uncut section - from a walk in the courtyard this morning with my little black moon cat

I was in a daze this morning walking Lunar, marveling at the miracle of life. the designs of the leaves of the plants are just astonishingly beautiful. I don't understand how you can stick a seed in the dirt and then this happens. intricately beautiful shapes and patterns of living material that processes sunlight into substance, wooden branches that hold firm against the wind and take in nutrients and nourish the leaves and flowers above. the delicate bead like structures of little buds as they form on delicate green tendrils of new growth. the colors of flowers as they change in the sunlight, the shifting colors of leaves in fall, the gentle scattering as they start to fall, omg it's all just so unspeakably miraculous and beautiful and amazing and I'm so grateful I get to be a part of it, as temporary as it all is. We have a gentle overcast day with sun peeking through, it will rain tonight and then through Tuesday which is fine with me.

Josh is in Bend. The apartment is trashed. need to try to clean up before he comes home, after silks class.

Need to go run before it gets too late.

enchanted september, trimmed for public postability

had the most ridiculously beautiful day.

took that long magical walk with Lunar in the courtyard, sipping my coffee with coconut milk and turmeric, nursing my wounds after drinking 2 drinks last night. I wasn't hungover, but I barely slept and had a headache during the night. at some point i got up and drank a glass of water, that always helps.

made it to the park and ran faster than usual. a stranger on the trail even commented, "you're fast!" :) I ran over 3 miles in less than half an hour, I've never done that. maybe it's those new shoes Joshter bought for me.

Mostly I think I was just trying to make sure I had time to get a latte before silks class, lol.

I got my latte! And my fancy kombucha.

silks class was wonderful. John, my instructor, said at some point while I was helping him set up (I've done enough rigging now and have enough experience that I'm sort of a teachers pet/helper), "It's so nice to have you in the studio again, Sarah." made my heart lift. so joyful. he's great.

came home, famished, and cooked myself some tomatoes, onions, and two farm fresh eggs. brought the food outside and took another verrrrry long walk with the cat, the weather was just too perfect. warm, glimmering sunshine with the occasional cloud crossing over. i listened to my Worthy Project audiobook while we were outside (I finally received my cinnamon moon "happy Owloween" sachet from my friend Aubrey and hung it on the front door so I could continue with the "homework" assignment from chapter 1, which involves taking a photo of ones front door, asking oneself, "What do I love, what do I desire, how could I be represented here?" re-do the door, take a photo again, and journal about ones findings. My findings are that I was ignoring something or only giving myself a tiny bit of space for expression and that I could give a little more effort to care for myself than I do. I see that I am capable of doing a little more, and it feels nice, but I wish it were more, still. But, baby steps. The owl moon sachet is really nice, and it smells wonderful every time I open the door). I let Lunar soak in the day for as long as I could stand to. We lingered for well over half an hour before I finally scooped him up and took him back inside. snagged a really cute photo of him :)

all i wanted to do was flop onto the couch at this point, it was around 3pm, but i told myself i could do so as soon as i got a load of laundry in. while laundry was going, i boiled water for henna and washed all the dishes. mixed and put henna on my head and started load 2 of laundry, and started rinsing the giant batch of tomatoes Josh's mom had gifted us a few days ago. (Josh went to Bend to climb with a friend over the weekend, so I had the apartment to myself, hence all the cooking and cleaning/housework type stuff). Listened to Dabin while all this was happening, the act Finley and I are planning to go see together. Cleaned up my bedroom, desk area, and cleared off the table, got the life vest and paddle out of the car, put away some things i need to donate. started load 3 of laundry. tyler had texted at some point, "home tonight?" and i said YES. He offered to bring mushrooms and I said "bring it!" and suggested pizza on almond flour tortillas, what did we decide to call them, tacoizzas? lol

he did not indicate a time so I was a bit caught off guard when he texted "ok at your place" at 5:30pm lol. My head was still covered in henna and i had laundry to put in the dryer. the tomatoes were just finishing becoming sauce. I ran and let him in after covering the plastic bag on my head with an ear cozy, and apologized that i wasn't entirely prepared for him yet, but he didn't mind, he handed me a boatload of mushrooms (hericium abietis for days as well as boletes, a hedgehog, and some blue chaterelles, !!!), and flopped onto the couch.

I put my freshly made tomato sauce into a jar and started cleaning and prepping the hericium (bear's head/tooth), picking out a handful of little beetles and apologizing to them silently. they were surprisingly unbuggy tbh. seared up the mushrooms and rinsed the henna off of my head, and chatted lightly with Tyler while he lounged about. I asked him about Anil but he doesn't know him, alas. He did find an old photo of him with Damien though, another long ago tango person (who has since transitioned to a she named Azalea). Anil was a skinny bald kid 10 years ago. he is a very large bushy curly haired dude now. so weird.

cooked a pan full of mushrooms and prepped the pizzacos, with freshly made tomato sauce, seared purple cabbage, onions, and arugula, tofu, my homemade pesto, mushrooms, and grassmilk organic cheese. YUM omg. Josh pulled up as I was sliding them into the oven. divine timing, that one has.

the pizzas were done by 7pm and I seared a second pan full of mushrooms while they cooked, so we each had 3 little pizzas (I had two, Tyler had 2 and took one for the road, josh had 2 so there's 2 left in the fridge, yay) and tyler also ate the entire 2nd batch of mushrooms on his own, lol. he's the one who found them so it was his to binge on, it was appropriate. I'm glad he liked them, must have done okay cooking them :)

the two of them talked rock climbing and bored me almost to tears, but what can you do. Tyler had played me some pretty piano while I cooked for us, I was grateful. he gifted me a pair of leggings, so nice of him. the kind with pockets! i've needed leggings with pockets desperately.

i am feeling better about pandemic, lately. the numbers are dropping, my customers are calming down. i am starting to breathe into the idea that i don't have to spend my entire life in fear of infecting those who chose not to vaccinate themselves. i am as protected as i can be, as are all my friends, so are most people around me, except the kiddos, so i will continue to be careful and follow all the mandates but i also need to just breathe and live and not take on responsibility for everyone else. i can only control my own behavior. it's also become really clear to me that the news and other outlets are just fear mongering because it sells, and i'm not letting it warp my mind so much. there is some part of me that that feels like those in power are trying to control people through fear, using a virus instead of religion like they used to use, and i'm kinda over it. i feel better, i'm sure that will change in a week or so, lol.

it's 10pm and the kitchen and bedroom and livingroom are cleanish, all of my clothes are washed, the bathroom smells divine, i got to hang up my halloween towels and my "pumpkin carving" scented candle is lit, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. exhausted and looking forward to sleeeeeeep.