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Today was really nice. Tuesdays are my Saturday. I try to use them to relax and catch up on chores, but I failed in that category today, oops. Hoping I'll have time this weekend due to the forced vacation. I do still want to henna my hair in the morning, I'll get up early and do that, and sweeping would be wonderful too, and cleaning the kitchen. Tyler wants to hike Dog so we'll see if I can get that all done before 11am ha - maybe two of the three?
Today I did some very timid silxing, and lots of PT at the gym, I think I want to buy a hula hoop? Doing it gave me heart palpitations today which was frankly a bit scary, it's only the second time I've ever felt them - the first was after swimming way too hard, about a year ago? It's another super fun perimenopause symptom, wheeeee. The hula hoop is not very strenuous so I'm not sure why it triggered that.
I considered paddle boarding but decided I didn't want to drive all the way to the mountain, so I elected to do a bike ride instead. It took a lot of prep and procrastination to get out the door, only to realize I had a flat.
So, I decided to go soaking instead.
I was the only one there! It was utter blissssssssssssssss. Really nice consolation prize.
The sun was hot but I was in the shade. The warm water was soothing. The sky was so blue. I soaked in the sun on the bench for a bit, took a couple cool misty showers, saved a ladybug and a large wasp from the water - unsure if the wasp was paper or dirt dauber but it was beautiful. I love wasps. (It helps that I've never been stung by any, save yellowjackets, whom I respect but do not have affection for lol.) A honey bee buzzed me - they are always hanging around the pool, as they attracted to the salts in the water. I felt its wings blow on the hairs on my skin but it chose not to land on me. I said hello gently. I love bees. I've been stung by honey bees but it was never their fault.
Once I was home and fed and rested, I realized I could easily put my bike in Josh's car and go get my tire fixed. And that I should do so asap, since biking is my easiest form of cardio since I can't run anymore and hiking mountains takes so much time, I can only do it once a week. So I did that. Super easy, the bike shop Josh took me to recently, Metropolis, is really nice. They helped me quickly and easily for barely anything and fixed my brakes, too. Bikes are wonderful. Bike shops are magic.
Picked up some groceries on the way home and filled Josh's tank, and then decided to do an evening bike ride up to rocky butte.
It was blisssssssssssssssssss. Cooler as I didn't start riding until 7:30pm. On the way home I got to watch the overheated clouds turn from whipped cream texture to colorful cotton candy.
Tyler alerted me to the moon rise, via text, after I got home.
I finished my veggies from yesterday with an avocado and rosemary gifted from our neighbors who just left for Europe - I am charged with watering their plants. And eating their herbs and avocados.
Watched the 2nd pirates movie with Avalanche, after my bike ride, while indulging in forbidden peanut butter with blackberries again. I forgot how silly that one was. I mean, they're all very silly. But the level of silliness steadily increases with each movie. Until On Stranger Tides honestly, I think that movie holds up the best of the sequels. Maybe I am just partial to feisty mermaids.
I like this one because Jack and Lizzie kiss in it. Only whilst trying to deceive one another. But still. Fun to watch. I like Johnny Depp, still; idc if he doesn't know how to adult in relationships with supermodels. It's not his fault society conditions us these ways. I wish he'd gotten the emotional support he needed when he was young. But I'm still grateful for his art, eternally.
A scary looking person at the gas station asked me for a dollar while digging through trash and cursing to himself, and then when I declined, called me a series of expletives and said he hoped I got in a car accident. In the past, something like that might have bothered me for a long time. I am so conditioned to our city being like this that I only felt a pang of pity and confirmation that I made the right choice saying no, that it is okay to not help people who seem threatening. I was alone and no one else was within eyesight, I did not want to get any closer to this person than I already was.
I try not to let them bleed me, but I do give handouts on occasion, when it feels right. That one didn't.
Collision. Most collisions are preventable. The term "accident" is a misnomer. They are not natural disasters. They are human-caused.
It's 1am whoops! I'm not used to watching movies ha. It's still very warm, but tomorrow will be cooler. I am so glad Tyler wants to hike with me. I'm happy on the mountain alone, but much happier with him.
I still have a week left to go without Josh! He's been messaging a lot. He's having fun, I am so glad. I am hanging in there.
