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Josh has been extra sweet to me all day today. (I was at work most of the day but still.) He's been extra apologetic and trying to explain himself and he's being so gentle and kind.
I've continued to cook for him as I usually do, I guess it's just habit. He's been especially thankful verbally for this. I've made him pizza from scratch a couple of days this week (including today), his favorite salmon, I made a veggie stew he worked through over the last couple of days, with protein pasta made with bean flour, and organic yak from our favorite local ranch. I made miso with a fancy red paste and seared tofu with green onions and veggies that he loved, also. He has a thing for miso. The miso-and-pizza night was pretty fun. I haven't had any of the pizza - that is for him - but the miso was a wonderful treat for me, the other night.
I was trying to explain to him how he could make pizza on his own if I'm not around, and he stopped me to say that he couldn't focus because my makeup was too pretty and I was too attractive for him to pay attention to my instructions. He wrapped his arms around me and smooched my neck a bunch, playfully - something I do to him regularly (when things are good/normal between us) but he's never done before in the kitchen (this has happened once or twice while outdoors), as displays of affection just have never seemed to come naturally to him.
I appreciate the effort. It's sweet. He's trying so hard to reassure me. "I want to be here," he keeps saying.
It will just take a while for me to believe it.
I started bleeding today which explains why I was feeling so severely depressed that I really thought I wanted to not exist, yesterday. PMS symptoms are ramped up to a million times what they were before menopause symptoms started. It's pretty awful. Now I'm just cramping and a bit low energy, blerg.
I made a whole $5 in tips today, for a full day's work, going above and beyond for every customer, lolololololol.
Maybe this won't be my job forever. sigh.
I've continued to cook for him as I usually do, I guess it's just habit. He's been especially thankful verbally for this. I've made him pizza from scratch a couple of days this week (including today), his favorite salmon, I made a veggie stew he worked through over the last couple of days, with protein pasta made with bean flour, and organic yak from our favorite local ranch. I made miso with a fancy red paste and seared tofu with green onions and veggies that he loved, also. He has a thing for miso. The miso-and-pizza night was pretty fun. I haven't had any of the pizza - that is for him - but the miso was a wonderful treat for me, the other night.
I was trying to explain to him how he could make pizza on his own if I'm not around, and he stopped me to say that he couldn't focus because my makeup was too pretty and I was too attractive for him to pay attention to my instructions. He wrapped his arms around me and smooched my neck a bunch, playfully - something I do to him regularly (when things are good/normal between us) but he's never done before in the kitchen (this has happened once or twice while outdoors), as displays of affection just have never seemed to come naturally to him.
I appreciate the effort. It's sweet. He's trying so hard to reassure me. "I want to be here," he keeps saying.
It will just take a while for me to believe it.
I started bleeding today which explains why I was feeling so severely depressed that I really thought I wanted to not exist, yesterday. PMS symptoms are ramped up to a million times what they were before menopause symptoms started. It's pretty awful. Now I'm just cramping and a bit low energy, blerg.
I made a whole $5 in tips today, for a full day's work, going above and beyond for every customer, lolololololol.
Maybe this won't be my job forever. sigh.
