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friday unwinding
Apr. 26th, 2024 09:29 pmToday was odd but there were some good moments.
got the bathroom sink and tub scrubbed out this morning before work. made lunch for josh. my podiatrist appointment was a total waste of time, she did not help me at all, except to confirm that my foot was not broken. tyler thinks i should go to some renowned foot expert guy who is in town. i think maybe i should just go back to my physical therapist? unsure how to move forward with this. i am tired of hurting all the time and being slowed down so much by this.
sigh.
anyway.
work was rough, but shorter than usual thanks to a cancellation, which gave me time to clean up and prep the kitchen for josh's cooking class. after that i pivoted to orders, made some excellent progress there. i can finish in the morning with everything that came in the last two days.
tyler came over to enjoy the results of the class, and we chatted easily, it was nice. Tyler is worried about my foot.
it hurts. furf.
anyway.
social media seems very toxic lately. it keeps trying to get me to enlist in depression studies, suggests ways to get on disability (?), keeps pushing dating apps (I'm married?), tells me about gig jobs to help make ends meet like doordash and such. why does it think i'm poor and depressed.
also had a rough time at the club last night. i feel like the mix of everyone and their dog being on Adderall is starting to result in really bizarre behaviors when they mix it with alcohol or coke or whatever it is they are doing. everyone being diagnosed with add and being given these drugs is really starting to freak me out - but maybe that's just be being an old fogie. I am pushing 50. And sober. I just, miss the good ole' days of alcohol and weed and heroin. why is everyone on speed and fet, now. it can't be making life better for anyone. even though i'm positive that it makes them feel better, in the moment. sigh.
gratitude!
* mineral glitter
* the new taylor swift album
* sending natasha morning photos of avalanche
* going through old silks photoshoot images
* wisteria in bloom
* petal snow everywhere
* chore-stacking
* mysterious bouts of house cleaning energy
* the super cheap easy foaming handsoap refills custom scented with my own essential oils
* fizzy water
* lemon slices
* strawberries slowly sweetening
* cinnamon
* electric heat on chilly spring days
* warm clean snuggly hoodie
* unicorn socks
* azaleas
* the dogwoods in bloom
* olive oil and truffle salt from josh's cooking class kit
* avalanche's perpetual happiness
* having a happy, healthy, well-adjusted partner (and cat, and tyler - well, not sure how happy he is, but he is well-adjusted anyway)
* silver eyeshadow
* the new grey silks at the gym
* breaks in the grey clouds
* shelter from the rain
* the short story collection from Ursula K LeGuin I'm working through - it's really nice to have stories that don't require a several-hour investment to get through, but are still thoughtful and have interesting moments.
...
not sure why i care so much if people understand me or care about me. maybe i shouldn't. maybe it doesn't matter. maybe i should just live my life however feels natural and stop trying to make myself somehow better or more useful or more pleasant or more intelligent or more helpful or kind. (kind of a little worn out from therapy maybe.)
I found a housekeeping video from a lady with a place like ours! they do exist! It was a huge relief to see that! she was a mom but still. it made me feel better. she had to do the dishes in stages, like i do, because they didn't have a dishwasher. things don't look pretty when they're clean because how can apartments look nice ever really, with cheap bland paint and cheap old cabinets and fixtures and appliances and such. still, she cleaned, and it was helpful/motivating to hear her internal struggles and process. I think this is part of how i got the tub and sink cleaned yesterday. i had a moment, it was all i could do but i could do it - i don't have to do everything all at once, do i.
avalanche loves having clean floors. i honestly think she associates my cleaning with a more pleasant living space, in her own little kitty way of understanding. she gets so happy during and after the floor-cleaning process, it's really cute. having a cat has always helped me to keep up better with the floors. they notice and appreciate it, even if no one else does.
got the bathroom sink and tub scrubbed out this morning before work. made lunch for josh. my podiatrist appointment was a total waste of time, she did not help me at all, except to confirm that my foot was not broken. tyler thinks i should go to some renowned foot expert guy who is in town. i think maybe i should just go back to my physical therapist? unsure how to move forward with this. i am tired of hurting all the time and being slowed down so much by this.
sigh.
anyway.
work was rough, but shorter than usual thanks to a cancellation, which gave me time to clean up and prep the kitchen for josh's cooking class. after that i pivoted to orders, made some excellent progress there. i can finish in the morning with everything that came in the last two days.
tyler came over to enjoy the results of the class, and we chatted easily, it was nice. Tyler is worried about my foot.
it hurts. furf.
anyway.
social media seems very toxic lately. it keeps trying to get me to enlist in depression studies, suggests ways to get on disability (?), keeps pushing dating apps (I'm married?), tells me about gig jobs to help make ends meet like doordash and such. why does it think i'm poor and depressed.
also had a rough time at the club last night. i feel like the mix of everyone and their dog being on Adderall is starting to result in really bizarre behaviors when they mix it with alcohol or coke or whatever it is they are doing. everyone being diagnosed with add and being given these drugs is really starting to freak me out - but maybe that's just be being an old fogie. I am pushing 50. And sober. I just, miss the good ole' days of alcohol and weed and heroin. why is everyone on speed and fet, now. it can't be making life better for anyone. even though i'm positive that it makes them feel better, in the moment. sigh.
gratitude!
* mineral glitter
* the new taylor swift album
* sending natasha morning photos of avalanche
* going through old silks photoshoot images
* wisteria in bloom
* petal snow everywhere
* chore-stacking
* mysterious bouts of house cleaning energy
* the super cheap easy foaming handsoap refills custom scented with my own essential oils
* fizzy water
* lemon slices
* strawberries slowly sweetening
* cinnamon
* electric heat on chilly spring days
* warm clean snuggly hoodie
* unicorn socks
* azaleas
* the dogwoods in bloom
* olive oil and truffle salt from josh's cooking class kit
* avalanche's perpetual happiness
* having a happy, healthy, well-adjusted partner (and cat, and tyler - well, not sure how happy he is, but he is well-adjusted anyway)
* silver eyeshadow
* the new grey silks at the gym
* breaks in the grey clouds
* shelter from the rain
* the short story collection from Ursula K LeGuin I'm working through - it's really nice to have stories that don't require a several-hour investment to get through, but are still thoughtful and have interesting moments.
...
not sure why i care so much if people understand me or care about me. maybe i shouldn't. maybe it doesn't matter. maybe i should just live my life however feels natural and stop trying to make myself somehow better or more useful or more pleasant or more intelligent or more helpful or kind. (kind of a little worn out from therapy maybe.)
I found a housekeeping video from a lady with a place like ours! they do exist! It was a huge relief to see that! she was a mom but still. it made me feel better. she had to do the dishes in stages, like i do, because they didn't have a dishwasher. things don't look pretty when they're clean because how can apartments look nice ever really, with cheap bland paint and cheap old cabinets and fixtures and appliances and such. still, she cleaned, and it was helpful/motivating to hear her internal struggles and process. I think this is part of how i got the tub and sink cleaned yesterday. i had a moment, it was all i could do but i could do it - i don't have to do everything all at once, do i.
avalanche loves having clean floors. i honestly think she associates my cleaning with a more pleasant living space, in her own little kitty way of understanding. she gets so happy during and after the floor-cleaning process, it's really cute. having a cat has always helped me to keep up better with the floors. they notice and appreciate it, even if no one else does.
