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notes from Finding Your Own North Star
Aug. 19th, 2024 09:25 pmChapter 15, Square 4.
You'll know you've arrived in square 4 when your dreams have not only come true, but demonstrated some long-term staying power. Your small business is turning enough profit to survive. The person you love has agreed to marry you. The contract is signed. The statute of limitations has run out on your more serious crimes. The ingredients necessary for a joyful life are yours to keep. You're done wandering through the wilderness not really knowing where your next manna meal will come from or whether it will show up in time. It's finally time to slow down.
Early Square 4: Slowing down.
As we've seen, Square 3 requires an enormous amount of momentum. To get to Square 4, you've powered your way through enough obstacles to level an NFL linebacker. It can take so long that you begin to consider this a permanent lifestyle. When you've hit Square 4 and there are no more barriers in your way, you may not know how to handle the situation. Don't worry; this is the good part. Here are some instructions that can help you enjoy it.
1. Put on the brakes.
Once you've reached Square 4 and things are going your way, for heaven's sake, ease up. I encounter a lot of folks who have trouble doing this. Even after they've become very successful, they take on too much work, certain that bypassing a single opportunity will end up trashing their futures. They go out of their way to do things that didn't have to be done for people they don't really like in order to make sure they never run out of friends. In Square 3, such efforts can add up to success. In Square 4, they actually create failure.
Most of us overshoot a bit when we come out of Square 3 and into Square 4, and that's okay. You'll put on the brakes in plenty of time if you pay attention to outside feedback and more important, keep a weather eye on your internal compasses. When you reach early Square 4, your essential self will pull back a little, trying to keep you aligned with the life you were meant to live. It may take you by surprise that your inner drive toward work and achievement has suddenly switched over to rest and relaxation, but you must listen to it. In Square 4, less effort equals more security and accomplishment.
Exercise. Think of a joke you really like. Find a friend who hasn't heard it, and tell it to them. Isn't that fun? Now, right away, repeat the same joke to the same person, and while you're at it, explain why the friend should laugh, comment on the joke's amusement value - that was funny, wasn't it? Oh boy was that ever funny. Before you know it, your friend will stop laughing and start edging away slowly. The moral is, there is a time to deliver the goods, and there is a time to let things be.
Dare to stop pushing.
2. Focus on what's working. Drop everything else.
If your journey to the promised land was easy, count your blessings. I mean that literally. Stop and thoroughly examine the circumstances of your unusual good fortune. Calculate the odds of its happening again. Make sure you understand just how lucky you are so you don't take your success for granted and assume that it will continue indefinitely with no effort on your part.
If you've been pouring absolutely every ounce of energy into doing absolutely everything you could to make it to the promised land, you're probably expending more effort than you need to maintain your success.
Don't throw your precious time and energy into low-yield strategies.
One of the primary tasks of early Square 4 is figuring out which tasks have the best ratio effort to effect in your particular version of the promised land. It's different for every person.
3. Slide down the learning curve. It's time to focus on becoming really really good at things that will sustain your success. At first this process is excruciatingly slow. The early learning is the hardest. Practice your way through the beginning of Square 4. Before long you'll become an expert at stuff you thought you could never master. You'll be doing without doing it in your sleep.
4. Chunk your turtle steps.
Mid Square-4: Walking Beside the Still Waters.
Those who grew up in chaotic environments - children of alcoholic parents seem especially vulnerable - aren't comfortable with the peaceful steadiness of Square 4. They don't know how to stroll by the still waters, and they often end up destroying their own promised land. If you're one of these people, here are some pointers for mid-square-4.
1. Don't hoard your toast. (Story about a guy who kept hiding toast after being rescued from the brink of starvation.)
A lot of people end up hoarding all manner of toast in square 4. Exhausted and fearful after their long trip through the change cycle, they cling desperately to the good things that are finally coming into their lives: money, relationships, attention, power. .... Ironically enough, this kind of behavior acts as a promised land repellent. A hoarding mentality actually keeps you from experiencing joy, reduces your ability to make money, and scuttles both personal and professional relationships.
Insecure people, toast hoarders, tend to get kicked out of the promised land because they fail to trust their own well-being. Hanging onto every penny, rather than taking on the slight risk involved in cautious investment, could rob you of enormous financial benefit. Stinginess is not just unattractive, it's counter-productive. If you find yourself giving into it as you enter square 4, you must retrain yourself.
First of all, you may have a lot of grasping lies in your head, put there early on by a miserly Everybody. You may be unintentionally, unconsciously, repeating little sermons like, "Money doesn't grow on trees you know" or, "The other shoe is bound to drop soon," or "Fool! Do you think all this toast is going to last forever?" If so, you must recondition yourself with the same techniques you used to replace any other negative Everybody talk.
Exercise 1: Cling-Guard Affirmations.
Despite my doubts about affirmations in general, this is one situation where they work beautifully. Here are some statements you should post all over your wall, including the walls of your mind, whenever you start feeling greedy and anxious. If you followed your internal navigational equipment through every step of the change cycle, all of these statements are absolutely true. Repeat them until you believe them.
