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covid day six please end soon.
Jun. 11th, 2022 09:14 amI'm still sick and it's sad. it's raining, raining, raining. i'm super depressed from being cooped up in my room. Josh is still testing negative so i'm still masking in the apartment and minimizing my time outside of my room.
but gregory said he would bring me veggies from the market this morning. i am so grateful for my friends.
i miss my mom.
fell into a really bad place last night in my head, but i think it's just covid messing with my brain.
it's exhausting dealing with people's outside perspective of me, sometimes. if they knew, or could manage to keep in mind everything i've gone through, they would not consider me so "silly" and "whimsical" and childish and whatnot.
i lost my grandparents before i was of age. i lost my dad at 26. (no one had any money.) my mom disowned me afterward, then begged me to take care of her when she got sick, and so i did, and had to watch her slowly die of dementia for the last 10 years of her life. with no financial support and no other family other than a questionably emotionally abusive older brother and some step-relatives. meanwhile i had the largest joint in my body reconstructed and lost all of the skills i put into my body in competitive ice skating, and suffered with chronic pain from that for over 20 years. while fighting of genetic alcoholism and mood disorders. nobody gets to call me "silly" and be right.
if i act a little disconnected from reality, it's only because otherwise i would not be able to tolerate this existence.
josh is getting a PCR test later today, just to be sure.
my throat still hurts so i'm not even going to bother to test myself today, i'm sure i'm still a plague rat. i'm suffering from quarantine but i have it so much better than most. at least i can. at least i'm safe. it's wildly expensive but i can order food.
( one slight personal complaint )
i might go watch the grand floral parade, since it's passing right by here today, probably in about an hour or so. i can walk like four blocks to see it. i can bring a chair maybe. it always, always rains for the grand floral parade. (the crown jewel in portland's "rose festival.")
but gregory said he would bring me veggies from the market this morning. i am so grateful for my friends.
i miss my mom.
fell into a really bad place last night in my head, but i think it's just covid messing with my brain.
it's exhausting dealing with people's outside perspective of me, sometimes. if they knew, or could manage to keep in mind everything i've gone through, they would not consider me so "silly" and "whimsical" and childish and whatnot.
i lost my grandparents before i was of age. i lost my dad at 26. (no one had any money.) my mom disowned me afterward, then begged me to take care of her when she got sick, and so i did, and had to watch her slowly die of dementia for the last 10 years of her life. with no financial support and no other family other than a questionably emotionally abusive older brother and some step-relatives. meanwhile i had the largest joint in my body reconstructed and lost all of the skills i put into my body in competitive ice skating, and suffered with chronic pain from that for over 20 years. while fighting of genetic alcoholism and mood disorders. nobody gets to call me "silly" and be right.
if i act a little disconnected from reality, it's only because otherwise i would not be able to tolerate this existence.
josh is getting a PCR test later today, just to be sure.
my throat still hurts so i'm not even going to bother to test myself today, i'm sure i'm still a plague rat. i'm suffering from quarantine but i have it so much better than most. at least i can. at least i'm safe. it's wildly expensive but i can order food.
( one slight personal complaint )
i might go watch the grand floral parade, since it's passing right by here today, probably in about an hour or so. i can walk like four blocks to see it. i can bring a chair maybe. it always, always rains for the grand floral parade. (the crown jewel in portland's "rose festival.")
