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serafaeryooof, hit such a wall after dropping off josh at the airport, silks, and rushing out an order for a customer.
allll i want is chips and cookies and crackers, whoops.
super tired.
it's dark and rainy and I am just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
it's okay. I might snuggle up with a hoarding video and call it a day. I am still pretty tired from the mountain yesterday. I was going to do research at the library but now that it's the day I set aside for that, it sounds like the very last thing I want to do. I might just do that here. Or maybe take my laptop with me to work/dr appt tomorrow and go somewhere after my appt. so not looking forward to that. I don't know how it's going to go anything but poorly. I hate looking at my breast right now or thinking about it or dealing with it in any way.
three of my customers are undergoing chemo at the moment. there is lots to be grateful for.
but i can't help thinking, when i feel like this. what is it all for.
i miss my mom so much, been a bit weepy today. i asked my fb group for my self-care app if someone could send me an arctic fox micropet (a pet for my pet, basically), it reminds me of mom because she had this marble or stone white arctic fox sculpture on her kitchen counter for the last 10-15 or so years of her life before she lost the house. it was a gift from her realtor, if i remember right, for one of her far-too-many refinancing transactions, and she would pet the fox all of the time, she had it mounted on the counter so it couldn't move or fall. it was curled up asleep and really quite darling.
I've been dreaming up magnificent wearable character costumes for the fairy festival but they are things i would probably never wear at this point. i wanted to dress up and create and bestow costume magic at events when i was younger but i sort of want to stay more hidden, these days, to have a more gentle experience and instead enjoy others' costumes. lately it's a thing for people to walk around under a giant flower sculpture that they carry. pretty cute. I want to make a giant winged dragon with powerskip legs (a kind of bouncy stilt - it's the same stilts Toby Froud used for his satyr costume back in the early 2000s). Ira could help me sculpt the head and claws and feet, or I could manage it myself I"m sure, with wire and batting and some creative shaping - i could make it with monster fur so that it's friendly to touch and sew on giant sequins for scales so that it sparkles. but i would need help getting in and out of it, and needing a handler feels like too big of an ask.
I miss Toby. And Brandie. I saw them both briefly in the fall. Too briefly.
I'll keep pondering my dragon. I had a name for her but it has slipped my mind at the moment. It was very simple. Oh. Twilit. She would have lights at night, of course of course. All of my costumes have lights.
Avalanche is in my spot on the bed, snoring. My heart.
Will try to send Josh a sexy photo later for his birthday maybe. I am glad he's going and I'm glad I'm staying but I am not glad to be apart, if that makes any sense. He'll be back soon, thankfully.
allll i want is chips and cookies and crackers, whoops.
super tired.
it's dark and rainy and I am just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
it's okay. I might snuggle up with a hoarding video and call it a day. I am still pretty tired from the mountain yesterday. I was going to do research at the library but now that it's the day I set aside for that, it sounds like the very last thing I want to do. I might just do that here. Or maybe take my laptop with me to work/dr appt tomorrow and go somewhere after my appt. so not looking forward to that. I don't know how it's going to go anything but poorly. I hate looking at my breast right now or thinking about it or dealing with it in any way.
three of my customers are undergoing chemo at the moment. there is lots to be grateful for.
but i can't help thinking, when i feel like this. what is it all for.
i miss my mom so much, been a bit weepy today. i asked my fb group for my self-care app if someone could send me an arctic fox micropet (a pet for my pet, basically), it reminds me of mom because she had this marble or stone white arctic fox sculpture on her kitchen counter for the last 10-15 or so years of her life before she lost the house. it was a gift from her realtor, if i remember right, for one of her far-too-many refinancing transactions, and she would pet the fox all of the time, she had it mounted on the counter so it couldn't move or fall. it was curled up asleep and really quite darling.
I've been dreaming up magnificent wearable character costumes for the fairy festival but they are things i would probably never wear at this point. i wanted to dress up and create and bestow costume magic at events when i was younger but i sort of want to stay more hidden, these days, to have a more gentle experience and instead enjoy others' costumes. lately it's a thing for people to walk around under a giant flower sculpture that they carry. pretty cute. I want to make a giant winged dragon with powerskip legs (a kind of bouncy stilt - it's the same stilts Toby Froud used for his satyr costume back in the early 2000s). Ira could help me sculpt the head and claws and feet, or I could manage it myself I"m sure, with wire and batting and some creative shaping - i could make it with monster fur so that it's friendly to touch and sew on giant sequins for scales so that it sparkles. but i would need help getting in and out of it, and needing a handler feels like too big of an ask.
I miss Toby. And Brandie. I saw them both briefly in the fall. Too briefly.
I'll keep pondering my dragon. I had a name for her but it has slipped my mind at the moment. It was very simple. Oh. Twilit. She would have lights at night, of course of course. All of my costumes have lights.
Avalanche is in my spot on the bed, snoring. My heart.
Will try to send Josh a sexy photo later for his birthday maybe. I am glad he's going and I'm glad I'm staying but I am not glad to be apart, if that makes any sense. He'll be back soon, thankfully.
