already done a workout and laundry, i can sit and breathe, i'm allowed, it's okay.

(really struggling with long term stress issues.)

(will do a gratitude list soon.)

note to self

Watch on YouTube

snow day

I feel better. Took a walk in the snow, it's so pretty, crazy blustery out there, big drifts. We've never had so much snow so late in the year, it broke all kinds of records. also kinda broke the city, sooooo many bridge and street and freeway closures. glad I didn't need to go anywhere. Watching people dig out their cars makes me not really want a banana very badly.

Got some good work done on my taxes. On my walk I rewarded myself with an almond milk latte and a cinnamon roll, this time the Shoefly vegan one that is my favorite - that one at La Provence was dry and sad. I only ate half of it, the rest is still in the freezer. I didn't know a cinnamon roll could be disappointing but that sure was.

I will have to make my own at some point. with whole grain bread and less sugar but still the same cinnamony goeyness. mmmmm.


bright sparkly sunshine on the snow.

Josh has a break and wants to go back out there. I'll do a gratitude list when I get back.

appreciation post

walked in the snow with joshter, it was really nice.

there are some streets that are almost smooth enough to skate on, i might try to make a video in the morning. they are sketchy but maybe doable. could at least do a spin or something, maybe.

got to the burrito place and it was slammmed so i left josh for the fancy grocery store, i did want a banana pretty bad lol. and i didn't want trashy mexican food.

called tyler on the way to make sure he had is power back on. got suddenly light-headed and really dizzy when i reached the door, hung up with him and started hunting for treats. i thought the fruit and nuts and yogurt this morning plus cinnamon roll plus latte plus avocado toast and an egg for lunch were enough food but i felt like i was going to pass out. really shaky and unsteady and weak and my eyes went blurry. was it hunger or something else? not sure what's going on with me. i took my supplements with the cinnamon roll and avocado toast so maybe one of those is bothering me? not sure what's going on.

got some veggies and fruit and treats. they had hot turnip soup and three huge lovely tables by giant windows that nobody was using, so i got a cup of soup and just relaxed and ate. the store was quiet and they have beautiful displays of flowers and produce and chocolate, it's really pleasant. i have been craving sugar and apparently dried apricots are a good food for perimenopause so i ate a bunch of those with my soup, and a handful of local organic roasted hazelnuts. so delish.

had some dark chocolate when i got home, also full of flavinoids. good for my perimenopausal brain, says lisa marconi. i'm not sure how much i believe a pre-menopausal person about this stuff, though, i'm curious to see how her research changes in ten years when she has to experience this stuff first hand. right now she's one of those it's-perfectly-natural voices and yeah, get in here with us and then tell me how much you enjoy this "perfectly natural" process. you know what, joints degrading due to aging is also "perfectly natural" and nobody enjoys that. doing everything to prevent those symptoms is not questioned. why when it comes to women's health specifically is the default always to just tolerate it.

anyway okay off my rant, lol.

...

gratitude!

* i found my hat with the bright pink earballs
* bright pink hoodie underlayer gift from tyler that goes with my hat
* warm gloves and boots in the snow
* SNOW!
* sunshine
* the crystaline clear blue sky, today
* sunset
* that adorable little snowman up the street
* hot turnip soup on a snowy day
* a walk with my husband after working
* got a lot done on my taxes (so close!)
* my club is actually open tonight - should i go dance? i could if i want to, that's nice
* clean laundry
* they had my favorite local savoy cabbage at the fancy grocery store up the street
* the fancy grocery store up the street is open, and exists
* crows making cute sounds in the cedar tree above my apartment
* spotted a pair of gold finches in the same tree
* the spooky soft moan of the wind
* dark chocolate
* microfoam on an almond milk latte - is there anything more delicate and lovely on the tongue?
* twinkle lights
* the magic of an unexpected storm
* my little coffee cup earrings
* friendly neighbors (chatted with jarod and michael today)
* a warm cozy heated apartment
* laughter and sounds of play from strangers outside in the street
* walking through pristine undisturbed snow drifts
* sparkling icicles
* nourishing foods
* friends who love me and i love them
* cute kitties on the internet
* mushrooms
* my grandmother's simple gold wedding band
* not needing to drive anywhere in the snow and ice (i'm listening to tires spin out on roads a few blocks away)
* this amazingly gentle soft cozy little life full of love and warmth and support and softness.