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pain flare.
Mar. 18th, 2023 06:06 pmoof, so tired from three days of work. i love what i do but it is unbelievably draining.
(I mean to refer to in-person sparkling work, there are very few days I don't work, actually, it's just so much easier on my body when it's from home for the website. I do think it's so healthy to have forced social interactions, in these times, though. I am endlessly grateful for what I do. doesn't make me feel less tired, however.)
missing my cat and my mom so much i was crying on the drive home. i wish she could have seen how i turned out. all the ways i am so much like her. (and the ways i am different, or more like dad.)
i am in so much physical pain. i can't tell if the pain flare is causing the mood disruption, or if the mood is part of something else or just fatigue. but. it is really hard to be in a good mood when one is in a lot of pain.
my shoulder is screaming. my foot aches. everything hurts, my skin hurts to touch, my throat hurts, it hurts to breathe, my eyes hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts, my fingers hurt.
I'm full from dinner (veggie burritos, I cooked all of our meals this week, it's exhausting, i don't know how to catch up on dishes rn, all i want to do is sleep), but I'm still craving frosting? I seriously just want several spoonfuls of frosting. (fortunately there is none in the apartment and I am too tired to try to make any buttercream.)
i've been stress eating for two days and i don't care. i'm almost desperate enough to go buy store bought chocolate cake and doughnuts. it happens from time to time, when i'm in too much pain to think straight. i don't always eat all of it, sometimes i eat half the piece of cake and throw the rest away. i tried just making hand-whipped whipped cream with no sugar the other night, just to stem cravings, but i whipped it too much (even by hand! this has never happened) and it got ever so slightly curdled and i think it was enough to miss the mark in terms of trying to fulfill at least the mouth feel i was looking for.
i dunno i tried.
(my body doesn't respond with pain or inflammation to fat, but it does to sugar, which is why i was whipping sugarless whipped cream.)
time to go make josh some burritos and myself and him both each a quesadilla. after that i dunno. need to cook up some rice first quickly for the burritos, or i could just use last night's black rice and lentils and pretend there aren't lentils in the burritos? that might be easier.
owwwwwwwwwwwwww.
it's a beautiful sunny day and josh and i took a walk in the park, i should be fine, but i am super nervous about injuring myself at the race tomorrow. i want to do it, i just don't want to set myself back another month. work was really hard on my foot, this week. i wish it would heal faster, it has not improved as much or as quickly as i was hoping. i forget how delicate and fragile this little body is.
(I mean to refer to in-person sparkling work, there are very few days I don't work, actually, it's just so much easier on my body when it's from home for the website. I do think it's so healthy to have forced social interactions, in these times, though. I am endlessly grateful for what I do. doesn't make me feel less tired, however.)
missing my cat and my mom so much i was crying on the drive home. i wish she could have seen how i turned out. all the ways i am so much like her. (and the ways i am different, or more like dad.)
i am in so much physical pain. i can't tell if the pain flare is causing the mood disruption, or if the mood is part of something else or just fatigue. but. it is really hard to be in a good mood when one is in a lot of pain.
my shoulder is screaming. my foot aches. everything hurts, my skin hurts to touch, my throat hurts, it hurts to breathe, my eyes hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts, my fingers hurt.
I'm full from dinner (veggie burritos, I cooked all of our meals this week, it's exhausting, i don't know how to catch up on dishes rn, all i want to do is sleep), but I'm still craving frosting? I seriously just want several spoonfuls of frosting. (fortunately there is none in the apartment and I am too tired to try to make any buttercream.)
i've been stress eating for two days and i don't care. i'm almost desperate enough to go buy store bought chocolate cake and doughnuts. it happens from time to time, when i'm in too much pain to think straight. i don't always eat all of it, sometimes i eat half the piece of cake and throw the rest away. i tried just making hand-whipped whipped cream with no sugar the other night, just to stem cravings, but i whipped it too much (even by hand! this has never happened) and it got ever so slightly curdled and i think it was enough to miss the mark in terms of trying to fulfill at least the mouth feel i was looking for.
i dunno i tried.
(my body doesn't respond with pain or inflammation to fat, but it does to sugar, which is why i was whipping sugarless whipped cream.)
time to go make josh some burritos and myself and him both each a quesadilla. after that i dunno. need to cook up some rice first quickly for the burritos, or i could just use last night's black rice and lentils and pretend there aren't lentils in the burritos? that might be easier.
owwwwwwwwwwwwww.
it's a beautiful sunny day and josh and i took a walk in the park, i should be fine, but i am super nervous about injuring myself at the race tomorrow. i want to do it, i just don't want to set myself back another month. work was really hard on my foot, this week. i wish it would heal faster, it has not improved as much or as quickly as i was hoping. i forget how delicate and fragile this little body is.
