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still recovering.
Jun. 14th, 2022 01:59 pmstill in a really bad place mentally. still not entirely well, just some snurfles but ugh, drained and just so saaaaaaad. i think covid messed up my brain chemistry.
my office/room is still a disaster and i just can't face it. at least the kitchen is slightly better now.
i did make two pretty decent wing frames last night, i just sat in my studio and tolerated the awful and at least made stuff. i am hoping to try to finish at least one of them before faerieworlds. i'll head back over there in a bit.
have some sparkles to try to reschedule, bills i need to pay, laundry so needs attention but everything just feels impossible.
i also starved myself yesterday on accident, which led to a cake binge on the way home at 10:30at night which left me sick all morning this morning. i just ate two salad rolls and feel nauseated again, i think i just haven't eaten that much food in one sitting since getting covid. i should have just had one instead of two. sigh.
it's just this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy has me paralyzed, i feel like i can't do anything. i am confused about not liking my work right now. i've always loved it. i should be grateful. but i'm conflicted and avoidant. it might perk me up to try to make some video content today, maybe i'll try that.
food helped. my last nutrition book had such a huge emphasis on fasting and i felt so good the first day i did a 24hr fast, but since then i've just been depriving myself and feeling terrible and putting on pudge anyway because i eventually break down and eat something unhealthy.
maybe i can go for an easy run tonight after working on wings. we'll see.
tomorrow i need to prep for the tower. lunar needs some food and i need a few more snacks for the weekend. i need better maps for the logging roads. thankfully if i get bored or hungry, there is always fika. that coffee shop in Sisters is so wonderful.
i still don't know if i'm going to faerieworlds saturday or sunday. (or perhaps even both?) I guess i will just hope there are tickets a the door?
did not buy tickets for odesza or dead can dance. will i regret this? probably. but with how i feel about covid right now, i still don't want to be in large venues.
my office/room is still a disaster and i just can't face it. at least the kitchen is slightly better now.
i did make two pretty decent wing frames last night, i just sat in my studio and tolerated the awful and at least made stuff. i am hoping to try to finish at least one of them before faerieworlds. i'll head back over there in a bit.
have some sparkles to try to reschedule, bills i need to pay, laundry so needs attention but everything just feels impossible.
i also starved myself yesterday on accident, which led to a cake binge on the way home at 10:30at night which left me sick all morning this morning. i just ate two salad rolls and feel nauseated again, i think i just haven't eaten that much food in one sitting since getting covid. i should have just had one instead of two. sigh.
it's just this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy has me paralyzed, i feel like i can't do anything. i am confused about not liking my work right now. i've always loved it. i should be grateful. but i'm conflicted and avoidant. it might perk me up to try to make some video content today, maybe i'll try that.
food helped. my last nutrition book had such a huge emphasis on fasting and i felt so good the first day i did a 24hr fast, but since then i've just been depriving myself and feeling terrible and putting on pudge anyway because i eventually break down and eat something unhealthy.
maybe i can go for an easy run tonight after working on wings. we'll see.
tomorrow i need to prep for the tower. lunar needs some food and i need a few more snacks for the weekend. i need better maps for the logging roads. thankfully if i get bored or hungry, there is always fika. that coffee shop in Sisters is so wonderful.
i still don't know if i'm going to faerieworlds saturday or sunday. (or perhaps even both?) I guess i will just hope there are tickets a the door?
did not buy tickets for odesza or dead can dance. will i regret this? probably. but with how i feel about covid right now, i still don't want to be in large venues.
