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decompressing again.
Dec. 7th, 2023 01:09 amDecompressing from my first journal writing bout. oof.
This video was oddly comforting and disconcerting at the same time. I am still reticent to call my mom or family dynamic "narcissistic," but almost all of these points resonate with me to a freakish degree. Even to the point of a new realization - that mom taking me out of school to home school me was not just because school was effecting me so negatively and I was performing so poorly in my classes, but because she wanted to isolate me. The enmeshment of my mom and I was so intense that people actually commented on it all of the time. It scared people, I could tell. I thought it was fine and they just didn't understand - I mean, when all of your confidence has been completely obliterated, wouldn't you want to be attached at the hip to the one caretaking figure in your life who seems to know everything and can navigate and understand and handle every situation that is completely overwhelming and indecipherable to you?
ugh I'm tired.
Gave Jim Anna's number, I feel bad foisting her on him, I'm not sure how helpful any of that will be. I just hope I don't have to help anyone from a toilet to a bed again anytime soon. Or ever.
This video was oddly comforting and disconcerting at the same time. I am still reticent to call my mom or family dynamic "narcissistic," but almost all of these points resonate with me to a freakish degree. Even to the point of a new realization - that mom taking me out of school to home school me was not just because school was effecting me so negatively and I was performing so poorly in my classes, but because she wanted to isolate me. The enmeshment of my mom and I was so intense that people actually commented on it all of the time. It scared people, I could tell. I thought it was fine and they just didn't understand - I mean, when all of your confidence has been completely obliterated, wouldn't you want to be attached at the hip to the one caretaking figure in your life who seems to know everything and can navigate and understand and handle every situation that is completely overwhelming and indecipherable to you?
ugh I'm tired.
Gave Jim Anna's number, I feel bad foisting her on him, I'm not sure how helpful any of that will be. I just hope I don't have to help anyone from a toilet to a bed again anytime soon. Or ever.
