resistance training.

Most of the drivel on social media I scroll right past, but one caught my eye yesterday that actually resonates a bit - some guy selling something said: If stressed worked, we'd all be better by now - or something to that effect.

I just started this book Born to Flourish and it's already helping me think about how to stay balanced when life throws crap my way. I am not even going to go into all the crap I stepped in, or life served to me on a platter made of computer screens, last night and this morning, but it is a combination of financial stress and long term worry and past regrets and it's all bundled up with a bow of profound injustice.

Enough to destabilize the most stable person.

But I'm sinking my feet and my mental health tools as if they were trekking poles down into the wet loose rocky sand and just feeling the icy current tug at my legs and thighs, without toppling over.

One step at a time. I will get through this. Keeping my eye on the light behind the clouds. Keeping in mind everything that is good and right and how fortunate I am to even have these problems, compared to most humans on this planet, in the grand scheme of things.

Stopping and pausing to let the anxiety or dread or depression course through my body is actually really helpful in processing it and letting it resolve itself so that I can move forward in less discomfort.

I'm still a baby at this stuff, but every little bit of practice strengthens those networks, so that it will be easier next time.

Every time I reach for the comfort of my phone or a package of crackers or sweets, I strengthen that pathway instead.

Trying to make better choices, one choice at a time.

It's haaaaaaaaaard, but that means I'm learning.

Friday fun on a Wednesday

Friday Five on Wednesday because why not....

1. What was the reason you began a Dreamwidth or LiveJournal account (or both)?
Started LJ in 2000, having been on Diaryland before that. I have always journaled compulsively and also love to type, it is the perfect setup for me. It has been my constant companion ever since, online journaling. There is an added aspect of connection with it being online that I adore. I made lifelong friends that I am still connected to, and friends and lovers from those days dramatically shaped my life into what it is now. I do not recall my first username but it may have been swirlscape. I feel like there might have been an earlier iteration I'm forgetting. Like Ravenslove or WingedSinner or possibly a Shaelacat version from my tapestry days.

Made the transition to DW when the first sale to the Russians happened, I want to say that was 2007 or so? (Yep just verified.) Have been active on DW ever since. Watched the other flood come in later in late 2016-2017 when they fully transitioned to their own servers and more news about what they were doing with the old LJ stuff got around to more folks.

2. How many DW or LJ communities do you subscribe to?
LJ I had a good grip of them but here I haven't found any I really like. I am subscribed to Common_Nature and that's about it? None of them are very active. I'd like to find more! Remember I can has cheezburger? omg. Oh the early 2000 internet, what a blissful time. The best cat memes! Singing hampsters! Squirrels that go wheeeeeeeeeeee. Tweets about earthquakes before the shockwaves reach you! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Making real life friends with actual Suicide Girls! I miss it so.

3. Do you have a favorite community or one you check out often to see what's new?
I wish!

4. How did you pick your user name?
Back when I was 19 and first started getting online, we were told to never use our real names on the internet because it was dangerous. I chose the username Seraphina most of the time, Sarah is my actual name, this eventually morphed into Serafaery, utilizing a variation of my middle name. Everyone online knew me by this name when Facebook started to be a thing, so I kept it, not because I don't like my legal name but because I will likely never feel comfortable using my legal name on the internet, due to my early indoctrination that this was unsafe to do.

5. If you could change your user name, would you?
It's perfect. I think I still have a swirlscape account floating around somewhere in space, too.