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pre-work venting stress
Apr. 28th, 2023 10:00 aman hour until i need to leave for work, need to get a lunch together, get dressed, and bundle up a couple of orders if i can.
i saw finley again, walking home from Elina's. i texted him a photo of a baby bunny in our courtyard shortly after. he wanted to see me today but i have to work, so, monday. ugh i can't wait.
missed dancing last night, my headache never let up. it's still there kinda. not sure what's up with that, maybe the new shoulder physical therapy routine. sucks.
we're looking at a high of 85 degrees today. i had exactly one day at work when i didn't have to use the heat, and now i'm going to have to use the air conditioning. this is wrong.
but it will drop back down into the low 60s next week.
Saturday will be glorious and then back to 62 and cloudy for Sunday. rain later in the week, of course. back to regularly scheduled muddy spring.
still holding out hope that my birthday will be nice.
still have no idea what i'm doing for my birthday though. unfortunately there are shows both nights at my club that i don't want to go to, i can dance after but that is always a shit-show with drunk post-show tourists. i will do it but i will be annoyed, lol.
maybe something outside here, i can build a playlist and rent a portable mini dance floor or something? maybe there will be something at berretin that weekend, i dunno.
sexy dancy photo shoot with manders and oliver tonight at midnight? i'm nervous. i need to dye my hair and wear my purple harness since my red one is still not here and my black one has not been repaired yet. they'll get here one day.
saturday is all mine. i reached out to my girlfriends and they all ignored me, which makes me feel really lonely and sad. maybe i'll reach out to tyler, since he's been more responsive lately. i'll bike to the farmers market in the sunshine in the morning, at least.
sunday after gregory's party is my no dancing lol.
monday teeth cleaning and work catchup and finley time.
tuesday another photo shoot, silks with manders before.
wednesday is PT. then work thurs/fri/saturday.
running non-stop until my birthday week, makes it hard to plan things.
flooded with anxiety but i think it's just the residual headache.
weight is holding steady, sigh. i fasted wednesday but then was in so much pain yesterday that i ate normal meals, super healthy ones but nothing tasted good, even though it was all the stuff i love. i also indulged in a little bit of comfort food in the form of my home baked cookies and some 92% dark chocolate, no harm done though, it was just a little.
i worked so hard on those cookies and nobody is around to share them with, it's making me really sad. i think i just need to hold steady and re-assess my connections and friendships. Amanda has been investing so much time and energy into me and she's such a warm and kind and smart and supportive spirit, but she's a pothead with two kids and a very different lifestyle from mine and she's only 39, which makes things feel weird to me. i'm trying. Oliver is another connection i want to foster and nurture, but alas, again, another pothead. what do i do.
another dancer friend has joined a religion called the First Church of David Bowie and keeps inviting me to her events, I actually am very curious and want to go. if I could join any church, it would be this one.
Things are lovely with Josh, holding steady, his steadfast support and kindness is everything and I am so grateful. I married a good man.
i saw finley again, walking home from Elina's. i texted him a photo of a baby bunny in our courtyard shortly after. he wanted to see me today but i have to work, so, monday. ugh i can't wait.
missed dancing last night, my headache never let up. it's still there kinda. not sure what's up with that, maybe the new shoulder physical therapy routine. sucks.
we're looking at a high of 85 degrees today. i had exactly one day at work when i didn't have to use the heat, and now i'm going to have to use the air conditioning. this is wrong.
but it will drop back down into the low 60s next week.
Saturday will be glorious and then back to 62 and cloudy for Sunday. rain later in the week, of course. back to regularly scheduled muddy spring.
still holding out hope that my birthday will be nice.
still have no idea what i'm doing for my birthday though. unfortunately there are shows both nights at my club that i don't want to go to, i can dance after but that is always a shit-show with drunk post-show tourists. i will do it but i will be annoyed, lol.
maybe something outside here, i can build a playlist and rent a portable mini dance floor or something? maybe there will be something at berretin that weekend, i dunno.
sexy dancy photo shoot with manders and oliver tonight at midnight? i'm nervous. i need to dye my hair and wear my purple harness since my red one is still not here and my black one has not been repaired yet. they'll get here one day.
saturday is all mine. i reached out to my girlfriends and they all ignored me, which makes me feel really lonely and sad. maybe i'll reach out to tyler, since he's been more responsive lately. i'll bike to the farmers market in the sunshine in the morning, at least.
sunday after gregory's party is my no dancing lol.
monday teeth cleaning and work catchup and finley time.
tuesday another photo shoot, silks with manders before.
wednesday is PT. then work thurs/fri/saturday.
running non-stop until my birthday week, makes it hard to plan things.
flooded with anxiety but i think it's just the residual headache.
weight is holding steady, sigh. i fasted wednesday but then was in so much pain yesterday that i ate normal meals, super healthy ones but nothing tasted good, even though it was all the stuff i love. i also indulged in a little bit of comfort food in the form of my home baked cookies and some 92% dark chocolate, no harm done though, it was just a little.
i worked so hard on those cookies and nobody is around to share them with, it's making me really sad. i think i just need to hold steady and re-assess my connections and friendships. Amanda has been investing so much time and energy into me and she's such a warm and kind and smart and supportive spirit, but she's a pothead with two kids and a very different lifestyle from mine and she's only 39, which makes things feel weird to me. i'm trying. Oliver is another connection i want to foster and nurture, but alas, again, another pothead. what do i do.
another dancer friend has joined a religion called the First Church of David Bowie and keeps inviting me to her events, I actually am very curious and want to go. if I could join any church, it would be this one.
Things are lovely with Josh, holding steady, his steadfast support and kindness is everything and I am so grateful. I married a good man.
