things look brighter in the daytime.

See this is why I wait until the next day to fix things. I did some more digging into my website issue and while it is still thoroughly broken and I will have to call them as the site does not allow me in to fix it, it is only one item that is effected, currently, not the dire situation I was catastrophizing last night. It does still bother me that this keeps happening and I may still work on building a new online store today.

The sun is out and my cat got a good play session this morning. I had my first sex dream in forEVER last night, that's hopeful, lol.

Lots to try to get done today, the sun is making it blatantly obvious that I have gone too long without sweeping, and I need to make lunch for Josh, and box up some orders. Everything else is fine though, things will come together, it's okay. I might ride my bike to my studio, to take advantage of the sunshine :)

The eaglets are okay, it is still cold and rainy but if little Gizmo can make it one more day, they'll be fine. They've been really lucky with the weather so far. Odds are not on their side but I am still hopeful, it seems like things have gone exceptionally well, and now that Jackie and Shadow are more seasoned parents, I think the chances might be better for success. I watched Jackie carefully aerate the nest over the last few days, and add fluff to help with insulation for warmth. She knew the weather would turn. She's a good mom :)

Edited to add: omg I just went and checked on the eagles and it looks like little Sunny, the bigger of the two chicks who has more mature waterproof feathers, is spreading their wings over little Gizmo in the rain?!?!?!? almost like, I remember what happened to my sibling Misty in a storm and I'm not gunna let that happen to you. omg my heart. Jackie has not left their sides.

Watch on YouTube

fairy protection and guidance.

In the middle of assembling orders and need to head out soon, Josh is fed, just wanted to vent a little, that one of the things my mom and grandma also have in common is the sentiment that their high school years were their most beloved. The reason I feel resentful and jealous over this is because my mom pulled me out of school altogether and home-schooled me, so I never even had a chance to have high school years in the same way. I did go back, eventually, after a series of fights with my mom at age 16, enduring a slew of insults and threats and "you'll regret it and come running back" type admonishments in order to go, but I did get a year and a half, it was just very unconventional since I wasn't pursuing graduation (that requires four years and I had already earned my GED) and had to pretend I was attending against my will like everyone else in order to attempt to single-handedly scrape together some semblance of a "normal" adolescence.

I wonder what my dad's high school years were like. I wish I could ask.

(So many endless things I wish I could ask my deceased parents. Their lives were too hard, they left me far too early. I was 26 when I lost my dad. Although to be fair, he was barely around to begin with.)

:(

As my mom's dementia increased in severity, high school and early childhood became the only things she really could remember or talk about. Before she lost her ability to talk about much of anything at all. Poor mom.

I am grateful that my 40s were so lovely, though. Perhaps a result of foregoing having children.

I'm still in a lot of pain today, glad I skipped dancing last night, not sure if I want to ride my bike or just walk in the sunshine today. Maybe just a walk. My foot is still vaguely painful but seems to be leveling out in severity.

Grateful for the sunshine and the happy marriage, so grateful. I was just listening to some fairy lore about virgins finding four leafed clovers being blessed by the faeries to have a happy marriage, and I feel that this resonates very strongly with me. The ritual was much more involved in that, but I think perhaps mine was close enough. I have no business having a happy marriage, given trauma, my family history, and such poor modeling of purely unhealthy relationships. This feels like pure magic, to me.

Josh and I will do karaoke together at home tonight since Sunday is all messed up by Easter lol. So looking forward to it. Mostly for how happy it makes Josh to sing.