soft day.

Need to try to make myself clean the apartment today, and my room/office, once I finish this coffee. It would be great if I could also scrub the tub and sinks and take a hot shower as a reward, showering in the shower/tub that you yourself just cleaned to a shine is a wonderful feeling. need some music, I can do this.

Going to bake pumpkin bread and make pumpkin chili for Josh, excited about these. I would bake cookies but I'm trying not to snack and that would be too tempting.

Today in place of silks I walked all over Mt Tabor. It felt like forever but my ring says I only walked four miles. Lots of hills though. It never rained like the forecast said it would, everyone there were all smiles.

Therapy was so nice this morning. How did I get such an amazing human to help me, I dunno, my luck is pretty wild.

Might climb Dog Mt in the rain by myself tomorrow I dunno - that's how badly I don't want to go back to the gym lol. I also want some mushrooms, my other favorite aside from cauliflower grows there reliably and this is the time of year for it. I'll go in the rainy foggy morning and it'll be lovely. Maybe I'll pick up some lovely xmas candles from Bath and Body on the way home, or use my coupon from New Seasons to get some new makeup and non-alcoholic beverages.

I work solid the next five days after tomorrow so I want to take full advantage of my free day. Being outdoors gets more and more difficult and necessary as the light fades and the weather turns more and more cold and dreary.

Avi and I had a nice sunrise walk this morning. Until a dog showed up. I'd like to live somewhere that she could have a catio.

It's cute how the birds tend to come to the feeder in clusters. right now it's all the juncos. They behave differently than the sparrows, which are different from finches, which are different from chickadees, which are different from nuthatches. :) existence is incredible. life is stunningly glorious. miracles absolutely everywhere.

tears and swollen fingers.

did the floors finally, scrubbed the sinks and shower and tub, it felt nice to take a shower in a glistening clean bathroom.

I want to cook chicken and pumpkin chili and bake pumpkin bread for Josh but I also want to lie down and do nothing. I am clean and my hair is wet and I'm sipping tea and don't want to move.

Failed to make any doctor appts, again. I'll try again tomorrow. I need to call my distant cousin in Texas back, also, I keep missing his calls. He says he is one of my dad's sister's kids so I guess that makes us cousins. His name is Tom O'Connor, I like that name. (The first person I fell in love with had a last name of O'Connor. I have a thing for Irishness, Tyler is also half Irish - the other half is Sicilian, so I mean, rawr. Dark hair, fair skin, green eyes, yes please.) I don't blame anyone for not reaching out to us before, he apologized for this, but I know dad was ostracized from the family so why would they reach out to his kids. We never reached out either.

There is part of me that wants to go retreat to a small midwestern town and never emerge. I think this is the part of me that is ravaged by menopause and doesn't want to generally do anything but hide and look at leaves and clouds and birds and flowers and pet cats and drink coffee call it good. That can be enough. Can't it. Read a book here or there. Go for walks during sunrises and sunsets, gaze at the moon. Grow herbs. Cook soup. Bake cookies for the neighbors. Life doesn't need anything fancier than that.

My poor hands. Osteoarthritis is already starting to show. It's just so sad. I wish I had family left to comfort me, who had already been through this. With the same genetics. They would understand.

Tyler was very sympathetic about the lost china set, when I described it to him. He can be so kind. I love him so. He has a hard time saying it back, when I wrap my arms around him and squeeze tight and insist, "I love you SO MUCH," he returns it soft and held back, but he does say it. Unlike Finley.