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the public version
Mar. 24th, 2025 05:36 pmStarting to pull out of the most recent major depressive episode, still a tough hill to climb but feeling slightly better. Starting to feel like being with people might be pleasant.
Still in a lot of physical pain due to arthritis from abnormal joints, compounding on one another and suddenly with menopause hitting an exponential rate of deterioration, realizing pain and incremental debilitation will just have to be a part of my aging process. I will have to adjust my expectations of what I want my body to be able to do, vs what it can actually do. But the intensity of the inflammation and pain has gone down a bit. I look around at my girlfriends who are my age (I turn 50 in May) and see that their finger joints are also swollen and they are dealing with multiple health issues - they just don't talk about it.
Mood is a little less dark, the heaviness has lifted a bit.
Not out of the woods yet.
(Really should be back *in* the woods if I want to get better, ha.)
So grateful to have a loving and patient husband through all of this. And gentle customers and joyful sparkling work.
Had a fun Friday night dinner date with Cynthia and Derrick at their house. Played rummikub. I love that game. (I've been making Josh teach me gin rummy also. And we even played a couple hands of 21. I've been terrified of card games so this is all very exciting for me, that I can do this without extreme confusion/mental paralysis and anxiety.)
Had an early Saturday morning bike ride to Bison Coffeehouse, got there before 8am (I had so much energy from over-eating at the party, I usually go to bed vaguely hungry and wake up dragging), brought my sewing and my damaged hat and fixed it.
Steamy coffeeeeeeeeeeeee
(hat pom re-attached)
Not five minutes after donning it did someone exclaim in passing, "I love your hat!" Me too :)
Did a sort of all day bike tour of coffee shops with Josh after silks that day. Sunday I worked and we made dinner together and went dancing at Coffin, since my DJ was filling in randomly for an early set. So lucky!
Werkin'
At the clerb
We finished the night with viewing a Clozee live concert from the comfort of Josh's bed.
Really nice restorative weekend.
..
Today was super productive, I think because of all the rest and relaxation and recharging and reconnecting over the weekend. It's nearly 9pm, time to unwind and doodle until bedtime with my Titania tea. It has so many beautiful ingredients, this blend, but whenever a blend includes chamomile, all I can taste is chamomile. Right now, I'm okay with that. Somewhere I will just know that there is also licorice root and spearmint and rooibos and orange pieces and elderflower in there, buried under the tranquilizer flowers lol.
Still in a lot of physical pain due to arthritis from abnormal joints, compounding on one another and suddenly with menopause hitting an exponential rate of deterioration, realizing pain and incremental debilitation will just have to be a part of my aging process. I will have to adjust my expectations of what I want my body to be able to do, vs what it can actually do. But the intensity of the inflammation and pain has gone down a bit. I look around at my girlfriends who are my age (I turn 50 in May) and see that their finger joints are also swollen and they are dealing with multiple health issues - they just don't talk about it.
Mood is a little less dark, the heaviness has lifted a bit.
Not out of the woods yet.
(Really should be back *in* the woods if I want to get better, ha.)
So grateful to have a loving and patient husband through all of this. And gentle customers and joyful sparkling work.
Had a fun Friday night dinner date with Cynthia and Derrick at their house. Played rummikub. I love that game. (I've been making Josh teach me gin rummy also. And we even played a couple hands of 21. I've been terrified of card games so this is all very exciting for me, that I can do this without extreme confusion/mental paralysis and anxiety.)
Had an early Saturday morning bike ride to Bison Coffeehouse, got there before 8am (I had so much energy from over-eating at the party, I usually go to bed vaguely hungry and wake up dragging), brought my sewing and my damaged hat and fixed it.
Steamy coffeeeeeeeeeeeee
(hat pom re-attached)
Not five minutes after donning it did someone exclaim in passing, "I love your hat!" Me too :)
Did a sort of all day bike tour of coffee shops with Josh after silks that day. Sunday I worked and we made dinner together and went dancing at Coffin, since my DJ was filling in randomly for an early set. So lucky!
Werkin'
At the clerb
We finished the night with viewing a Clozee live concert from the comfort of Josh's bed.
Really nice restorative weekend.
..
Today was super productive, I think because of all the rest and relaxation and recharging and reconnecting over the weekend. It's nearly 9pm, time to unwind and doodle until bedtime with my Titania tea. It has so many beautiful ingredients, this blend, but whenever a blend includes chamomile, all I can taste is chamomile. Right now, I'm okay with that. Somewhere I will just know that there is also licorice root and spearmint and rooibos and orange pieces and elderflower in there, buried under the tranquilizer flowers lol.
