hit the fasting/calorie restriction chapter of the Lifespan book, and it's really good timing, i'm ready to process this. it's aboslutely the number one thing we can do right now to increase lifespan and healthspan, and it's in line with the blue zones info i already know, and i've done it before so i know it's doable. i'm so bloated and gross right now, carrying around this giant food baby in my tum. my cortisol is through the roof so all of my excess weight has gone straight to my permapreg bump, something i've always tended toward and absolutely hate. (waist circumference is the most telling sign of health, also, so the fact that everything goes directly there is a bad sign for my overall health.) the snack attacks at night are just unbearable, must find a way to mitigate this. willpower alone is not working. i snack on nuts and raisins usually, but that's still several hundred unnecessary calories every night, when i'm not even hungry, just uncomfortable. it has to stop.
it's comforting to hear that in human studies, the two year mark is often the breaking point for people doing calorie restriction. that's about where i'm at currently, or a little past it. i hope there might be some info for getting back on track or restarting. generally people who intend to limit their calories by 20 percent on average only manage 12 percent. even that is a big improvement though and has a good effect. i might try intermittent fasting again, instead, that also failed after about 2 years of success (in sections, alternating between that and calorie restriction), so i'm skeptical, but hopeful.
...
need to get ready for work soon. woke up in tears again today. just too much sadness and loss. death is too close too often and i can't shake the feeling that i'm squandering my life. josh has been reading adventure books and talking about adventures and it's the only thing getting him through. i am grateful for his strength and the simplicity of his approach to life. but it also feels a little empty. physical activity and experience is wonderful but not exactly a legacy. maybe legacies are not important. i don't know. i can see why people retreat from me when all i want to do is cry. but also it's weird to me that others aren't more sad, and more thoughtful about what little life we all have to live. and really what feels most important to me is the time we share together (virtually or otherwise) so it's hard to understand why people don't prioritize that more.
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