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happy pagans are still here day or whatever. I got all green and sparkly for work today because I feel like somehow a fairy drest in green and all festive is a good thing on st. patrick's day even if it was originally about celebrating christianity's takeover in ireland or whatever. magic thrives anyway. and i love that four leaf clovers are subversive. (because I'm extremely adept at finding them.)
was such a lovely day with such beautiful fun people. such wonderful conversations. i love my sparkly people so much. one of my customers brought me a black cat fairy figurine for Lunar, making my eyes mist over. How incredibly sweet and thoughtful.
nobody seems to be batting an eye at my prices, they still tip me even, it's wild. I feel so supported and cared for, it's unbelievable.
...
for whatever reason I haven't counted days without alcohol until today, I guess partly because st patty's is a drinking holiday. 54 days. how did i get there so fast? it's hard and i feel sad a lot.
Leaning more and more toward just staying alcohol-free, but we'll see. Maybe for the year? I keep hearing Huberman's voice saying it takes 6-9 months for the brain's synaptic functions to return to normal after any amount of regular drinking, even if it's only 1 drink per week. oof.
I didn't go dancing last night, partly because I just felt like crap, but also partly because the prospect of going there sober is just still kind of daunting sometimes, especially when I'm not feeling my best. I reached out to John and heard nothing, and reached out to Finley and got shut down. That kind of thing is always a little triggering due to abandonment issues. Mushrooms are great when sobriety feels too hard, but it's not an endless resource, it extends time and can make any periods of boredom at the club excessively more unbearable, and I don't know if/when I'll be able to get more of them. I also am not entirely sure it's great for my brain - the dilated pupils are a bit eerie.
I did send Ophelia a wee little birthday present anyway. I wanted to wish her happy birthday in person but alas.
I slept until exactly 8am, so I must have needed the rest. Really weird dreams. I got moving fast enough to fit in all of my physical therapy and mini-workout routine, box up two faery hair orders and ship them, while listening to a Loving Kindness meditation that I used to send love to Tyler, and to make Josh some banana chocolate chip bread and a pot of rice and lentils - so even though I've been working every day since Monday, I've successfully cooked him meals all week. (He had leftover burgers and broccoli I'd cooked last night to have with the rice I made this morning for his lunch today.) Tonight when I got home i was super tired, but coached him through how to make himself a veggie quesadilla, and he was soooooooooo happy :) I also bought him some omega 3 gummies and a bunch of other fruits and veggies and such, and crackers, he's set.
I have more sparkling to do tomorrow but only two hours, and two more orders to get out in the morning if I can. I got groceries on the way home tonight so I don't have to try to make it to the farmers market tomorrow, I'll have to go without nettles a couple more weeks but that's okay. I found an estrogen supplement that I'm excited to try that my doctor didn't know about, I am trying really hard not to feel entirely disenchanted by my doctor right now. I just really struggle to take care of myself, it's new for me and it feels unnatural and unfamiliar and alien and wildly uncomfortable. still working through figuring out how to be an adult.
being a faery is so much more natural for me.
i put kerrygold butter on my black rice and lentils, does that count as an irish treat lol
was such a lovely day with such beautiful fun people. such wonderful conversations. i love my sparkly people so much. one of my customers brought me a black cat fairy figurine for Lunar, making my eyes mist over. How incredibly sweet and thoughtful.
nobody seems to be batting an eye at my prices, they still tip me even, it's wild. I feel so supported and cared for, it's unbelievable.
...
for whatever reason I haven't counted days without alcohol until today, I guess partly because st patty's is a drinking holiday. 54 days. how did i get there so fast? it's hard and i feel sad a lot.
Leaning more and more toward just staying alcohol-free, but we'll see. Maybe for the year? I keep hearing Huberman's voice saying it takes 6-9 months for the brain's synaptic functions to return to normal after any amount of regular drinking, even if it's only 1 drink per week. oof.
I didn't go dancing last night, partly because I just felt like crap, but also partly because the prospect of going there sober is just still kind of daunting sometimes, especially when I'm not feeling my best. I reached out to John and heard nothing, and reached out to Finley and got shut down. That kind of thing is always a little triggering due to abandonment issues. Mushrooms are great when sobriety feels too hard, but it's not an endless resource, it extends time and can make any periods of boredom at the club excessively more unbearable, and I don't know if/when I'll be able to get more of them. I also am not entirely sure it's great for my brain - the dilated pupils are a bit eerie.
I did send Ophelia a wee little birthday present anyway. I wanted to wish her happy birthday in person but alas.
I slept until exactly 8am, so I must have needed the rest. Really weird dreams. I got moving fast enough to fit in all of my physical therapy and mini-workout routine, box up two faery hair orders and ship them, while listening to a Loving Kindness meditation that I used to send love to Tyler, and to make Josh some banana chocolate chip bread and a pot of rice and lentils - so even though I've been working every day since Monday, I've successfully cooked him meals all week. (He had leftover burgers and broccoli I'd cooked last night to have with the rice I made this morning for his lunch today.) Tonight when I got home i was super tired, but coached him through how to make himself a veggie quesadilla, and he was soooooooooo happy :) I also bought him some omega 3 gummies and a bunch of other fruits and veggies and such, and crackers, he's set.
I have more sparkling to do tomorrow but only two hours, and two more orders to get out in the morning if I can. I got groceries on the way home tonight so I don't have to try to make it to the farmers market tomorrow, I'll have to go without nettles a couple more weeks but that's okay. I found an estrogen supplement that I'm excited to try that my doctor didn't know about, I am trying really hard not to feel entirely disenchanted by my doctor right now. I just really struggle to take care of myself, it's new for me and it feels unnatural and unfamiliar and alien and wildly uncomfortable. still working through figuring out how to be an adult.
being a faery is so much more natural for me.
i put kerrygold butter on my black rice and lentils, does that count as an irish treat lol
