winter photos - teacup lake

Josh and I skiing at Teacup during a small snowstorm (nothing his truck couldn't handle)



My snow angel attempt



Stormy day turned bluebird - Josh: "send a picture of the blue skies to that grumpy dude who told us not to go (aka tyler)



me waiting in the truck for Josh, enjoying the play of light on my fancy eyeshadow

clear lake lookout jan 2022

Hi this is me with my favorite male hyooman



lookout breakfast w/ blueberries



struggling under a steep incline and heavy pack, sooooo graceful lol




what even is a selfie stick



sunrise



oh hai it us



sunday sunset




hottie hauling wood 40' up



tilty mountain



changing perspective



this tree that is throwing its arms up in celebration of simply being

christmas delights

Lunar watching the snow fall



paperwhites



paperwhites and lunar



heading out to xmas eve: "making xmas making xmas lalala" (the sox read: making spirits bright)



my goofy wonderful perfect fam



fam x2



tequila! my brother Tom and I discovered a mutual love for tequila, so now shots are a xmas eve tradition



little bouquet of greens



bough made from the branch that fell on my car when josh and i went running in a storm



xmas cheer on the diningroom table

what to my wondering eyes

was walking the cat this morning, and this dude walking down the street gave me such a funny smile - I only remembered after he walked away that I slept in my ears last night. messy hair groggy morning elf walking her cat in the frosty dappled sunlit winter morning, totally normal lol.

fatigue

mom died on the 19th of January, last year. as it gets closer, my vision feels clouded, my head feels heavy. waves of grief hit repeatedly, some harder than others, but all so deeply darkly sad.

i feel very certain that i share her fate, but, i'm not going to fret about it anymore. more important is to fill my life which as much goodness as i can, while i still can. something i wish she could have done more of. i wish she could have been free to be comfortable and at peace with her place in the world, at some point. i wish i'd been strong enough to be able to provide that to her, before she self-destructed. sometimes it still feels completely purposeless to exist without her.

i'm very tired and cranky, tonight. went for a run after work. which was all wonderful but just draining, and i had to sparkle the lady i didn't want to sparkle. she was not as terrible as last time but still really, really difficult. i don't know how to get out of sparkling her? i have no real reason to other than it's unpleasant and exhausting. how do i do this.

had plenty of food for dinner but still feeling munchies, stressy munchies. i bought toasted corn and potato chips, ack. i did eat some healthy things. maybe will have a daisy clementine before i dig into the chips.

there is so much i want to do, this weekend. i want to sit with my winter cards, and get them out. i want to bake all of the cookies. i want to deliver all of the cookies.

i want to post a small handful of winter delights photos to instagram but just can't seem to make myself do it? this is odd, usually social media is compulsive. when did it become a chore?

i need some tea. or something with a little more punch to it, perhaps.

i need a hug, and some dancing. tyler invited me to a west coast swing night tonight, but i don't know that dance and have no interest in dancing with strangers during a surge, even though we likely none of us will get very sick, we could still contribute to someone elderly and fragile getting ill by carrying it and spreading it around asymptomatically. no thanks.

any little momentary tickle in my throat sends me google searching for testing sites. but so far i haven't had any actual symptoms of any kind.

i am so, so tired of this.