Those of us with cPTSD have chronic nightmares, but the last two nights I've had really happy dreams. Filled with friends and love and laughter and exuberant joy. I wonder what that's about. More, please.
Today I did some very timid silxing, and lots of PT at the gym, I think I want to buy a hula hoop? Doing it gave me heart palpitations today which was frankly a bit scary, it's only the second time I've ever felt them - the first was after swimming way too hard, about a year ago? It's another super fun perimenopause symptom, wheeeee. The hula hoop is not very strenuous so I'm not sure why it triggered that.
I considered paddle boarding but decided I didn't want to drive all the way to the mountain, so I elected to do a bike ride instead. It took a lot of prep and procrastination to get out the door, only to realize I had a flat.
So, I decided to go soaking instead.
I was the only one there! It was utter blissssssssssssssss. Really nice consolation prize.
The sun was hot but I was in the shade. The warm water was soothing. The sky was so blue. I soaked in the sun on the bench for a bit, took a couple cool misty showers, saved a ladybug and a large wasp from the water - unsure if the wasp was paper or dirt dauber but it was beautiful. I love wasps. (It helps that I've never been stung by any, save yellowjackets, whom I respect but do not have affection for lol.) A honey bee buzzed me - they are always hanging around the pool, as they attracted to the salts in the water. I felt its wings blow on the hairs on my skin but it chose not to land on me. I said hello gently. I love bees. I've been stung by honey bees but it was never their fault.
Once I was home and fed and rested, I realized I could easily put my bike in Josh's car and go get my tire fixed. And that I should do so asap, since biking is my easiest form of cardio since I can't run anymore and hiking mountains takes so much time, I can only do it once a week. So I did that. Super easy, the bike shop Josh took me to recently, Metropolis, is really nice. They helped me quickly and easily for barely anything and fixed my brakes, too. Bikes are wonderful. Bike shops are magic.
Picked up some groceries on the way home and filled Josh's tank, and then decided to do an evening bike ride up to rocky butte.
It was blisssssssssssssssssss. Cooler as I didn't start riding until 7:30pm. On the way home I got to watch the overheated clouds turn from whipped cream texture to colorful cotton candy.
Tyler alerted me to the moon rise, via text, after I got home.
I finished my veggies from yesterday with an avocado and rosemary gifted from our neighbors who just left for Europe - I am charged with watering their plants. And eating their herbs and avocados.
Watched the 2nd pirates movie with Avalanche, after my bike ride, while indulging in forbidden peanut butter with blackberries again. I forgot how silly that one was. I mean, they're all very silly. But the level of silliness steadily increases with each movie. Until On Stranger Tides honestly, I think that movie holds up the best of the sequels. Maybe I am just partial to feisty mermaids.
I like this one because Jack and Lizzie kiss in it. Only whilst trying to deceive one another. But still. Fun to watch. I like Johnny Depp, still; idc if he doesn't know how to adult in relationships with supermodels. It's not his fault society conditions us these ways. I wish he'd gotten the emotional support he needed when he was young. But I'm still grateful for his art, eternally.
A scary looking person at the gas station asked me for a dollar while digging through trash and cursing to himself, and then when I declined, called me a series of expletives and said he hoped I got in a car accident. In the past, something like that might have bothered me for a long time. I am so conditioned to our city being like this that I only felt a pang of pity and confirmation that I made the right choice saying no, that it is okay to not help people who seem threatening. I was alone and no one else was within eyesight, I did not want to get any closer to this person than I already was.
I try not to let them bleed me, but I do give handouts on occasion, when it feels right. That one didn't.
Collision. Most collisions are preventable. The term "accident" is a misnomer. They are not natural disasters. They are human-caused.
It's 1am whoops! I'm not used to watching movies ha. It's still very warm, but tomorrow will be cooler. I am so glad Tyler wants to hike with me. I'm happy on the mountain alone, but much happier with him.
I still have a week left to go without Josh! He's been messaging a lot. He's having fun, I am so glad. I am hanging in there.
Those of us with cPTSD have chronic nightmares, but the last two nights I've had really happy dreams. Filled with friends and love and laughter and exuberant joy. I wonder what that's about. More, please.
