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warm summer coffee break
Jul. 18th, 2024 02:21 pmtaking a sip of hot afternoon coffee, the bliss pouring through my system like liquid joy.
there is a warm breeze coming through my bedroom window, right next to my desk here. like pure bliss in air form. soft caresses on my skin, the absolute perfect temperature.
taking a moment to breathe and delight in this beautiful moment, before i get back to work.
been having a gentle self-care day at home. it comes with spikes of guilt for not being "productive" or self-sacrificing. what i try to tell myself, for instance, while enjoying a much needed long, hot shower after denying myself one for so many days, is that i am allowed to redirect my rescue impulse toward myself. there are others in my life i want to dump my resources into, because they are struggling. but, i was struggling so painfully for so long, that this healing period of my life is extremely important and worth my time and energy.
just really gently trying to ease into the idea that i am worth giving my own time and energy to.
been listening to a new audiobook and just hit a chapter on disloyalty and misinformation, it's a doozy, but i think, very important, too. i'm glad i picked up this little gem. I have found a few really interesting books via the Hidden Brain podcast/show via NPR.
cooked for josh, cleaned some (still lots to do), made myself a really beautiful healthy meal. fresh chives this time of year are a delight.
my foot has been twingy so i'm taking a break from PT exercises today, still planning to dance tonight. still planning to see finley in a couple hours. still enjoying the bird feeder.
i feel torn, i want to see The Midnight in that really beautiful venue east of Seattle in September, but I have a lookout tower reserved for that weekend. The tower might get smoked out, but the concert might also sell out (or get smoked out). i could cancel the lookout but it would be a lot harder to sell concert tickets if needed. i have the lookout tower two other times but those also could not work out for various reasons, agh, such good problems to have.
i just can see the potential for that show to be the most magical thing.
i feel so delicate and tiny, in this world, like we all are, such fragile little things.
the Look Again book is about "making life re-sparkle," hence the moment to stop and contemplate the magic in this moment. i am feeling exceptionally lucky and happy and want to appreciate it fully and soak it in.
it reminds me of those moments in boston, living with John, who i was so madly and completely in love with, how much i loved that apartment we shared and my life with him, and how i would lie and gaze out the windows and just marvel at the beauty of it all, and be overwhelmed with gratitude, it gave me this thought of, how lovely these memories would be, when i looked back on them, this beautiful time in my life, when things were so good in so many ways. that was such a healing relationship for me. indirectly, he's really the reason i ever met my husband. he brought me out of the darkness of my traumatic upbringing and showed me a different way to exist.
k back to work. finish laundry and housework, get out these orders, replenish some supplements, groceries might have to wait until later but that's fine, we have plenty of food for the moment.
haven't made any Wednesday videos yet but it's on the docket. I really want to tackle that soon, maybe this weekend (since I'm working all day tomorrow and always need a lot of recovery after long sparkle days).
really should do some cardio today but meh - maybe the floors will be cardio enough lol.
...
last night at flow night at Jaja, josh and i had a lot of fun playing on silks and spinning poi, before running into Mariano and Jodie and Josh got to meet Patrick, who is the owner of the Costa Rica flying trapeze school that Josh booked a trip to over christmas. Patrick asked if I am a flyer and I said no, I only did flying trapeze once in Santa Monica. "I built that school," he said, his bright blue eyes sparkling. I told him that I had a pretty profound spiritual experience there because my flyer was female and seeing this little angelic face flying toward me to pluck me out of the california sky was ::nonverbal gasps::
"Was it Lala?"
"It was Lala! How did you know?" I grinned.
He nodded, knowingly, his eyes sparkling. "Because... that little angelic face."
:))))))
there is a warm breeze coming through my bedroom window, right next to my desk here. like pure bliss in air form. soft caresses on my skin, the absolute perfect temperature.
taking a moment to breathe and delight in this beautiful moment, before i get back to work.
been having a gentle self-care day at home. it comes with spikes of guilt for not being "productive" or self-sacrificing. what i try to tell myself, for instance, while enjoying a much needed long, hot shower after denying myself one for so many days, is that i am allowed to redirect my rescue impulse toward myself. there are others in my life i want to dump my resources into, because they are struggling. but, i was struggling so painfully for so long, that this healing period of my life is extremely important and worth my time and energy.
just really gently trying to ease into the idea that i am worth giving my own time and energy to.
been listening to a new audiobook and just hit a chapter on disloyalty and misinformation, it's a doozy, but i think, very important, too. i'm glad i picked up this little gem. I have found a few really interesting books via the Hidden Brain podcast/show via NPR.
cooked for josh, cleaned some (still lots to do), made myself a really beautiful healthy meal. fresh chives this time of year are a delight.
my foot has been twingy so i'm taking a break from PT exercises today, still planning to dance tonight. still planning to see finley in a couple hours. still enjoying the bird feeder.
i feel torn, i want to see The Midnight in that really beautiful venue east of Seattle in September, but I have a lookout tower reserved for that weekend. The tower might get smoked out, but the concert might also sell out (or get smoked out). i could cancel the lookout but it would be a lot harder to sell concert tickets if needed. i have the lookout tower two other times but those also could not work out for various reasons, agh, such good problems to have.
i just can see the potential for that show to be the most magical thing.
i feel so delicate and tiny, in this world, like we all are, such fragile little things.
the Look Again book is about "making life re-sparkle," hence the moment to stop and contemplate the magic in this moment. i am feeling exceptionally lucky and happy and want to appreciate it fully and soak it in.
it reminds me of those moments in boston, living with John, who i was so madly and completely in love with, how much i loved that apartment we shared and my life with him, and how i would lie and gaze out the windows and just marvel at the beauty of it all, and be overwhelmed with gratitude, it gave me this thought of, how lovely these memories would be, when i looked back on them, this beautiful time in my life, when things were so good in so many ways. that was such a healing relationship for me. indirectly, he's really the reason i ever met my husband. he brought me out of the darkness of my traumatic upbringing and showed me a different way to exist.
k back to work. finish laundry and housework, get out these orders, replenish some supplements, groceries might have to wait until later but that's fine, we have plenty of food for the moment.
haven't made any Wednesday videos yet but it's on the docket. I really want to tackle that soon, maybe this weekend (since I'm working all day tomorrow and always need a lot of recovery after long sparkle days).
really should do some cardio today but meh - maybe the floors will be cardio enough lol.
...
last night at flow night at Jaja, josh and i had a lot of fun playing on silks and spinning poi, before running into Mariano and Jodie and Josh got to meet Patrick, who is the owner of the Costa Rica flying trapeze school that Josh booked a trip to over christmas. Patrick asked if I am a flyer and I said no, I only did flying trapeze once in Santa Monica. "I built that school," he said, his bright blue eyes sparkling. I told him that I had a pretty profound spiritual experience there because my flyer was female and seeing this little angelic face flying toward me to pluck me out of the california sky was ::nonverbal gasps::
"Was it Lala?"
"It was Lala! How did you know?" I grinned.
He nodded, knowingly, his eyes sparkling. "Because... that little angelic face."
:))))))
