anxious monday morning.
Jun. 30th, 2025 08:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafaeryfeeling a bit better today. whatever physical/chemical ailment that was causing that intense emotional discomfort has seemed to ease off a bit. it's not gone. i don't think i've felt it totally leave for more than a fleeting moment here or there in a couple of years, at least it seems that way. that hot tight ball of discomfort is still there in the center of my body, but it's less intense, today.
dragged my husband up a beloved trail yesterday. i was giddy from the get-go. trails just make me happy. i was miserable in the morning, Avalanche was sneezing so I finally swept the floors, despite the terrible timing, and have never seen so much dust and fur. Josh actively gets in the way of this chore but I just pushed through this time, I can't leave Avalanche in a dirty apartment like that. Or us. I felt much better when that was done.
I got my beargrass fix on Silver Star mountain. I'll post pics later.
We got a late start on a hot day but I was happy anyway. Josh ended up pretty melted, but I fed him lunch at the top, and on the way home we saw a girl on a street corner with one of those fabulous fruit carts that are all over the place in Venice Beach, so we got one of those and it was heavenly and perked him up quite a bit. We also got ice cream and n/a beer and n/a wine and drinks on the way home so I will never lose this stubborn extra 7lbs but oh well lol.
Need to try to get some office work done before I leave and I have not much time, I am nervous about seeing a new Ob/Gyn tomorrow and hope at least I'll have someone I can consistently get hormones from who won't argue with me about it.
Pondering chelation surgery and running. I miss it so. It's the only thing that stabilized my mood consistently. Not sure if cutting into my body is the right way to go. The last surgeon I talked to about it told me to just do whatever I want and when it's bad enough I can get the joint fused. But it feels bad enough now. I don't want to hobble myself at age 50. I hate that I can't even do push-ups without shoes on, it hurts my toes too much with the bone spurs in them. I'm down to only 10 push-ups after having 30 last year. But. I so desperately want to run. I am so miserable without it. It's been almost two and a half years and I have not found a way to deal with not being able to run, yet. I keep trying things but nothing is the same, or there are barriers that I can't seem to overcome. Maybe I just haven't found the right alternative, yet.
...
On Silver Star, we saw a pika! I've heard them many many times while hiking in rocky areas, including on our way up this trail yesterday, but this is the first time I actually laid eyes on one - they are pretty shy. It was the cutest aaaaaagh! They are related to rabbits. Josh spotted it before I did, on our way down.
(We did not get a photo, but this was taken in the same general area, this is what they look like, squeeeeeeee! They live in rocks and make funny little nests full of plant fluff and they make a cute little Pi! barking/squeaking like sound.)
BBC Earth did a silly little profile of them years ago:
dragged my husband up a beloved trail yesterday. i was giddy from the get-go. trails just make me happy. i was miserable in the morning, Avalanche was sneezing so I finally swept the floors, despite the terrible timing, and have never seen so much dust and fur. Josh actively gets in the way of this chore but I just pushed through this time, I can't leave Avalanche in a dirty apartment like that. Or us. I felt much better when that was done.
I got my beargrass fix on Silver Star mountain. I'll post pics later.
We got a late start on a hot day but I was happy anyway. Josh ended up pretty melted, but I fed him lunch at the top, and on the way home we saw a girl on a street corner with one of those fabulous fruit carts that are all over the place in Venice Beach, so we got one of those and it was heavenly and perked him up quite a bit. We also got ice cream and n/a beer and n/a wine and drinks on the way home so I will never lose this stubborn extra 7lbs but oh well lol.
Need to try to get some office work done before I leave and I have not much time, I am nervous about seeing a new Ob/Gyn tomorrow and hope at least I'll have someone I can consistently get hormones from who won't argue with me about it.
Pondering chelation surgery and running. I miss it so. It's the only thing that stabilized my mood consistently. Not sure if cutting into my body is the right way to go. The last surgeon I talked to about it told me to just do whatever I want and when it's bad enough I can get the joint fused. But it feels bad enough now. I don't want to hobble myself at age 50. I hate that I can't even do push-ups without shoes on, it hurts my toes too much with the bone spurs in them. I'm down to only 10 push-ups after having 30 last year. But. I so desperately want to run. I am so miserable without it. It's been almost two and a half years and I have not found a way to deal with not being able to run, yet. I keep trying things but nothing is the same, or there are barriers that I can't seem to overcome. Maybe I just haven't found the right alternative, yet.
...
On Silver Star, we saw a pika! I've heard them many many times while hiking in rocky areas, including on our way up this trail yesterday, but this is the first time I actually laid eyes on one - they are pretty shy. It was the cutest aaaaaagh! They are related to rabbits. Josh spotted it before I did, on our way down.
(We did not get a photo, but this was taken in the same general area, this is what they look like, squeeeeeeee! They live in rocks and make funny little nests full of plant fluff and they make a cute little Pi! barking/squeaking like sound.)
BBC Earth did a silly little profile of them years ago:
