love is love.
Jul. 23rd, 2023 05:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafaeryI foolishly met up with my brother today, he's been pestering me to hang out, I've been trying so hard to politely avoid him since our last really unpleasant visit. I hate having to smile and nod and pretend that I'm okay with the horrific and confusing and mind-bogglingly nonsensical things that come out of his mouth. I am so tired of fawning around him. I need deep psychological work around this relationship and I just don't know the first thing about how to go about healing regarding someone who, in my opinion, is so profoundly ill.
I looked at my heartrate on my biotracker ring after our visit. It was spiking at 140bpm. While we were sitting and talking casually.
That's the same as when I am running. hard.
This is how frightening it is for me to be around someone from whom I've suffered so much emotional abuse.
It is scary to realize how much stress his presence creates for me, not just in my mind, but also in my body.
My nephew on the step side of the family (the only living family I have left aside from my brother and some distant cousins that I haven't met or encountered in well over 20 years), who changed his name to his middle name (Gene) last year and has been growing his hair very long, this morning posted photos of himself on social media in a skirt for the first time. I am over the moon about this, even while i know his family won't know the first thing about how to go about handling it. They adore him, he is adorable. But if we start having to use new pronouns, there will be an interesting learning curve to witness. I hope it all goes well and that people learn from it.
Love is love is love.
I looked at my heartrate on my biotracker ring after our visit. It was spiking at 140bpm. While we were sitting and talking casually.
That's the same as when I am running. hard.
This is how frightening it is for me to be around someone from whom I've suffered so much emotional abuse.
It is scary to realize how much stress his presence creates for me, not just in my mind, but also in my body.
My nephew on the step side of the family (the only living family I have left aside from my brother and some distant cousins that I haven't met or encountered in well over 20 years), who changed his name to his middle name (Gene) last year and has been growing his hair very long, this morning posted photos of himself on social media in a skirt for the first time. I am over the moon about this, even while i know his family won't know the first thing about how to go about handling it. They adore him, he is adorable. But if we start having to use new pronouns, there will be an interesting learning curve to witness. I hope it all goes well and that people learn from it.
Love is love is love.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-24 01:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-26 06:31 am (UTC)Glad your nephew is exploring their identity.