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grief and loss.
Aug. 30th, 2020 09:18 amSupposed to be rock climbing but I couldn't get ready in time, so I shooed Josh and Tyler away and said I'd come find them later.
Truthfully, I need more time to cry.
I always envisioned Madoc with such a big and wide future, he was so full of knowledge that I looked forward to having access to. He had such a wide range of skills, not just crossfit coaching, acrobatics, military training, martial arts, acupuncture/Chinese medicine, and climbing, but also stretching canvas, rope braiding, knife care, mushroom foraging, a huge repertoire of food preparation, and tons of other things I had yet to discover. He read extensively, he cared so passionately about fairness, justice, and careful handling of emotional trauma, something I benefitted from so much in our friendship. He listened to me when no one else could handle the grittiest, ugliest, most painful aspects of my emotional experiences (not even my partners). That future is still there in my heart and it rips me apart that he can't walk through it, and that he's not here to help me through the trickiest bits of my own life. We were supposed to have more trips to the beach, or to the mountain to hunt mushrooms, and to share more foraged figs and persimmons.
Truthfully, I need more time to cry.
I always envisioned Madoc with such a big and wide future, he was so full of knowledge that I looked forward to having access to. He had such a wide range of skills, not just crossfit coaching, acrobatics, military training, martial arts, acupuncture/Chinese medicine, and climbing, but also stretching canvas, rope braiding, knife care, mushroom foraging, a huge repertoire of food preparation, and tons of other things I had yet to discover. He read extensively, he cared so passionately about fairness, justice, and careful handling of emotional trauma, something I benefitted from so much in our friendship. He listened to me when no one else could handle the grittiest, ugliest, most painful aspects of my emotional experiences (not even my partners). That future is still there in my heart and it rips me apart that he can't walk through it, and that he's not here to help me through the trickiest bits of my own life. We were supposed to have more trips to the beach, or to the mountain to hunt mushrooms, and to share more foraged figs and persimmons.
