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serafaeryha, I'm somehow managed to stay obscenely busy all day and not tackled anything related to mom's memorial. ooooops.
while at the grocery store, Mario was outside in the rain, in a garbage bag poncho. Mario has schizophrenia and is a gentle soul and really struggles. he makes mistakes when he is more sick, and he's been doing a little more poorly as of late. he was rambling loudly at a lady getting on her bike, not as coherent as he sometimes can be. it could have been a little bit scary or at best uncomfortable, for someone who doesn't know him. i gave him a lot more cash than i've ever given to any of the local panhandlers before. i just... i was about to spend just as much on highly nutritious food for myself, for the purposes of performance enhancement for my race this weekend. but it's not anything i *need* - it will make me stronger and healthier but i could also just eat normal food and not be an athlete or not perform as well in a recreational race. mario needs it more than i do, right? there is no comparison, of course he is more in need. how can i ignore this. if i can indulge in this nourishment, i can indulge in giving, too. i can't be reckless but i can be occasionally extra giving, it's okay. there is a storm coming tonight and i just wanted him off the street. so, he came in and cheerfully bought food and left, while i was shopping, which is exactly what i was hoping would happen (this coop where i shop threw him a birthday party a few months ago, they are a communist cooperative grocery store in which i own a share, so i am considered an owner, and they try to support their most vulnerable neighbors, including stocked free fridges in the neighborhood and such - it makes me happy that they try to support the panhandlers who are most in need).
my run was really hard. i was nauseated and in pain the whole time. i felt unsafe at one point, as a group of high school boys (i was running at a track at a local high school) walked across the field, looked at which lane i was running in, turned to face me, and stopped to stand in my running lane specifically. purposeful intimidation. i ran around them. it's triggering, given my history of bullying, but i just ignored them, and then left. i kept running. i finished my three miles without incident. i feel much better now.
got brooke her order that i accidentally sent to someone else, hand-delivered. picked up Lunar's prescription cat food. played with him a lot. cleaned the kitchen. working on laundry. made healthy foods. it's all good. I'll get to the memorial stuff. i will.
need to eat a little more or maybe have some tea, and then try to create some invites for mom's birthday memorial celebration.
while at the grocery store, Mario was outside in the rain, in a garbage bag poncho. Mario has schizophrenia and is a gentle soul and really struggles. he makes mistakes when he is more sick, and he's been doing a little more poorly as of late. he was rambling loudly at a lady getting on her bike, not as coherent as he sometimes can be. it could have been a little bit scary or at best uncomfortable, for someone who doesn't know him. i gave him a lot more cash than i've ever given to any of the local panhandlers before. i just... i was about to spend just as much on highly nutritious food for myself, for the purposes of performance enhancement for my race this weekend. but it's not anything i *need* - it will make me stronger and healthier but i could also just eat normal food and not be an athlete or not perform as well in a recreational race. mario needs it more than i do, right? there is no comparison, of course he is more in need. how can i ignore this. if i can indulge in this nourishment, i can indulge in giving, too. i can't be reckless but i can be occasionally extra giving, it's okay. there is a storm coming tonight and i just wanted him off the street. so, he came in and cheerfully bought food and left, while i was shopping, which is exactly what i was hoping would happen (this coop where i shop threw him a birthday party a few months ago, they are a communist cooperative grocery store in which i own a share, so i am considered an owner, and they try to support their most vulnerable neighbors, including stocked free fridges in the neighborhood and such - it makes me happy that they try to support the panhandlers who are most in need).
my run was really hard. i was nauseated and in pain the whole time. i felt unsafe at one point, as a group of high school boys (i was running at a track at a local high school) walked across the field, looked at which lane i was running in, turned to face me, and stopped to stand in my running lane specifically. purposeful intimidation. i ran around them. it's triggering, given my history of bullying, but i just ignored them, and then left. i kept running. i finished my three miles without incident. i feel much better now.
got brooke her order that i accidentally sent to someone else, hand-delivered. picked up Lunar's prescription cat food. played with him a lot. cleaned the kitchen. working on laundry. made healthy foods. it's all good. I'll get to the memorial stuff. i will.
need to eat a little more or maybe have some tea, and then try to create some invites for mom's birthday memorial celebration.
