from a friend's post

I counted my years and discovered that I have less time to live from here on out than what I have lived until now.
I feel like that kid who won a pack of sweets: the first ones ate them with pleasure, but when he realized there were few left he began to taste them intensely.
I no longer have time for endless meetings where statute, rules, procedures and internal regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be achieved.
I no longer have time to support dumb people who, despite their chronic age, haven't grown up.
My time is too short: I want the essence, my soul is in a hurry. I don't have much sweets in the package anymore.
I want to live next to human, very humane people, who know how to laugh at their mistakes and who are not inflated by their triumphs and who take on their own responsibilities. This is how you defend human dignity and move towards truth and honesty
It’s the essential that makes life worth living.
I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch hearts, people who have been taught to grow up with gentle touches of their soul.
Yes, I'm in a hurry, I'm rushing to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.
I don't mean to waste any of the leftover sweets. I'm sure these will be delicious, a lot more than the ones I've eaten so far.
My goal is to reach a satisfied and peaceful end with my loved ones and my conscience.
We have two lives and the second one starts when you realize you only have one.
Mario of Andrade

magic little winter birds

The cedar waxwings are back!

I was fretting over their absence so.

They are sooooooooooooooooooo beautiful.

I will miss watching them out of my kitchen window in the mornings, the new apartment won't have this view.

But they will still be there, I can walk over and watch them any winter morning.

wish I had some mulled cider.

It's 6pm and I still haven't tackled my messages. I don't know if I can do it sober.

spooky xmas vibes

Need to remember to not punish myself for not getting everything on my list done, and also to give myself credit for what I did get done.

Today I....

* did all the dishes along with usual morning chores
* cleaned up the diningroom table
* cooked dinner
* baked pumpkin cranberry chocolate chip banana bread
* got groceries
* got catfood
* got some more small xmas gifts/stocking stuffers/slippers to go with the onesie
* did my hollow body and pushups
* went for a walk with Josh
* got groceries
* got out an order
* answered some messages
* processed a refund
* opened my mail and processed it (this is an accomplishment for me - I have weird trauma around mail)
* played with the cat
* held my boundaries when Josh tried to push me to go shopping for new skis when I didn't want to (sometimes I can't let people spend money on me, it's a thing)
* had really healthy breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner

(eta I also finished at least my email messages [texts will have to wait until tomorrow], found a lost check, and started turkey bone broth with the carcass from Josh's mom)

It was pouring down rain and freezing, today. Josh and I took a lunch hour walk in the soaking, cold together to get tea/coffee at a local cafe that he's never visited, that I adore and used to work out of. He is considering new places to work, now that he'll have a remote-only job, and wanted to see it. He LOVED it. They're great. This place opened about a year before pandemic, and has outlets at every seating area. It's designed to work from there. They are letting people sit inside again now, finally. Few cafes are! I'm very grateful for this and hope it continues.

...

I searched for snowy areas to visit on Wednesday, my day for outdoor time, as it will be cold and rainy here, but snowy on the mountain. No decisions made yet. I might just walk around trillium lake in the new fallen snow and say hi to the grey jays.

...

THE CEDAR WAXWINGS. I cannot explain how happy they made me, when they appeared late this morning. SO GORGEOUS.

Here is what they look like:




Often nomming berries. The native cranberry they eat produces red wing-tips. If they eat the invasive honeysuckle that we have here with an orange berry, they develop orange wing-tips. Birds with similar wing-tip colors tend to mate together. Fascinating.

I've also seen them eat juniper berries.

who knows how the blue effects things.

...

I am currently in the middle of my last can of organic Great Gourds of Fire pumpkin ale, as a reward for getting through at least some of my emails. It was that hard for me to get into them. My head hurt off and on ALL DAY from the stress. Sometimes beer really, really helps. hashtag self-medication.

A guy next to me in the self check-out when I was buying cat food said, "Those socks with those tights area great combo." I was wearing xmas elf socks with skull leggings. This was a conscious decision, this morning, for my running-errands-on-my-day-off attire. It was very validating. :) Sometimes I really love humans.

hashtag tipsy on pumpkin beer.

neck spasms wonder why,

Tuesday morning before werk after morning chores, let's see if we can....

* get out larger order
* bank run, deposit checks, get new debit card issued
* farmers market run and grab thai for Josh's dinner
* email Joel about green coffee beans?

text message replies can maybe happen during lunch or after werk?

erf tired tired.

a gentler time.

ah just enough beer to keep coming back for lil mini-entries, lol.

just thought i'd make a note that tonight i bought myself a hair conditioner that i love that smells really good that is a naughty indulgence type thing that i almost never allow myself.

digging around for an old box of henna tonight, i found a hoarded bottle of the same exact conditioner. nearly empty. surely i was stashing this for some emergency hot date night or something and then entirely forgot that it existed.

a stash from the beforetimes when I could not afford to buy myself a second bottle of the good-smelling high-functioning conditioner. or just couldn't be nice enough to myself to allow the extra $7 expenditure on something contained in plastic that will end up in a landfill.

i don't have to be that mean to myself, anymore.

Tuesday catchup work to do.

I forgot to go look for my lost bells in the muddy park. Or to pick the suspicious mushrooms in the courtyard. I need to get up extra early tomorrow.