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mood swings.
Dec. 14th, 2023 10:15 pmHad a really nice day at work. My customers are so delightful and uplifting, I felt more energized as the day went on, instead of less. The dread of the week falling away from me. I can also feel my health returning, I feel much better. Though I ate chocolate and cookies after getting some orders boxed up tonight and am regretting it a bit, the sugar crash is a bit painful, ouch.
In absolute love with December. It's almost solstice. It never feels like it's dark enough for long enough, for this little Dark Faery. But I also flourish in the light. It just comes so fast. I want everything to move more slowly, in winter.
At least, as the light starts to return, it will continue to get colder. More time to enjoy the ice and snow.
I'm a Storm Faery, I'm learning. Or becoming? Snowstorms, in particular.
Storms give me the deepest inner sense of calm and peace. As do snowscapes. Especially when I am out in them. (Always with safety to return to, even if there are, a la Robert Frost, promises to keep and miles to go before sleep.)
The fun part is not having to get up early to catch the sunrise. I will miss that the most. Lazy sunrise viewing from bed, or just groggily crawling out of bed to catch it, is the best. One of the best parts of December.
Still dumb drama with Maria and RR, and I can't help but feel like the more I am involved the more I cause harm. I need to just be present and listen. And let people know I'm there to be of support, even if only emotional.
Huberman says one co-morbidity of dementia is the inability to finely control extremities, like spreading out one's toes and fine finger coordination. This makes me think about what happens to me on the ice, when my fingers get cold, and when I get off the ice and try to unlace my skates, my hands won't move at the speed they normally do, though I am trying to untie my skates at a normal pace. My fingers grip slowly and weakly, ostensibly slowed by prolonged cold exposure. But it feels neurological, and this is new, something I never suffered before age say, 45. It scares me so much. And I think about a story I read/listened to this year about a lady who's husband got dementia and opted for euthanasia and the months-long trial of paperwork and checks and re-checks they had to do to approve it and her telling of going to the clinic with him, of the way they at each step offered him a chance to decline, at the way he babbled about things that didn't matter and couldn't seem to engage with her or try to reminisce about anything positive with her or connect with her emotionally at all, and what it was like for her to walk out alone - they hadn't counseled her about that part. The entire trip home, by herself. I imagine setting up something similar for myself if I start to succumb to this disease that afflicted my grandmother and mother and the gut-wrenching thought of Josh leaving the clinic alone and empty handed.
If that happens, I should surprise him with a gift. Maybe a framed photo of us together when we were happiest. Or some sort of memento to remember me by that he could hold on to, to remember how loved he is. Or, was.
:(
The holidays do this to me.
Definitely going to have a migraine for Christmas.
In absolute love with December. It's almost solstice. It never feels like it's dark enough for long enough, for this little Dark Faery. But I also flourish in the light. It just comes so fast. I want everything to move more slowly, in winter.
At least, as the light starts to return, it will continue to get colder. More time to enjoy the ice and snow.
I'm a Storm Faery, I'm learning. Or becoming? Snowstorms, in particular.
Storms give me the deepest inner sense of calm and peace. As do snowscapes. Especially when I am out in them. (Always with safety to return to, even if there are, a la Robert Frost, promises to keep and miles to go before sleep.)
The fun part is not having to get up early to catch the sunrise. I will miss that the most. Lazy sunrise viewing from bed, or just groggily crawling out of bed to catch it, is the best. One of the best parts of December.
Still dumb drama with Maria and RR, and I can't help but feel like the more I am involved the more I cause harm. I need to just be present and listen. And let people know I'm there to be of support, even if only emotional.
Huberman says one co-morbidity of dementia is the inability to finely control extremities, like spreading out one's toes and fine finger coordination. This makes me think about what happens to me on the ice, when my fingers get cold, and when I get off the ice and try to unlace my skates, my hands won't move at the speed they normally do, though I am trying to untie my skates at a normal pace. My fingers grip slowly and weakly, ostensibly slowed by prolonged cold exposure. But it feels neurological, and this is new, something I never suffered before age say, 45. It scares me so much. And I think about a story I read/listened to this year about a lady who's husband got dementia and opted for euthanasia and the months-long trial of paperwork and checks and re-checks they had to do to approve it and her telling of going to the clinic with him, of the way they at each step offered him a chance to decline, at the way he babbled about things that didn't matter and couldn't seem to engage with her or try to reminisce about anything positive with her or connect with her emotionally at all, and what it was like for her to walk out alone - they hadn't counseled her about that part. The entire trip home, by herself. I imagine setting up something similar for myself if I start to succumb to this disease that afflicted my grandmother and mother and the gut-wrenching thought of Josh leaving the clinic alone and empty handed.
If that happens, I should surprise him with a gift. Maybe a framed photo of us together when we were happiest. Or some sort of memento to remember me by that he could hold on to, to remember how loved he is. Or, was.
:(
The holidays do this to me.
Definitely going to have a migraine for Christmas.
