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mild recovery.
Dec. 9th, 2025 09:05 amfeeling a lot a lot better, today. so much of depression feels so mysterious to me and totally out of my control. i noticed before i started to feel better subjectively/experientially, that i was starting to be able to take my vitamins and brush my teeth again, this is always a good sign that it's starting to dissipate.
josh so desperately wants to know what causes these corrections, i wish i had an answer for him. i apologized for putting him through that, though he generously observes that it's worse for me than it is for him. it's just so hard not knowing if/when it will stop, when i get like that. for him. for me it feels permanent, my perspective gets so skewed. "this too shall pass" does repeat in my head but along with "and then it will return because this is the truth of who i really am and how i really feel." depression really does feel that way. it feels like the truest thing. even now when i'm not in it, i acknowledge this and don't disagree with this depressed-me assessment.
going to try to go to silks. there's so much i want to do on my days off, my head is swimming. i want to put nails up for stockings and clean the garage cabinet, set up my room more, do more decorating, VACUUM. BAKE.
but first i have orders to get out, and i might want to exchange a sweater as i found a better size in a different store last night, i can do that before silks if i get out the door soon enough. (goodwill thrifted sweaters, two sizes at two different stores of the same gold and beige knit turtleneck.)
need to bring snacks and drinks to silks. need to make a lil grocery list. maybe pick up a stool or two from target on the way home, for the kitchen. off i go. will catch up on journals later.
tyler got me a tree.
my arm where the "vascular team" guy mangled me failing to get a vein for the mri contrast is an eerie shade of green and purple.
i am so relieved that the mri came back clear.
it's nonstop raining but not too cold. we have flooding watches in effect through tomorrow. it's fine, it rains here, we're used to it.
josh so desperately wants to know what causes these corrections, i wish i had an answer for him. i apologized for putting him through that, though he generously observes that it's worse for me than it is for him. it's just so hard not knowing if/when it will stop, when i get like that. for him. for me it feels permanent, my perspective gets so skewed. "this too shall pass" does repeat in my head but along with "and then it will return because this is the truth of who i really am and how i really feel." depression really does feel that way. it feels like the truest thing. even now when i'm not in it, i acknowledge this and don't disagree with this depressed-me assessment.
going to try to go to silks. there's so much i want to do on my days off, my head is swimming. i want to put nails up for stockings and clean the garage cabinet, set up my room more, do more decorating, VACUUM. BAKE.
but first i have orders to get out, and i might want to exchange a sweater as i found a better size in a different store last night, i can do that before silks if i get out the door soon enough. (goodwill thrifted sweaters, two sizes at two different stores of the same gold and beige knit turtleneck.)
need to bring snacks and drinks to silks. need to make a lil grocery list. maybe pick up a stool or two from target on the way home, for the kitchen. off i go. will catch up on journals later.
tyler got me a tree.
my arm where the "vascular team" guy mangled me failing to get a vein for the mri contrast is an eerie shade of green and purple.
i am so relieved that the mri came back clear.
it's nonstop raining but not too cold. we have flooding watches in effect through tomorrow. it's fine, it rains here, we're used to it.
