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Yesterday after writing, I slept for way too long, but, it felt really good. Avalanche stayed with me, and Josh even came and snuggled with us for a little bit.
Avi let me trim all ten of her front claws in one sitting. Unheard of.
When I got up, I still wasn't feeling great, but kept going with chores - laundry (cold loads I've been putting off since it takes sooooo long to dry and sometimes needs double washes), cooking - made Josh a gazillion burritos for the week. Cleaned the kitchen, and once Josh left for climbing with his friends at the gym, I took everything up off the floor and vacuumed the whole house. It feels almost like moving, how much stuff I have to shuffle around, but I felt soooooo much better when I was done. Swept, did the bathrooms, cleaned the litter pans and a bunch of other pet care, tidied my room/office a bit even (although this mostly involved dumping everything into my closet but I'll keep going, it has to go in stages like this), took out the trash, etc. etc. I finally stopped and cracked open a non-alcoholic beer and listened to some of a book until Josh got home.
It was funny, at the end of each chore part of my brain was like, that's enough, and I had to confront it and ask, why not keep going? Let's do one more thing. It was really nice to finally get housework done, to actually use the time off I set aside for this, for once. I got pretty much everything on my list done or at least started, and then some.
It felt slow and forced but not so molassesy as before. I still don't feel like myself but I will keep pushing, keep holding out hope for brightness and happiness and a lifted mood and spirit.
Sooooooo many nightmares. My mom has been showing up every night. I keep avoiding my grief meditations, I am afraid of them, I will try to do one in earnest, today. It is nice out for a moment, I have henna in my hair, I will do that bike ride I did yesterday x2 and hopefully stop at the park at the top and actually meditate this time.
...
Today and tomorrow are for getting the studio cleaned out so they can paint, dreading the work but gotta get done. I'd like to have everything out by tomorrow. We'll see how far I can get. I think I should pack myself a dinner so I can stay late if energy allows. I should bring my laptop and also use the time to work on taxes at a cafe if I need a break, today and tomorrow. I have Thurs/Fri set aside for taxes proper, it'd be nice to get the studio cleaned out by then.
...
Super nervous about finding a new cat-sitter for Avalanche. I've asked the neighbor girls to look after her for one night next week, but I don't feel comfortable leaving her care to kids for four days. I need to establish care at a local vet, too. If I do that maybe they might have resources. I should ask fb also, it just sucks that we're so far away from everyone out here, now. I do have one acquaintance in the area who might be game.
I bought a collar for her but now I can't find it, gr. I want to get her used to it so that I can try to get an air tag on her. If she ever escapes she has no ID at the moment, aside from her microchip - that worries me.
Maybe I can grab another collar on the way home today, I need to pick up more food for her.
...
Also need to start getting quotes for central air conditioning installation. 3 quotes at a minimum.
And I never got the gutters cleaned, still need to do that.
...
Avi just did the toe bean stretch at me, lol. Sooooooo cute.
...
Still struggling a little feeling a lot better today, hopefully it holds. I had one of the burritos I made last night after doing all the housework, it was so tasty, it felt really indulgent and nice. Flour tortilla, refried beans, purple cabbage, carrot, salsa, cheese. Nom. I don't usually eat that many carbs in a sitting. It was warm and comforting. Burritos are like a hug in the form of food.
Was also finally able to take all of my vitamins last night, and do my PT, hopeful I can use this as a bit of a reset and get back on track with those things.
...
It's cold and wet but there's a break in the rain, we've been getting rainbows, it's been nice. The sky was bright for a bit but it's darkening again. I should still be okay for my bike ride before the rain restarts later this afternoon. I can ride with hair dye on, good use of time, I'll rinse it out and shower when I get back, it'll feel nice. I don't need a helmet on this ride, it's quiet residential streets, we're really lucky to have the hill to ride on for exercise, and the little park at the top is helpful. Very grateful. We're getting used to the area and finding things about it that we like. There is no limit to how many chickens one can have in Tigard, so we say hi to a big flock on our way on this ride, there is a house with a goose and goats, also. :)
Avi let me trim all ten of her front claws in one sitting. Unheard of.
