family.

Mom day Monday was the hardest yet. It ended with my brother and I both in tears, trying to process what we are going through with her. I took a video of her looping/ranting, but I can't bear to watch it right now, it's too awful. I hope to eventually learn something from this, but I don't know what. She keeps saying, basically, in what words she can muster, that if things continue for her this way, "I'll be dead!" And she's not wrong. And I don't know what to say. I try to explain that we can't do any more for her then we're already doing. I try to remind her of what she went through with her mom. She doesn't understand, she thinks she's somehow being punished, and screams, "I didn't do anything!" when I try to explain that she's not well enough for us to care for her on our own. She's right, she certainly isn't responsible for her dementia. She can't forgive us, she's distraught, desperate, terrified, confused, and furious with us.

All Shawn and I can do is try to think of ways to avoid the same fate. Our father didn't fare much better before he died. 26 years ago.

We don't have a good foundation to try to reach a better place than they did.

We are terrified, too.