fleeting

bowed out of the party. despite my deep desire to see Orvis. And Finley. And to get to know Elina better. My large midsection and my fierce headache decided otherwise.

My nose is also insisting on running a tiny bit, which tells me I'm working on fighting off Josh's cold. (probably the cause of the headache, also, along with some stress.) Don't want to expose anyone to that.

I cooked him burgers with onions and a very gingery pumpkin pie is baking in the oven for him also.

Need to find some more nibbles, try to relieve this headache a bit.

Didn't run (I hate running when I have a headache) after work but Cynthia is back and wants to walk in the morning, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay finally omg.

one day I will shed these extra ten pounds.

just gotta get back to regular walking/running/skating, now that my foot is better... (please stay better little foot, I need you).

finally bought myself a scale and I'm scared to open it lol.

I didn't get inserts yet for skating tomorrow, hopefully I can swing by Rite Aid on the way to the rink, I just need to give myself an extra ten or so minutes to buy them and cut/fit them into my skates when I get to the rink. blergh. Hard to turn down a free edging clinic for adults, though - that never happens! I mean there are never clinics for adult skaters at ALL, let alone FREE ones.

I miss being younger. A lot.

Need to catch up on my journals and reply to my lovely comments. People are kind. I am so grateful. My customers were magical today. As usual. I am so blessed. It's ridiculous. Faeries, you spoil me. After all the years of suffering and struggle, what have I done to deserve such gentleness and support. I bask in it gleefully and never take it for granted. I know it could all be gone in a moment.

Stars, Mary Oliver

Here in my head, language
keeps making its tiny noises.
How can I hope to be friends
with the hard white stars
whose flaring and hissing are not speech
but pure radiance?
How can I hope to be friends
with the yawning spaces between them
where nothing, ever is spoken?
Tonight, at the edge of the field,
I stood very still, and looked up,
and tried to be empty of words.
What joy was it, that almost found me?
What amiable peace?...
Once, deep in the woods,
I found the white skull of a bear
and it was utterly silent-
and once a river otter, in a steel trap,
and it too was utterly silent.
What can we do
but keep on breathing in and out,
modest and wiling, and in our places?
Listen, listen, I'm forever saying.
Listen to the river, to the hawk, to the hoof,
to the mockingbird, to the jack-in-the-pulpit-
then I come up with a few words, like a gift.
Even as now
Even as the darkness has remained the pure, deep darkness.
Even as the stars have twirled a little, while I stood here,
looking up,
one hot sentence after another.