flagging friday

got all of my most important work done, but then hit a wall. i think this illness is maybe taking more of a toll than i bargained for. i will cancel sparkling tomorrow regardless of weather, although it is supposed to start snowing at 7am and it is in the teens at the moment, very unusual for this part of the state. so I doubt I would be sparkling anyway. I might cancel Sunday also if my throat is still funky tomorrow, I am not very functional at the moment. The birthday party Monday is in the maybe category at this point.

tyler wants to ski over for a visit tomorrow if the snowpocalypse gets bad. his place is up on a steep hill and the power tends to go out, so he likes to shelter with us, and we love having him. I feed them and they play music and games and we're all cozy and happy together. I've already baked a pie and chocolate chip cookies - I didn't even really want them, in the end, I just wanted to bake. I will make butter biscuits tomorrow, because that's what i really want. I keep eating buttered toast but it's not the same. As long as I can still do a pull-up I can keep eating buttery things, ha.

exhausted, need sleep, hopefully i can make some progress cleaning tomorrow. every time the kitten sneezes I feel guilty for not mopping the floors yet.

she is unbelievably cute. she follows me everywhere. she hangs out in the kitchen when I'm there, sometimes just splayed out on the floor, other times pacing and mewing at me insistently. I play with her a lot, make sure she gets out of breath a couple times a day. she slept on my pillow most of the night last night, snuggled up next to my hand for warmth. bought her a pedestal for my office window, it's perfect, she's sleeping on it right meow. it's what she's used to, Natasha has a huge magical cat tree next to her work desk with a window view, so the cats can be near her while she works and also watch the birds and folks walking their dogs and such. So having this I think makes Avalanche feel more at home.

she's so little! baby animals are so wee. she's very resilient and bounces back from any brief panic or moments of fear very quickly, it's really nice.

k bedtime. maybe i'll feel better after a good night's sleep. the wind has kicked up ferociously, I enjoy storms, I love the sound of the wind through the branches of the big cedars we have on this side of the apartment complex, just hope the power doesn't go out. as least there will be pie, regardless.

stormy weather

storm rolled in overnight. Fortunately the kitten is used to the cold, but she was not a fan of the wind. She slept with me last night but not desperately seeking warmth like Lunar would have, she was happy to just be curled up beside me. She's doing okay today, the wind doesn't seem to bother her now, seems like it's dying down a little bit? Hopefully? Not enough accumulation to ski on - Tyler might not make it. Though we might have to do a rescue operation if he loses power.

there are strong winds and the temps are in the teens and it's snowing, it's a little bit scary as we're totally dependent on electricity for everything. if the power goes out, we'll be bundled up in all our outdoor gear with handwarmers stuffed everywhere, boiling one cup of water/soup at a time with the jetboil lol.

there is something so comforting about the sound of a tea kettle whistle on a cold, stormy morning.

swept the floors, we did our morning workout, the kitten actually let me brush her. I am not entirely convinced that she is a girl but Natasha seems confident. It would be easier to have a boy, but that's okay - I just want to get her spayed before she goes into heat. she's here on the pedestal, ugh my heart. cutest softest thing.

I should probably reschedule sparkles tomorrow, it's not going to thaw so driving will be sketch most likely.

harsh winter storminess.

oh man it's a mess out there.

I went and delivered a cat litter box to my step-dad before the roads got too bad, I'm just super mad at myself because I thought a smaller size would be helpful but Little Kid, despite her name, is not that little and doesn't fit in it at all. So I had to kinda rig a cardboard box which wasn't much bigger, but I hope it might help. I just feel bad going to all that trouble if it doesn't work, I hope she uses it, sigh. I showed it to her anyway, fingers crossed.

It was super sketch getting back, I got stuck in one small snow-drift on a side street but otherwise things were fine, aside from people just randomly running red lights, because the weather is bad?? Traffic rules no longer matter? That was scary. So, as always, avoiding other drivers was the hardest part of navigating.

It's thicker now so my Fit would definitely not make it anywhere at this point. Tyler is halfway here, on his skis, he just texted.

I'm a little bit jealous. I am just soooooooooooooooooo sad, my mood tanked, I'm not sure if it's PMS or still recovering from illness or what but I feel awful awful mood-wise. You'd think I'd be happy with a kitten and power still on, so much lovely food and warmth, a loving caring husband, but I am just bereft and I HATE MYSELF, the self loathing is soooo intense right now. ugh. It sucks. I don't know what to do but just sit with it. Because I'm still sober! For 8 more days at least, lol.

Is the last week harder than the first? We shall see.

Josh and I joked that maybe I could drink alcohol again but only if I'm in another country. So, beer in Germany, tequila in Mexico, etc. Wine in France but I hate wine so I'd just be sober there which is fine, ha. Well, I might sneak a little rosé.

I think I just need to bake and eat chocolate and distract myself from the shitty mood. Some of it is climate change grief. I've lived here all my life and while there are severe weather patterns that come through - we used to get ice storms in March regularly - it was never with this sort of dip in temp and hard winds. Josh seems to think it's the same but it feels different to me, especially after getting almost no days below freezing before this at all this season. I don't know, maybe I am just catastrophizing because I feel terrible and that's just where this stupid brain goes.

Maybe I'm stressed because I'm scared. If we lose power we are going to be VERY uncomfortable very quickly.

Maybe I just need a hot shower and some more baking therapy. and kitten snuggles. Deep breath.

(no subject)

Tyler made it over on his skis, lol.

I just stayed in the kitchen cooking and baking all day, playing with the kitten in-between food creations. Was just trying to stay warm really. Sourdough pizza with Pirate Bread sourdough, with yellow squash, onions, spinach, and cheese, sweet potato and celeriac soup, egg nog (virgin) with meringue, salmon, baked sweet potatoes, chicken thighs.

Avalanche likes salmon a lot.

She likes Tyler, too. She's getting more comfortable with Josh, she likes him, too.

There is a thick layer of icy snow and it's still in the low teens. So grateful to have power. And heat. And a kitten. And friends. and love.