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Nov. 19th, 2020
dementia progression.
Nov. 19th, 2020 07:51 pmEditing to add that the most amazing thing happened.
I posted on my fb wall about this, after not being able to talk to Josh about it, it's just easier bc I'd like family and closer friends to know but I don't want to tell them individually, it's not *that* dire of a circumstance and it's too much to talk about it that many times.
And I immediately got a phone call from Josh's mom. My mother-in-law. (She lost her mother to dementia about a year and a half ago.) And she said absolutely everything that I needed to hear, and was such a comfort and so kind and it helped so amazingly much.
It's just such a wonderful thing, to learn that your spouse doesn't have to be your one and only source for support, that friends and family are all there to support you in the ways that they know how, that everyone has their strengths, and when added altogether, all of my needs get met. I am so grateful and so incredibly fortunate and in awe of the outpouring of love.
....
Talked with mom's doctor, today. I agreed with him that it is time to transfer her to hospice care. His description of her condition during her assessment yesterday was heartbreaking. This is a blessing, she will have more comfort and comfort treatment will be immediately available for her. No more hospitals. She can stay where she is, like she wants. But it is very, very sad for us. My brother asked me to remind him of what our grandmother's passing was like. It was somewhat similar. It was also wretchedly heartbreaking. And it feels like yesterday to me, though it was 20 years ago, now. It seemed like such an unfitting end. The same is true now again, with mom. I wish things were different. Holidays without mom's magical spirit have been so hard. This hurts.
I tried to tell my husband but he had walked away from me when he realized who I was speaking to on the phone, and avoided me when I tried to tell him what was going on. He cannot handle this stuff, I can never talk to him about my mom's declining health. Or my own fear of ill health or death. He can't handle it. He has yet to have any major losses in his life, aside from his grandmother and our friend Madoc, who he was not emotionally close to. He's not emotionally close with very many people. Myself, Tyler, his parents, his friend Jayson, Matt and Natasha, maybe a couple of others. I am emotionally close with so many people. Maybe I became more clingy after losing people so dear to me, and my father, in my 20s. Loved ones are the most precious thing.
I slip and call my step-dad my grandfather on occasion. I've done it twice, now. I can't believe he is 80. I hope to see him outdoors, masked, and distanced, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, if all goes well.
I posted on my fb wall about this, after not being able to talk to Josh about it, it's just easier bc I'd like family and closer friends to know but I don't want to tell them individually, it's not *that* dire of a circumstance and it's too much to talk about it that many times.
And I immediately got a phone call from Josh's mom. My mother-in-law. (She lost her mother to dementia about a year and a half ago.) And she said absolutely everything that I needed to hear, and was such a comfort and so kind and it helped so amazingly much.
It's just such a wonderful thing, to learn that your spouse doesn't have to be your one and only source for support, that friends and family are all there to support you in the ways that they know how, that everyone has their strengths, and when added altogether, all of my needs get met. I am so grateful and so incredibly fortunate and in awe of the outpouring of love.
....
Talked with mom's doctor, today. I agreed with him that it is time to transfer her to hospice care. His description of her condition during her assessment yesterday was heartbreaking. This is a blessing, she will have more comfort and comfort treatment will be immediately available for her. No more hospitals. She can stay where she is, like she wants. But it is very, very sad for us. My brother asked me to remind him of what our grandmother's passing was like. It was somewhat similar. It was also wretchedly heartbreaking. And it feels like yesterday to me, though it was 20 years ago, now. It seemed like such an unfitting end. The same is true now again, with mom. I wish things were different. Holidays without mom's magical spirit have been so hard. This hurts.
I tried to tell my husband but he had walked away from me when he realized who I was speaking to on the phone, and avoided me when I tried to tell him what was going on. He cannot handle this stuff, I can never talk to him about my mom's declining health. Or my own fear of ill health or death. He can't handle it. He has yet to have any major losses in his life, aside from his grandmother and our friend Madoc, who he was not emotionally close to. He's not emotionally close with very many people. Myself, Tyler, his parents, his friend Jayson, Matt and Natasha, maybe a couple of others. I am emotionally close with so many people. Maybe I became more clingy after losing people so dear to me, and my father, in my 20s. Loved ones are the most precious thing.
I slip and call my step-dad my grandfather on occasion. I've done it twice, now. I can't believe he is 80. I hope to see him outdoors, masked, and distanced, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, if all goes well.