heartfelt friends

forgot this sweet moment, catching up with George, I had to exclaim, "you look exactly the same!" (I haven't seen him in five years, and he literally doesn't age), and he said, in response, with emphasis, You look *better*. Awwwwww.

dancing with myself, uhoh

Just needed to vent one more time that I'm sad that I can't connect with my stoner group of friends at the club fully because I don't come out and get high outside with them every fifteen minutes. So there's all these people that show up and integrate themselves with this group deeply and easily, and they do things together outside of goth nights, because they spend so much time outside smoking weed and talking, and I am excluded from all of that - so I've been dancing with them for a year and a half, desperately scrabbling for time with them outside of the club which never happens, and meanwhile they make all these other friendships within a few months. and I'm left alone.

which I'm used to! But another example of why weed annoys me, even though I never want to take it away from anyone and I understand that it makes people's lives better and helps them function. It also makes them sleepy and incoherent and takes away from my ability to form a connection with them. If it effected me the way it effects them, I'm sure I'd feel differently and it would be the best thing ever. But the really severe stoners do often complain about mood imbalance and depression and wishing they could smoke less, so, I dunno.

I just know I need coffee rn.

I think i ate enough yesterday for two days, I will wait until dinner to eat today, feels like. hunger feels like a distant memory from another life. I still feel a little bit nauseated from the news about Jim yesterday. Losing him was so unexpected and traumatic. He had worked extremely hard all of his life, and retired early, strictly with the purpose to have fun. and he was doing it. He had beautiful homes and beautiful friends and was such a fun person. It just doesn't add up. My poor friends.