Rose festival.

So, Portland is having its annual Rose Festival right now.

We have an annual weather pattern that comes through every first week of June, no matter what, this is a known phenomenon, and rains out the festival for a week.

With climate change, weather has been all over the place, but this rain has stayed consistent.

Until this year - we had sunny, 80-90 degree days forecasted for the whole week.

BUT. out of nowhere. Thursday-Saturday, everything switched and it rained and rained.

It's still overcast today but actually looks like the rain might stop for a bit, which is unusual.

This would have been the first summer in my 44 years of living here that didn't have rain during Rose Fest - it's tradition that the Grand Floral Parade be rainy.

I wonder how long that will hold.

It's odd to feel so attached to a parade being rainy, haha. This city is so weird.

feathery moods

having a tough time finding my footing after feeling so poorly the last few days. I want to fix it!

So many things I need to do.

need to reach out to Karissa.

Ooohhhhh sunbeam.

I miss walking my cat in the courtyard. Maybe I'll go walk with Lunarghost, after this post. He is still haunting our kitchen. Josh and I were chatting in there the other day and the cabinet door just casually swung open while we were talking. Hi, Lunar, having fun in there with the pots and pans? :)

I really like the Selena "Calm Down" song - any song that tells me to calm down is a good thing.

............

Want to go to the farmers market, after coffee, which one though?

Also need to size my Oura ring. I have a "make it happen" note on it. It's been sitting here for a MONTH ugh.

Need to clean my room.

Desk, other desk, dresser, laundry, change bedding, nightstand, closet.

The piles on the floor can stay for now.

clean the kitchen.

Sweep all floors in the apartment.

Need to meet up with my brother at some point, today.

Josh is off rock climbing so at least I don't have to worry about taking care of him rn.

Need to get out some orders.

And very important - find a dark haired model or two for a photoshoot for Portland Monthly Magazine on Tuesday.

......Hey! Just arranged this with KARISSA yay! She is all excited about it. That fixes two things, nice! I wasn't sure I should ask her since I know she has a day job, but sometimes people can get away for extended lunch breaks and such and she says her afternoon is flexible that day, hooray! phew.

I love her so much.

.............

Josh was teasing me about still having so much alcohol in the apartment. I don't know how to give it away without being insulting? Like, hey you're a lush! want my reject wine? lolololol.

not drinking is so odd haha. I will never get used to it, I don't think.

...............

omg I feel so much better already. I think the idea of cleaning my room was making me feel depressed haha. Also my coffee kicked in. Did you know that when women menstruate caffeine effects us 1/3 as much as when we're not? I JUST LEARNED THIS LAST NIGHT, jeez.

One more photo dump of feather-winged embraces with my beloved Finley shadowcandy friend. He makes me feel alive and we have so much fun together.






This one was at 2am and we were both exhausted and I was murmuring softly, "Can we just be close?" So sharing more for the memory of the moment than the pose itself.

He is well over six feet tall, luckily for me, which means I can wear my tall boots and still not tower over him.



The fathomless depths of this gentle, passionate love.



The playful sides.



The giddy happiness.



Can you just hold me.



I will never not adore him with every fiber of my being.

yuck.

juuuuust had a really harsh reminder that I don't get to be who I truly am with my family. (sometimes I forget.) it really sucks. i feel nauseated with shame and self-berating talk because i was stupid enough to be honest and let my guard down and show my heart.

i will not do that again.

(for a few years, until I forget and slip again, and get to feel sick with shame for my true spirit, again.)

sigh.

feeling extremely self-destructive, but i'm going to try to channel it into house cleaning.

(because that's an acceptable form of women's work ha.)

I AM KEEPING MY RAINBOW SOX ON.