1. There is more than enough wealth, love, and happiness to go around.
2. I am succeeding because of my choices, not blind luck.
3. If something goes wrong, I'll figure out how to make it right.
4. I created this situation once, and I can create it again. And again, and again.
5. If I lost everything, lots of people would be willing to help me.
6. I can deal with my life at this moment, and that's all I'll ever have to do.
7. Nothing can take my destiny away from me.
8. There's much, much more good stuff where this came from.
9. I will always have plenty.
10. I have free access to infinite richness.
You'll know you've arrived in square 4 when your dreams have not only come true, but demonstrated some long-term staying power. Your small business is turning enough profit to survive. The person you love has agreed to marry you. The contract is signed. The statute of limitations has run out on your more serious crimes. The ingredients necessary for a joyful life are yours to keep. You're done wandering through the wilderness not really knowing where your next manna meal will come from or whether it will show up in time. It's finally time to slow down.
Early Square 4: Slowing down.
As we've seen, Square 3 requires an enormous amount of momentum. To get to Square 4, you've powered your way through enough obstacles to level an NFL linebacker. It can take so long that you begin to consider this a permanent lifestyle. When you've hit Square 4 and there are no more barriers in your way, you may not know how to handle the situation. Don't worry; this is the good part. Here are some instructions that can help you enjoy it.
1. Put on the brakes.
Once you've reached Square 4 and things are going your way, for heaven's sake, ease up. I encounter a lot of folks who have trouble doing this. Even after they've become very successful, they take on too much work, certain that bypassing a single opportunity will end up trashing their futures. They go out of their way to do things that didn't have to be done for people they don't really like in order to make sure they never run out of friends. In Square 3, such efforts can add up to success. In Square 4, they actually create failure.
Most of us overshoot a bit when we come out of Square 3 and into Square 4, and that's okay. You'll put on the brakes in plenty of time if you pay attention to outside feedback and more important, keep a weather eye on your internal compasses. When you reach early Square 4, your essential self will pull back a little, trying to keep you aligned with the life you were meant to live. It may take you by surprise that your inner drive toward work and achievement has suddenly switched over to rest and relaxation, but you must listen to it. In Square 4, less effort equals more security and accomplishment.
Exercise. Think of a joke you really like. Find a friend who hasn't heard it, and tell it to them. Isn't that fun? Now, right away, repeat the same joke to the same person, and while you're at it, explain why the friend should laugh, comment on the joke's amusement value - that was funny, wasn't it? Oh boy was that ever funny. Before you know it, your friend will stop laughing and start edging away slowly. The moral is, there is a time to deliver the goods, and there is a time to let things be.
Dare to stop pushing.
2. Focus on what's working. Drop everything else.
If your journey to the promised land was easy, count your blessings. I mean that literally. Stop and thoroughly examine the circumstances of your unusual good fortune. Calculate the odds of its happening again. Make sure you understand just how lucky you are so you don't take your success for granted and assume that it will continue indefinitely with no effort on your part.
If you've been pouring absolutely every ounce of energy into doing absolutely everything you could to make it to the promised land, you're probably expending more effort than you need to maintain your success.
Don't throw your precious time and energy into low-yield strategies.
One of the primary tasks of early Square 4 is figuring out which tasks have the best ratio effort to effect in your particular version of the promised land. It's different for every person.
3. Slide down the learning curve. It's time to focus on becoming really really good at things that will sustain your success. At first this process is excruciatingly slow. The early learning is the hardest. Practice your way through the beginning of Square 4. Before long you'll become an expert at stuff you thought you could never master. You'll be doing without doing it in your sleep.
4. Chunk your turtle steps.
Mid Square-4: Walking Beside the Still Waters.
Those who grew up in chaotic environments - children of alcoholic parents seem especially vulnerable - aren't comfortable with the peaceful steadiness of Square 4. They don't know how to stroll by the still waters, and they often end up destroying their own promised land. If you're one of these people, here are some pointers for mid-square-4.
1. Don't hoard your toast. (Story about a guy who kept hiding toast after being rescued from the brink of starvation.)
A lot of people end up hoarding all manner of toast in square 4. Exhausted and fearful after their long trip through the change cycle, they cling desperately to the good things that are finally coming into their lives: money, relationships, attention, power. .... Ironically enough, this kind of behavior acts as a promised land repellent. A hoarding mentality actually keeps you from experiencing joy, reduces your ability to make money, and scuttles both personal and professional relationships.
Insecure people, toast hoarders, tend to get kicked out of the promised land because they fail to trust their own well-being. Hanging onto every penny, rather than taking on the slight risk involved in cautious investment, could rob you of enormous financial benefit. Stinginess is not just unattractive, it's counter-productive. If you find yourself giving into it as you enter square 4, you must retrain yourself.
First of all, you may have a lot of grasping lies in your head, put there early on by a miserly Everybody. You may be unintentionally, unconsciously, repeating little sermons like, "Money doesn't grow on trees you know" or, "The other shoe is bound to drop soon," or "Fool! Do you think all this toast is going to last forever?" If so, you must recondition yourself with the same techniques you used to replace any other negative Everybody talk.
Exercise 1: Cling-Guard Affirmations.
Despite my doubts about affirmations in general, this is one situation where they work beautifully. Here are some statements you should post all over your wall, including the walls of your mind, whenever you start feeling greedy and anxious. If you followed your internal navigational equipment through every step of the change cycle, all of these statements are absolutely true. Repeat them until you believe them.
1. There is more than enough wealth, love, and happiness to go around.
2. I am succeeding because of my choices, not blind luck.
3. If something goes wrong, I'll figure out how to make it right.
4. I created this situation once, and I can create it again. And again, and again.
5. If I lost everything, lots of people would be willing to help me.
6. I can deal with my life at this moment, and that's all I'll ever have to do.
7. Nothing can take my destiny away from me.
8. There's much, much more good stuff where this came from.
9. I will always have plenty.
10. I have free access to infinite richness.
