better not better?

It's so strange, I woke up feeling just as horrible as when I went to sleep, but today I was able to get up and clean and make breakfast and do exercises like normal, even though my thoughts are a nightmare. My body feels better today, despite the trash I fed it all day yesterday. (i threw away the chocolate spread and the chocolate covered pretzels this morning.) and my eye is healing well enough that even josh commented on it this morning that it looks better, and he never notices that stuff.

it's a weird feeling to be functional while depressive thoughts are still in control. just going through the motions but thank goodness for healthy habits. getting me through.

coffee is good.

started part 3 of the lifespan book. which allegedly talks more about what we can do right now to combat aging. he said most people over 45 fail the sit-stand-test. i tried it this morning and failed. it is really sad for me. BUT. I think a huge reason for this is my hip dysplasia. if my hips allowed me to sit cross-legged like a normal person, i think i could pass the test easily, but they don't. however, the fact that i have hip dysplasia, despite the fact that it is congenital and happened before i was born, might have an effect on my lifespan. my surgeon told me that being under for my procedure for 7.5 hours would reduce my lifespan by 2-3 years, for example.

I did do 20 pushups this morning, which he also said is a good sign of slower aging in people over 45. so there's that.

Tough bike day.

At studio, waiting for customer. Someone left the heat at 73 so I'll turn it off when I leave. It's nice that is warm because I got caught in a torrential downpour on my bike on the way here. I also had someone who had a stop sign pull out in front of me on a major bike thoroughfare, it was so shitty, slamming on brakes on wet pavement is never safe. But I managed, I'm used to this garbage driving now (California plates), just not usually on that street. Sigh. I retaliated later when I ended up in front of her pickup, I wish I hadn't. (Just cut across her path really aggressively because I was sick of sucking her truck's exhaust.)

Sometimes people are late here because they can't find the place, but not usually ten minutes. Also people can't read, I instruct people to ring the bell because the door is locked. But every single time I leave a door unlocked someone wanders in without buzzing. This happened once when I left the back door unlatched unknowingly. Wth people. Better check my email.