Darwin and ik0n

there is one cat and one human who felt sincerely otherworldly connected to me, timeless, formless, whose spirits spoke to mine in a resonance and knowing beyond their earthly form. we found each other purely by chance and were together too briefly. but it felt like we'd been friends forever, and will be again.

revenge is bitter; let's stay sweet

oooooooo sick burn lol (related to a previous post)



(also that girl is nice to me on social media at least - we are both outdoorsy and she always hearts my mountain hikes and silks stuff - she's a nice person, i like her, just like i like natasha - i can still feel irritated that she's copying my clothes and dance moves and such)

pet peeves

I am getting REALLY exhausted by the internet telling me that any and all normal behavior is a symptom of ADHD. I know what real ADHD looks like, I have a family member with a severe case of it, it is a true neurological disorder involving reuptake inhibition of specific neuro-chemicals. That small subset of folks tolerate stimulants well which is why amphetamines can be helpful for them.

I do not have ADHD. I am a normal person with normal struggles involving attention span caused by excessive screen time expected of us in this current social landscape. Plz stop telling me I am sick.

so cold so cold. I'm a lucky fae but very cold today.

just put on a pot for tea even though tea upsets my stomach because I'm sooooooo cold. it's 55 degrees and the heat never came on tonight.

I had to rinse myself with a tea kettle today after my shower turned icy halfway through and never got warm again. my hair is still half-full of conditioner.

wrapped up in a sweater and a hoodie.

might put legwarmers over my leggings actually.

bedtime soon.

so tired.

had a really fun photoshoot with Max today. we were having fun at an outdoor location until we got rained out. we got totally soaked.

my throat is sore and I really don't want to be sick for Shadowplay tomorrow. erf.

I got a cancellation and switched another appt to tonight so I'm off work tomorrow by 1pm which will give me time to rest before dancing. It's the 17th anniversary and Derek promises to play some Fez-era music. (some of this he plays for me anyway.) I'm excited but hope I can stay healthy.

I like the moody blustery weather but not when I can't get warm.

after my walk with Cynthia this morning, my hands wouldn't move. I should have kept my gloves on during the walk. part of me wants to visit a doctor right when this happens, so that I can show them the horrible slow-motion experience I am having. I know this is normal with aging, but it doesn't make it any more bearable. I want it to stop. I want the sheaths of my motor neurons to stop degrading. i want help with this. desperately. i know that there is help for it, actually - i just don't have access to it.

i have access to a lot of other care, though, that i didn't have before. for this, i am grateful.

ate a lot of junk food today in order to get through the photoshoot, might be part of the cause of this horrible mood. anytime i eat several foods with barcodes (today was a picky bar, some plantain chips, an RX bar, a kind bar, and some Everybody Eats gf crackers), i feel like trash. i felt like trash for most of my life, before i learned how to eat in a way that made me feel not sick all the time.

tomorrow will be better.

it will be dry and warm again fri/sat/sun. i will teach thriller dancing and sparkle and perhaps take my lead climbing test (i don't guess i will pass only because they fail basically everyone their first time through - it's just a tradition they have i guess).