discomfort training.

feeling rough around the edges after yesterday, but I'll recover.

another stormy day, this afternoon, I need to get my run in this morning so that I'm not running in a storm - I've tried that, it's not my favorite, as far as discomfort training goes.

will work on mom's memorial stuff, today. It's 2.5 months away, and although it's small, I want it to be done with care.

...

oh also i found out yesterday that my favorite local weatherguy that i follow on facebook is the dad of one of the little girls who skates the same session as me on Tuesdays. pretty cute. he's going to be involved in their next skating show, lol.

a hard and busy productive day, if a little avoidant.

ha, I'm somehow managed to stay obscenely busy all day and not tackled anything related to mom's memorial. ooooops.

while at the grocery store, Mario was outside in the rain, in a garbage bag poncho. Mario has schizophrenia and is a gentle soul and really struggles. he makes mistakes when he is more sick, and he's been doing a little more poorly as of late. he was rambling loudly at a lady getting on her bike, not as coherent as he sometimes can be. it could have been a little bit scary or at best uncomfortable, for someone who doesn't know him. i gave him a lot more cash than i've ever given to any of the local panhandlers before. i just... i was about to spend just as much on highly nutritious food for myself, for the purposes of performance enhancement for my race this weekend. but it's not anything i *need* - it will make me stronger and healthier but i could also just eat normal food and not be an athlete or not perform as well in a recreational race. mario needs it more than i do, right? there is no comparison, of course he is more in need. how can i ignore this. if i can indulge in this nourishment, i can indulge in giving, too. i can't be reckless but i can be occasionally extra giving, it's okay. there is a storm coming tonight and i just wanted him off the street. so, he came in and cheerfully bought food and left, while i was shopping, which is exactly what i was hoping would happen (this coop where i shop threw him a birthday party a few months ago, they are a communist cooperative grocery store in which i own a share, so i am considered an owner, and they try to support their most vulnerable neighbors, including stocked free fridges in the neighborhood and such - it makes me happy that they try to support the panhandlers who are most in need).

my run was really hard. i was nauseated and in pain the whole time. i felt unsafe at one point, as a group of high school boys (i was running at a track at a local high school) walked across the field, looked at which lane i was running in, turned to face me, and stopped to stand in my running lane specifically. purposeful intimidation. i ran around them. it's triggering, given my history of bullying, but i just ignored them, and then left. i kept running. i finished my three miles without incident. i feel much better now.

got brooke her order that i accidentally sent to someone else, hand-delivered. picked up Lunar's prescription cat food. played with him a lot. cleaned the kitchen. working on laundry. made healthy foods. it's all good. I'll get to the memorial stuff. i will.

need to eat a little more or maybe have some tea, and then try to create some invites for mom's birthday memorial celebration.

sacred morning time with the cat.

there was the most spectacular sunrise this morning. lunar woke me up for it, initially i was mad at him but in less than a second i saw what the sunrise was doing and was wildly grateful. i shifted my position in bed so i could watch it out the window, and he curled up with me, also facing the window, as if he were doing the same. eventually he nuzzled his face into my hand. sooooooo sweet.

running training mental hacks

during my run today, I decided to try to bump up the speed just a little on the last lap, even though I felt totally awful.

Resorted to Daft Punk. For the first half of the lap, I was just saying to myself, Harder. Harder. Harder. Harder. Faster. Faster. Faster. Faster. Better. Better. Better. Better. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger.

By the time I was on the straightaway, I was full on "Work it Harder Make it Faster Do it Better Makes us Stronger" lol omg I crack myself up. Whatever works, right?

I never run with music or ear buds. This is not something I've ever done skating, either. I enjoy listening to music in a gym or from the outside in some way, but not music in my ears. I find it uncomfortable. This might be due to my hypersensitive hearing? (I had it tested once. I have the hearing of a six year old.)