When I got up, I still wasn't feeling great, but kept going with chores - laundry (cold loads I've been putting off since it takes sooooo long to dry and sometimes needs double washes), cooking - made Josh a gazillion burritos for the week. Cleaned the kitchen, and once Josh left for climbing with his friends at the gym, I took everything up off the floor and vacuumed the whole house. It feels almost like moving, how much stuff I have to shuffle around, but I felt soooooo much better when I was done. Swept, did the bathrooms, cleaned the litter pans and a bunch of other pet care, tidied my room/office a bit even (although this mostly involved dumping everything into my closet but I'll keep going, it has to go in stages like this), took out the trash, etc. etc. I finally stopped and cracked open a non-alcoholic beer and listened to some of a book until Josh got home.
It was funny, at the end of each chore part of my brain was like, that's enough, and I had to confront it and ask, why not keep going? Let's do one more thing. It was really nice to finally get housework done, to actually use the time off I set aside for this, for once. I got pretty much everything on my list done or at least started, and then some.
It felt slow and forced but not so molassesy as before. I still don't feel like myself but I will keep pushing, keep holding out hope for brightness and happiness and a lifted mood and spirit.
Sooooooo many nightmares. My mom has been showing up every night. I keep avoiding my grief meditations, I am afraid of them, I will try to do one in earnest, today. It is nice out for a moment, I have henna in my hair, I will do that bike ride I did yesterday x2 and hopefully stop at the park at the top and actually meditate this time.
...
Today and tomorrow are for getting the studio cleaned out so they can paint, dreading the work but gotta get done. I'd like to have everything out by tomorrow. We'll see how far I can get. I think I should pack myself a dinner so I can stay late if energy allows. I should bring my laptop and also use the time to work on taxes at a cafe if I need a break, today and tomorrow. I have Thurs/Fri set aside for taxes proper, it'd be nice to get the studio cleaned out by then.
...
Super nervous about finding a new cat-sitter for Avalanche. I've asked the neighbor girls to look after her for one night next week, but I don't feel comfortable leaving her care to kids for four days. I need to establish care at a local vet, too. If I do that maybe they might have resources. I should ask fb also, it just sucks that we're so far away from everyone out here, now. I do have one acquaintance in the area who might be game.
I bought a collar for her but now I can't find it, gr. I want to get her used to it so that I can try to get an air tag on her. If she ever escapes she has no ID at the moment, aside from her microchip - that worries me.
Maybe I can grab another collar on the way home today, I need to pick up more food for her.
...
Also need to start getting quotes for central air conditioning installation. 3 quotes at a minimum.
And I never got the gutters cleaned, still need to do that.
...
Avi just did the toe bean stretch at me, lol. Sooooooo cute.
...
Still struggling a little feeling a lot better today, hopefully it holds. I had one of the burritos I made last night after doing all the housework, it was so tasty, it felt really indulgent and nice. Flour tortilla, refried beans, purple cabbage, carrot, salsa, cheese. Nom. I don't usually eat that many carbs in a sitting. It was warm and comforting. Burritos are like a hug in the form of food.
Was also finally able to take all of my vitamins last night, and do my PT, hopeful I can use this as a bit of a reset and get back on track with those things.
...
It's cold and wet but there's a break in the rain, we've been getting rainbows, it's been nice. The sky was bright for a bit but it's darkening again. I should still be okay for my bike ride before the rain restarts later this afternoon. I can ride with hair dye on, good use of time, I'll rinse it out and shower when I get back, it'll feel nice. I don't need a helmet on this ride, it's quiet residential streets, we're really lucky to have the hill to ride on for exercise, and the little park at the top is helpful. Very grateful. We're getting used to the area and finding things about it that we like. There is no limit to how many chickens one can have in Tigard, so we say hi to a big flock on our way on this ride, there is a house with a goose and goats, also. :)
