waiting for the coffee to kick in, listening to the finches, bushtits, crows, and waxwings.

Came home from an appointment and coffee visit with my brother yesterday to find Lunar had thrown up on the new sofa. This was to be expected, just maybe not only 2 days in, ha. Anyway, the cushion cover luckily zips off, and was washed. Meanwhile I draped blankets over the couch so that he wouldn't vomit on the exposed inside.

He's currently burrowed under the blankets in a little couch fort of his own making, lol.

(He's going to the vet tomorrow morning, so we can hopefully try to get some help with the excessive vomiting.)

He also left turd nuggets on the bathroom floor and the lobby hallway (where I like to let him play sometimes).

This might be my last cat.

I love him dearly, I do. But this is not sustainable, for my own health.

The dumpster truck for the workshop across the street came at 2am and woke me up last night, again. It's like they all make sure to alternate so one of the five dumpsters within a few hundred yards gets picked up in the middle of the night a different night of the week, ensuring I never get a full night's sleep.

This is fine.

..

There was a pair of stellar's jays at the studio yesterday when i went in to sparkle a customer and work on wings. such pretty birds.

lack of impulse control.

had a rough overwhelming emotional day, today.

could not fight the cookie cravings at the grocery store, got a bag of some that keto junk turned out to be yucky, picked out 3 cookie bar cookies, and got a box of "back to nature" oreos which are not any more natural than traditional oreos, but they were a dollar less.

i feel so, so, so sick now. i had the 3 cookie bar cookies, 2 keto things, and 6 oreos (5 of them without filling). if i were a purger i would totally do that, my body is asking me to, but i have a terrible time allowing myself to vomit, it's not a thing i can do no matter how sick i am, unless it really just ejects itself out of me without warning. my poor body is gently requesting to purge the poison, with these deep slow waves of nausea and tummy cramps, but i cannot comply.

ugh. worst.

the internet says if i drink a lot of water and wait ten minutes, i might be able to purge more easily. water couldn't hurt anyway, after all that salt and sugar.

ugh i feel terrrrrible.